VIDEO | 04

[patchricide]

[As the camera turns on, your eyes are immediately directed towards a massive pile of leftover Halloween candy spread out over a table. At least, most of it is Halloween candy, and some of it is really good, like those peanut butter cups and little candy-coated morsels. But there's not a lot of quality control here, so some of it is terrible Halloween candy, and some upon further inspection is not Halloween candy at all.]

[In fact, there's some Christmas candies as well, including those really good hazlenut chocolates, and a few peppermints. There's also some of those mysterious strawberry hard candies that old ladies keep in candy bowls, tiny boxes of raisins, and... cough drops? Yup, those are cough drops. At the edge of the screen, a pair of mouse are helping themselves to one of the oddities, a small bag of peanuts like you might find on an airline.]

[And then there's Allura, sitting at the table with a pout of discontent on her face. After all, she had been invited to a Halloween party at the last minute, and she didn't have roommates to stay home on Halloween, so...]

If I had known I wasn't going to be handing out any Halloween candy, I would never have bought so much.

Particularly since I can't feed most of this to my mice. [As if on cue, a bigger, chubby yellow mouse picks up a bag of sour gummies and starts inspecting it — and without looking, Allura reaches over and pulls the bag out of his tiny little paws.] In fact, some of it I'm not sure if I ought to be eating.

This one is made with boiled animal bones, and coated in dried, powdered acid. It's supposed to be so sour that you will start crying in pain. Is this actually supposed to be a 'treat'?

[She gives a long sigh.] What am I supposed to do with all this? No matter how dubious the ingredients are, it seems like such a waste to throw it all away...

Comments

[patchricide]

A few. I'm hesitant to cram them in my mouth wildly without checking what's in them first, though. Too many have turned out to have milk hiding inside!

[continuousgroaning]

Honestly, I don't blame you there. Are you vegan or do you just not like milk?

[patchricide]

Vegan? What is that?

[Hang on, let's just look that up real quick... oh!]

No, it's nothing like that. Milk is just... [Her expression twists up as she tries to explain it.] ... unpleasant. Have you ever actually seen where it comes from?

[continuousgroaning]

From cows? Oh, yeah. That's something we learn when we're young here. Plus, growing up in a burger restaurant, I've kind of always known where beef and milk and cheese come from. Again, it's one of those things that I guess IS pretty gross when you think about it too hard.

[patchricide]

I can't not think about it. I saw it, with my own eyes.

It's burned into my memory now.

[She gets a dead-eyed expression, remembering...]

[continuousgroaning]

Well, I hope you can find a way to enjoy milk again some day. It makes so many good things. Like cheese, and ice cream... and... other stuff.

[patchricide]

... and milkshakes...

[There's a faint, despondent sigh. She really loved milkshakes, up until she learned too much and the entire concept turned sour in her mouth.]

The more I learn about food, the more it seems as though half the Earth diet comes from cows like Kaltenecker.

[continuousgroaning]

Quite a bit of it does. Human farmers raise a LOT of cows, though milk comes from other animals like goats and sheep too. Cows are just more common... though I don't know why. Yet another thing I haven't thought too deeply abou.

[patchricide]

It... does?

Why do you need so many? Is it different?

[She's still disgusted, yet somehow curious!]

[continuousgroaning]

There are a lot of humans on Earth. Around 7 billion, I think? Not everyone eats meat, or eats cows specifically, but plenty of us do- so we need a lot of cows.

[patchricide]

I had meant why you milk so many animals. Though... that is an incredible amount of cows.

What about those ones who don't eat meat? Do they have any problems with the milk?

[continuousgroaning]

Oh! Makes more sense. Earth has a lot of different climates, and cows can't live in all of them. Or aren't native to certain areas, or they're used for work and not food.

Depends on if a person's vegetarian or vegan. Vegans don't eat or use anything made from animals at all- no milk or eggs or even honey.

[patchricide]

In other words, goats were truly just mountain cows all along.

Honey? You mean the syrup in the bear shaped... containers...

... ... ...

Dare I ask which part of the bear that honey comes from?

[continuousgroaning]

Hey, mountain cow is a good name for a goat. More people should use it.

[Tina stifles a laugh at that, reminding herself that this is a sincere question and she shouldn't be rude.]

Nah, honey comes from bees! It's a stereotype that bears love to eat honey, but they don't make it. That would be even weirder than anything that comes out of a cow... or a goat.

[patchricide]

Oh! Really, that vicious animal has a sweet tooth? That's... oddly cute, actually.

[Suddenly a lot of things about bears make more sense. Like the cutesy little plush toys.]

But I do have to ask, how do you milk the bees?

[continuousgroaning]

Apparently so. At least in cartoons they do.

Well, bees live inside hives. They eat nectar and pollen from flowers, bring it back to their hive, and leave it in honeycombs, where it turns into honey. It takes a LOT of bees to make it, but it's fine, because they help keep plants and flowers alive, too.

[patchricide]

If I'm understanding this correctly, then, the bees are actually preparing the honey? Like a group of tiny little chefs?

[Beer brewing would probably be the more accurate metaphor, but no one's brought the princess to any breweries.]

I think from now on, I'm going to do everything I can to support their honey industry. [As if the bees are the ones selling it!]

[continuousgroaning]

That's a cute way to put it! [Tina's not going to elaborate on the part where they sort of... vomit the honey out. Because it's yet another thing that sounds gross when you think about it too much.]

It's good to help bees out- without them we wouldn't have plants or flowers whatsoever. They're an important part of life.