video.

[criminallysane]

[ Joker stands in front of a sparkly purple curtain, wearing a purple-and-white striped summer boating jacket with a matching straw hat. He looks like a carnival barker from the 40’s, like he ought to be encouraging you to try your luck on the midway, or maybe selling you cotton candy. He beams at the camera. ]

Beautiful afternoon we’ve got today, isn’t it, friends? The mercury’s up, all those pesky socially-mandated ethical standards are down, and everybody’s looking for a good time!

But what’s this I’m hearing? You say you’re sitting at home, all by your lonesome? Wishing you had somewhere to go where you could chase your cares away?

Well! Uncle Joker’s got just the thing! Let’s put a smile on that smacker, get the bored out of your gourd, and give you that good summer fun you and I both know you deserve!

And here to tell you all about it (in musical fashion, of course!) is my lovely assistant. The one, the only—and thank goodness for that!—Miss Harley Quinn!

[ A trumpet sounds in the background, tinny and shrill, as Joker makes a grand sweeping gesture toward the curtain behind him. The curtain jerks open, and there she is: the former Harleen Quinzel, now wearing a giant peanut costume and sitting atop an elephant.

A keen observer with an eye for wildlife might notice that this elephant bears a striking resemblance to Bernadette, the pachyderm who was stolen last night from the local zoo. (Three zoo employees were found dead this morning, coincidentally: two in the zoo itself, and one at his home in De Chima. All three presented the classic signs of having been Joker Venomed: bulging eyes, enormous rictus grins, and discoloration of the skin. Truly, the world is full of bizarre coinky-dinks!) This elephant, however, is decked out in fully-sequined circus wear: spangly purple blanket with fringe, glittering head strap with a Joker-smile insignia in the center, the works. The sequining all looks hand-done.

Atop the beastie, Harley begins singing the song Joker wrote for her, which goes to the tune of Take Me Out to the Ballgame. Kazoo instrumentals, which appear to be coming out of thin air, can’t quite keep her on-pitch, but she’s clearly giving this her best shot. ]

♫ Take me out to De Chiiiima
Come on bring all your paaals
We’ve got a bounce house and bar-be-cuuee
Mechanical bull and an elephant too!

Oh you’ll meet, greet, beat all your neigh-bors
You might even find a leiii
‘Cause there’s food, fun, and sur-prises too
At De Chi. Ma. Daaaay! ♫
[ The camera lurches back to Joker, who looks genuinely pained by that performance. Seeing the camera, he puts his smile back on and pushes extra cheer into his voice. ]

Yes, Harley, that’s right! We’re throwing a block party and cookout down here in De Chima, and eeeeveryone’s invited!

Bring the kids, the sweetheart, the best friend you’ve got some weird unresolved tension with. Anybody you like, folks! Take a ride on Lucy the Elephant, enjoy a tasty burger, throw your buddy or child into our 100%-guaranteed-safe bounce house, and make some new friends. It all starts today—right now, in fact!

So get yourself on over here, and if you see a hero type… [ His smile sharpens, just a smidge. ] By all means, bring them with you.

Comments

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[thepowerofthor]

Sounds like fun!

[criminallysane]

Oh, I positively guarantee it!

[thepowerofthor]

I look forward to it!

[heymisterj]

Don’t judge me for the peanut costume.

It was an artistic choice.


...I think we were having technical difficulties. That doesn’t sound anything like the dulcet ballad of my voice.

[ID: The Joker] Voice.

[criminallysane]

You sing like a bird, Peanut.

A goose, to be specific.

[ID: Harley Quinn ] Voice.

[heymisterj]

I ain't no snitch.

I was more thinking a songbird.

[ She's thinking wrong. ]

[criminallysane]

[ He hadn't honestly expected her to catch that. Joker's voice warms a bit, turning more affectionate in its teasing. ]

You'd rather be a Robin, is that it?

[ID: Catwoman] VOICE ▸

[sexual]

Sorry, can't make it. I'm afraid I'll be busy washing my hair that night.

[ID: The Joker] Voice.

[criminallysane]

You don't how good it is to hear that sweet purr of yours, Kitty Cat~

And you wouldn't really stand me up for this, now, would you?

After I picked up a whole case of the very best gourmet cat food just to make you feel welcome? I think it might even be made with real meat.

[sexual]

What a pity the feeling isn't mutual.

And I would. I'm not interested in anything you're peddling and the amount of Bats in this place alone? I'm not interested in being caught in any crossfire, either. Frankly, the further I am from De Chima when this little party of yours kicks off, the better.

[criminallysane]

Yes, yes. Heaven forbid you be caught anywhere near a Bat, hm? Perish the thought.

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[batricide]

[ oh, good. he's just minding his own business and this crosses his screen and suddenly he's seeing red and hearing static.

he wouldn't be batman's most problematic child if he can't resist blowing his network anonymity to threaten the joker. ]

I'm going to fucking kill you.

[ID: The Joker] Voice.

[criminallysane]

[ Well, now, isn't it nice when a new voice says something familiar?

Joker's beaming, and you can hear every inch of that smile in his tone. ]

I love it when death threats involve adverbs. Especially really good creative ones like that!

I mean, if you were just going to kill me, meh. Heard that one before, you know? But fucking kill me? Or--even better--giddily kill me? Capriciously kill me, perhaps? Now we're getting somewhere!

Best of luck, Honey Bunny.

[batricide]

All of the above and more, you freaking psycho.

[ gleefully, vengefully, brutally. those are all good words.

but the line goes dead and damian doesn't give a single flying fuck what happens to him after it does. he's been to prison back home. you acclimate. and they're not that hard to get out of. ]

Video | Filtered to Damian

[bodilesswarrior]

[Barbara's reaction wasn't much different, but she had the sense to throw her comm across the room and desperately try to cool down.

By the time she sees Damian's response - remembers his voice from their nightmare, registers his name - she's made of stone. On the surface, anyway.]

For god's sake don't announce yourself. [Her voice is cold and harsh. Offscreen, her hands are trembling.]

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[batricide]

[ gordon. the shock of her face filling up his screen is enough to stun him into silence for a moment. he remembers the dreams. remembers her willingness to shoot, and kill and... ]

Tt. I'm leaving now. [ He doesn't offer from where. ] So you can come watch, or call the old man, but I'm ending this before it starts.

Video; Private; id: the Outsider

[crypdick]

[ He recognizes one of these two. He's unmistakable from the vision he had. And when he responds he makes it private, because he doesn't want dear Babsy to know he's speaking to the man she told him of. Though it is open to Harley Quinn also, if she cares to respond. He assumes they're relatively new, or he would have found out about them one way or another.

The Outsider looks young, possibly in his teens, though it's hard to tell exactly. Something about the way he acts on top of those inhuman black eyes throws off his age. ]

Hello, Joker. Some might not be ready to celebrate your arrival -- [ On top of Barbara, he's noted a couple of the responses so far. ] -- but evidently you two are.

Video.

[criminallysane]

[ Joker leaves the privacy settings as is. Some folks get shy in front of a crowd, after all, and he wants Junior Creepy here to feel free to speak his mind.

Joker himself appears totally relaxed, nodding like he and "the Outsider" (an emo-goth teen handle if ever there was one!) have been chit-chatting for months instead of seconds. ]

Well, as my proctologist used to say: If it's worth doing, it's worth celebrating!

Plus, it's hard to be too glum when you've got an elephant.

[crypdick]

[ As far as an audience goes, the Outsider is unmoved. He's not stoic, per say, but a bored sort of calm with nary a smile or twitch of the lips to him.

At least he understands the name, now. ]

Am animal like that isn't so easy to find in this world. You must have gone some lengths to procure it.

video;

[mildmanneredwriter]

[This guy seems...vaguely familiar...but Clark can't place him, and it doesn't occur to him that he might another imPort from a world that was an actual comics universe in his world. Who's geek pop culture? Clark doesn't know her.]

Huh. That's pretty nice of you guys.

video.

[criminallysane]

[ Well, hold the phones! Who've we got here?

Joker puts on his best innocent smile, the one that usually means he's got hostages tied up in the back room with a bomb. ]

Not at all!

The people here have been so very warm and welcoming to Harley and me. Seems only right that we return the favor.

video.

[mildmanneredwriter]

[Huh. Looks like he's dressed festively already. Is that clown makeup? Eh, maybe it's a thing from his world. Who is Clark to judge.]

Is she your girlfriend? Wife? You're lucky. I haven't met many couples who were ported in together.

Video

[drivesadesk]

Where did you get an elephant?

Video.

[criminallysane]

A generous donation from an unknown friend, of course. Where else?

Video.

[drivesadesk]

...you must have some very rich friends.