[ video ] »

[divaricate]

[ Wanda's camera is focused on an opened box that has small bottles in it. It's not quite a shitpost, but she's kinda stoked about it. ]

I just want to tell everyone about the greatest thing you can order on the internet now: Cat safe wine. No alcohol, obviously. Just catnip, and other natural cat-safe ingredients.

[ One of Wanda's four black cats comes up and sniffs the box, then turns its head to meow loudly at the camera. ]

I didn't invent this, but whoever did is getting so much of my money now.

[ shut up and take my money, basically. ]

Comments

[liverletdie]

[ Long, long pause. ]

Why? Why does this exist?

[divaricate]

Easy. The same reason poop emoji merchandise exists: Someone thought they were hilarious.

[ she's not wrong here ]

[liverletdie]

Is it really funny to give a pet wine?

Or is it sad? I'm voting sad.

[divaricate]

Technically, it's liquid catnip.

[liverletdie]

Oh, so you're buying Cannabis Oil for your cats instead. They're just using wine as the label.

Isn't that a little... disingenuous?

[divaricate]

Yes. On both counts. If I were feeding cats actual alcohol, I would let you arrest me ... again? sort of, I dunno ... [ avengers civil wars across the multiverse are weird ok, did he arrest her in earth 616 SHE DOESN'T KNOW ] and I had a bad enough time last time I went home -- you know, purple guy blah blah tacky metal glove blah blah gems.

[ that's how she's summarizing it, yes. baby's first thanos encounter awwwwww ]

[liverletdie]

Purple guy?

[ That doesn't narrow it down, but... ]

Oh, metal glove. You mean Thanos? Oh boy, oh boy. Now you're getting into the big leagues. How offensive is he?

[divaricate]

On a scale of one to ten, the offensiveness is truly infinity.

[ did she...

just make a pun?

ayup.

but really though fuck that guy. ]

His insane ass wants to help the overpopulation of the world by, wait for it — killing half of it. And did so. On 'team avengers and friends turned to ash by a gauntlet with the complete set of infinity stones' we have me, Sam, Vision except he was more dead by having a stone ripped out of him after I killed him per his request and it's a long story, T'Challa, Strange, and it just gets worse from there. [ With each 'poof' she sensed, she was increasingly like N O P E until her time came. ]

Tell me your universe's Thanos is dead.

[ because he is The Worst. in any incarnation. she has decided this. ]

[liverletdie]

If I remember right, he's certainly into Death.

[ He blanches. ]

But no, not dead. Although Earth's Overpopulation is hardly his kind of thing to worry about. The titans tend to... well.

Unless it's Starfox, they don't really care unless there's something on earth they want.

Or, you know, when we piss them off.

[divaricate]

Yeah, I think I lost brain cells hearing a guy with the power of the universe in his hand talk about re-balancing the world like he was on some humanitarian mission in his mind.

[ it was wild. and not in a good way. ]

As for Starfox, I have the feeling you're not talking about a console game.

[ who now what ]

[liverletdie]

Oh no. No most certainly not.

Starfox was... an Avenger, for a while. He's Thanos's brother.

[divaricate]

His. Brother. [ w h a t ]

Are you all okay over there, because that sounds like a dumpster fire of an idea. [ Not that she's always a fountain of brilliant ideas herself but LOOK. ]

[am_i_a_monster]

[Abigail smiles, and makes sure her own cats are visible, napping near her.]

Have the cats had any of it? Did they like it?

[divaricate]

They have. I have enough if you want some for your cats.

[am_i_a_monster]

Really? That'd be great. Thank you.

[rebelhealer]

This is a thing?

[divaricate]

Catnip and not alcohol, but yes. Yes it is.

[rebelhealer]

Obviously. But do they still enjoy it the way they do straight up catnip?

[divaricate]

Mine seem to, yes

[rebelhealer]

I might have to get some for my cats then.

[divaricate]

I'd recommend it. Best cat treat.

[sanguinespell]

That's... what? [ that's... a thing, all right. ]

[divaricate]

It's just a fancy label for liquid catnip, really.

[sanguinespell]

I'm just waiting for them to make vape juice for cats.

[pocketfulof]

Do cats...really need wine?

permavid

[mortalweapon]

[ Curiously: ]

I did not know you had pets, Wanda.

[divaricate]

Just four cats. I used to have a bakery here, and I found them hanging outside back there for a while, so I brought them home so they could be safe and warm. And now they're my babies.