maskormenace | two ☾ video

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[The video opens to the inside of a bakery that the natives know as the Slayer's Cake, a bakery that not one imPort has ever seen before. The interior, to anyone who's ever walked into a modern-day bakery, is a little strange—there's very little electricity, with electric torch-like lights all along the walls, and the display uses wooden boxes instead of clear plastic.

Molly carries the camera over to the display, and zooms in on a collection of cake pops that—

—is that almond bark from an actual almond tree?]

Is it normal for places to suddenly just pop into existence around here? First a whole city, now this bakery. Not that I'm complaining about the bakery, although—

[And he just waves a hand at the cake pops.]

When they said they had "almond bark" I wasn't expecting real bark.

[A quiet huff of breath, and Molly turns the camera around onto his face.]

Is anyone else finding this all a little bit weird?

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We probably should be surprised but I'm not sure I'd put anything past this world anymore...

Is real bark even edible?

[ asks the guy who doesn't eat anything! ]

You mean it's not normal? Could've sworn it was.

I have no idea, but it can't hurt to try.

[ Apollo shrugs broadly at the video feed ]

I'm probably not the best judge of 'normal'.

...Are you going to try the bark?

Fair enough, neither am I. [He gestures vaguely to himself, in explanation. Also fair, he is a heavily-tattooed lavender tiefling in an attention-grabbing coat and shiny pants.] Which is why I asked.

Of course. Like I said, can't hurt to try. What's the worst that could happen?

Fair enough, [ Apollo repeats with a grin because - yeah, heavily-tattooed lavender tiefling. In those pants. ]

I have a horrible feeling it's going to be like eating potpourri. [ He's kind of intrigued now. ] Or a whole bundle of cinnamon sticks.

You never know, it could be a religious experience. [Yeah, okay, odds are it won't be, and Molly doesn't expect it to be. He pays up for a few cake pops, takes a seat and takes a bite, chews thoughtfully, and swallows.]

Well, I'm not feeling the urge to convert, but they're not terrible. Kind of a bit crunchier than I thought it would be—you're not wrong on the cinnamon sticks.

[ Apollo winces but he's still intrigued nonetheless. He props his chin on one hand and watches Molly take a bite. ]

You could have your own show. Reviewing weird food that magically appears out of nowhere.

I feel like that needs weird food just magically popping into existence, and something tells me that doesn't usually happen around here. [A sigh.] Shame, the place could use a little more excitement.

Barring that, I'm willing to just review weird food in general. I've eaten worse.

Well, I'd watch.

[ He pauses. ]

Although I'm curious about what you consider 'worse' now...

Grass soup. Burned soup, that one time. Slop we threw together from some of our leftovers when the circus was on lean times. [He shrugs.] Last year I ate crickets for a, what was it, reality show? I didn’t win, but it was delicious.

[And really, it’s the trying that counts.]

Thank you, I’m glad to hear I’ll at least have one dedicated viewer.

Grass soup? [ Apollo winces. ] Was that on purpose, or...?

[ He tails off, realising that nobody would accidentally make grass soup. ]

I hope there were other ingredients besides grass, at least.

Sort of on purpose. [A careless, one-shouldered shrug.] We didn't always draw a crowd at the circus.

[He ducks his head for a moment, then resumes the cheery demeanor.]

Anyway, besides that—any recommendations on where to start filming? Or how to even start making a show, I suppose.

Definitely not normal. Almost two years here and this is pretty new. For me anyway.

[It takes Molly more time than it probably should to read the text, murmuring the words to himself. He doesn't bother replying in text.]

You never know, there could've been something like this before you got here. I'm really just surprised it apparently took a while to start pulling things other than people in.

Ooo, voice. Is that a preference? [It wouldn't be the first person she's run into like that. And she'd easily switch it up if need be.]

You're right, things like this could have happened before, but a few veteran players around here seem surprised when stuff like this happens too.

Oh, yes. I like hearing people's voices. Prefer it, even. [It's bullshit, he's functionally illiterate.]

I suppose this place likes keeping people on their toes. The moment you think you've seen everything it's got to throw at you, it's dug up something new. [A quiet huff.] How long does someone need to have been here to count as a veteran, by the way, have you got an estimate?

In that case, I can work with it.

[She doesn't care for the reason. If it's a preference, it's a preference she'll work in.]

This place likes to come up with twists and turns, no doubt about that. I've seen a couple of examples and I've only been here for close to two years. The veterans I'm talking about have been here for even longer than that. Three, some even have four years or more on their track record.

[Molly doesn't want to be here for two to four years. He's got other things to worry about, people to worry about, and he doesn't like being alone here for so long. His smile slips, and it's a lucky thing they're not on video, because that slip would be unmissable.]

Either something here must really like them, or something here must really hate them. [Anyway, moving on:] What kind of examples are we talking about, here?

'Weird' is an understatement. Something's not right about this.

Yeah, usually you don't actually put real bark into pastries, so far as I know. Unless I've been going to the wrong shops.

[A beat.] That, and the sudden appearances of all these places and things that weren't there before, I suppose. You know what's stranger? People keep insisting this bakery's been here the whole time. [Molly turns the camera slowly around, as if showing off the interior.]

Only, when I came by yesterday, this was a bookstore.

Bark?

[ Rex wrinkles his nose. ]

Cultural differences, I suppose. But you're not the only one who's noticed. Have you seen anything from your homeworld here as well?

[This is from his homeworld, not that Molly knows shit-all about shops outside of Wildemount.]

Who knows, maybe on some world that's just par for the course. [A shrug.] Not that I've seen so far. At least not from Wildemount. I'd find it a little strange if something I knew from Zadash suddenly just showed up here and everyone kept insisting it was always there.

Is the bark crunchy or chewy?

[Clearly the most important thing about this.]

[Some minutes later:] It's a bit crunchier than I expected, but at least the aftertaste's pleasant.

Do they offer it with toppings, or on its own?

[She looks very intent on this question. Toppings are very important on Earth she's found...and she's really coming to appreciate them.]

It’s the toppings, so far as I know. Comes as part of the cake pops, and some of the other pastries, although I’ve only tried the cake pops so far. I haven’t asked if they offer it on its own just yet, and I kinda doubt it.

Edited 2019-03-24 12:30 (UTC)

Oh. [She looks disappointed.] I have not eaten tree yet. I wonder if another restaurant will appear that provides more options, as new locations are appearing randomly now.

Or you could just find a tree and scrape a chunk off the bark. You don't have to pay for it first.

That... that... where is that?

[ That, that is a room-shaking Goliath roar, as Grog sees a piece of home and stares. ]

My buddy runs that store!

How is it here?

[ See a Goliath hyperventilating. ]

...you have a beard? [Listen, he's a tiny bit shocked, all right, goliaths don't generally have beards. He doesn't know shit-all about them but he knows they don't grow facial hair. So what the fuck, man.

Fortunately Molly shakes the shock off immediately, and just shrugs.]

I've got no idea, friend, why d'you think I'm asking the network? If it helps, it's in Heropa.

I do! It's a mighty and beautiful beard!

[ Grog grins proudly for a moment, clapping a hand to his beloved beard. Then he grows intense again. ]

I have to go there. I need to know if Pike is there.

[But you're a goliath? Molly immediately discards that question, because hey, whatever, goliaths can apparently grow beards now in some other world probably.]

And a wonderful beard it is. [This might as well happen.]

It's about—[and Molly seems to space out for a moment, mouth moving as he mentally retraces how he got here]—a half-hour's walk away from the Porter in Heropa. The one that takes you to all the other cities, not the one that's dragged us here in the first place. It's not far from the imPort neighborhood, I think? Can't be more than a block away. Also, there's a skinny little tree in front of it that's got a swing, if that helps.

[ Grog grins, leading forward, and nods, bouncing, eyes alive with excitement. ]

It's magic! I'm a powerful sorcerer!

[ He leans in to listen, and repeating to his phone thing what the Tiefling says. Once he gets the directions,he nods. ]

I'll go there! Perfect!

[ He starts up, pauses and leans in to peer at the camera. ]

Thank you.

[That 11 on his insight check means Molly believes him. Who knows, maybe there’s a spell or magical item that can induce beard growth, it’s not like Molly knows shit about magic. That, he leaves up to Caleb. God, he misses Caleb.]

You’re welcome. I’ll be standing right outside, you can’t miss me. [Indeed, Molly is the most violently colorful thing on the block, and once Grog gets there he’s standing outside on the sidewalk, munching on a bear claw with cinnamon filling and very quietly missing Jester, and Caleb, and all of the Mighty Nein.

The second he sees Grog, he goes up on the very tips of his toes and waves his snake-tattooed arm to catch his arm.] Hey! Big man!

[ Grog believes himself, so, really, such thinkings are understandable. Grog charges toward where he has been told to go, and when he spots the tiefling standing there, he bounds forward.

He wears a pale white t-shirt, which bulges at the seams to contain him, along with a pair of sweatpants doing the same, with black boots on his feet that radiate oddness. Around his waist gleams a leather and gold belt, with a front face carved with ancient Dwarven runes. From that belt hangs various pouches, including one that is a bright brown, with grey thread, as well as a sword. Across his back is strapped a mighty greataxe which gleams in the light.

On seeing Molly, he raises a hand. ]

Friend!

[...and here Molly left his swords at home. His fake swords, granted, but still. Staring at Grog and the sword and the greataxe and all the rest of him, the most Molly can do to even catch a single person's attention is to just turn his collar up and hope that it makes him look mysterious.

As soon as Grog's in range, he reaches out to pat his bulging bicep, in part to signify their friendship and also because, like. Bulging biceps. And Molly has working eyes.]

What's your friend look like, by the way?

[ Leaving weapons at home is not something Grog knows how to do, really. He charges ahead, and tends to be prepared for it. He cocks his head and smiles at the smaller man. ]

My Pal Pike? She's a monster! A brute of a terror, about three foot high, and muscled, and usually wearing more plate armor than you can shake a stick at. You usually hear her coming before you8 see her.

[ he laughs, smiling joyously. ]

She's got light hair, and deep eyes, and kind of light skin, but not as light as mine.

Technically, we all popped into existence...via the porter, anyway. But yeah, this is weird. Especially the part where everyone acts like the new stuff's always been here.

Technically, [Molly echoes, with what sounds like an awful, high-pitched rendition of an Eastern European accent,] we're all a bit weird here, technically. [A bit being an understatement.

Back to his regular Irish accent:] That last part is honestly what's strangest of all. I mean, I can buy places showing up. If the Porter can pull in people, no reason why it can't bring in places and things. But most of the time they don't bother with the pretense that we were always here, so why bother now?

Right. And what's the pattern? Is there a pattern? Have things popped up from everyone's worlds?

I haven't seen anything from Wildemount yet, but so far as I've noticed, it's things that seem—close to people's hearts? [It's a wild guess he's venturing forth with here, and he fully expects it to get shot down immediately.

Also, the Slayer's Cake is from Exandria, it's just a continent and twenty years away from Molly.]

I'm fully expecting this to somehow come back and bite us all in the arse, though. [He says, munching on a cake pop with real almond bark in it.]

[Surprise, surprise, Elena's openminded enough not to shoot the idea down immediately. (Or maybe she's just seen a lot of weird shit.) Either way, she just looks thoughtful.]

Yeah, that does seem to be the way of it, doesn't it? Maybe everyone who patronizes these sudden arrivals will sprout an evil clone or something.

You are the second person on this network that I've seen who's suggested the possibility of evil clones, surprisingly. Do you all have some kind of grudge or something?

[He did not do his reading. Granted, Molly's functionally illiterate, but at the same time it's just—boring. There are so many better things he could be using his time for, like eating cake pops with real bark in them.]

Not a grudge so much as we've learned from experience.

[Jazz hands in the world's general direction.]

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