ANONYMOUS TEXT

[irwins]

[Shaun is not usually one to post things anonymously. He's always been a blogger. He's used to life in the public eye back home. But this... Well. This discussion isn't one he's quite ready to have openly. Not with Georgia around. Not with Becks also here.]

So none of us asked to be dragged to this place, right? But now that we're here, I can't be the only person who doesn't want to leave.

I know that could change. It could change fast.

How do you handle it? Living a life that could get ripped away at any minute?

I know that's always true. I know it real fucking well. But it's even more true and immediate here somehow. So how do you deal with that besides super heavy denial?


[And denial only works so well when there's a quiet voice at the back of your mind, one that hasn't been given a chance to put down deep roots or find its volume, but one that is there and waiting to whisper the worst sort of warnings and worst case scenarios.]

Comments

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[giveaway]

I know you said the stuff about denial, but I'll be honest I don't think of it that way. And like you also said, it's always true right?? My life back home was never stable, if anything this feels more stable than that.

I think it's like accepting that this isn't permanent, and knowing that that's okay and that you can still have fun, you can still be happy, you can still live

Sure those thoughts are still there, but you can't let them keep you from moving forward

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[irwins]

It's one of those easier said than done things is the problem. I don't want to let it keep me moving forward. I don't know how to make it to that acceptance. I really wish I did.

It's not about having fun though. It's about this world having something mine doesn't anymore. Something I lost. Something I don't know how to live without.


[And trying to wrap his mind around the new information that he's received recently about that loss and what will happen and what it means for him and his sister.]

[giveaway]

Obviously I'm not an expert so I'd say maybe get a therapist and talk it out there in addition to consulting network cause yeah we're a good resource in that we're all going through same thing but it's not quite the same you know what I mean?????

Sorry that probably didn't make sense

But I guess you could try working through that loss here, on your own time and your own terms. Or there's always denial too. Which is I don't know was it denial if back home you didn't think about your own death every day? I bet there's people who never think about it and they're not denying it, but it's just tucked away somewhere

[irwins]

Makes enough sense. I get it.

I thought about my own death several times a day. Sort of how life works in my world.

[giveaway]

Ok me too honestly but I was hoping one of us might be a normal person with normal thoughts

[irwins]

Nah. We're a collection of traumatized freaks. But we're generally pretty good people, so we got that going for us?

[giveaway]

Trueeeeeeeee
at this point I shouldn't expect anything else lol

[irwins]

Nope. This place apparently has a type.

And we have the dubious honor of fitting that. Yay us.

[giveaway]

There's gotta be someone here who's like weird and normal and happy right? Like statistically speaking. Maybe they're just not as loud as us on the network

[irwins]

There's gotta be. Like some bell curve. Freaks in the middle. Normies in lowers numbers off in the tails.

[giveaway]

Where are the studies people where are they!!!
I mean I don't know about you but I am lowkey interested in how normies are doing here

[irwins]

It's a good question. I mean, you'd think they'd have a harder time adjusting. Or maybe that's just a huge generalization assumption and they handle it better than anyone.

[giveaway]

Once you get settled in here, it's not too difficult to have a normal life. If you ignore the random stuff that happens every once in a while... but like I said before, I think some of us weirdos have more normal lives now.

[irwins]

This world has the sort of normal mine used to. From what I can tell anyway. As far back as i can remember, fucked up weird is the new normal.

[giveaway]

Saaaaaaame. Some of the stuff here is a different weird, but it's still weird so it balances out

[irwins]

Exactly.

Hell. Any less weird it'd probably be boring. I'm awful with boring.