video | a zombie PSA from the After the End Times staff

[choosetruth]

[Georgia is wearing her sunglasses and a scowl as usual when the video starts.]

Okay, all you pre-Rising people who’ve never seen a zombie before. As you may have noticed, we’ve got an undead problem. No, this is not a prank. Yes, they’re real. Fortunately for you, the Porter brought in experts.

[She turns the camera to capture Shaun, Becks, and their new zombie pal they have all tied up in the corner.]

Take it away, Shaun and Becks.

[Lights, camera, action then. Just like old times. Shaun, by the easy grin on his face alone, is clearly on at the moment, and he inclines his head towards their new undead friend, who currently would very much like to chew on any or all of them, but is currently tethered (and boy had that been fun) so that it can’t quite reach any of them.]

That’s right. [Shaun, who inexplicably has a pool cue, gestures with it like a pointer, nudging at the zombie with the tip.] Behold the zombie, the walking undead. He does not want to be your friend or discuss the weather. Mostly he wants to chew on your face and turn you into either his dinner or a fellow zombie. [A beat and he adds,] Or both.

You do not want him to do this. You will not enjoy it. So step one is staying far, far away from zombies. And if you can’t do that, then at least stay far away from their teeth. [And here he pokes his pool cue into the creature’s cheek. A glance towards Becks.]

[Becks has her hair smartly tied into a ponytail. If this were a video for her blog back home, she might have done the super rebellious thing and left her hair down in a cascade of curls-- but this wasn't for ratings, this was for informing the clueless masses. So she did it right, and didn't leave her hair loose, to give the zombie an easy grabbing-target. She has a smile, bright and energetic enough to match Shaun's. She's got a cross-bow in her hand. Oh, she's missed this.]

If there's one thing I hate, it's when your date tries to eat your face in the middle of the first course. [She manages not to laugh at her own, awful joke.] Three things you need to remember when dealing with zombies.

One: They aren't whoever they look like anymore, and you can't save them by trying to remind them of the person they were before they turned. [She looks at the zombie and leans forward on her knees, still just out of its reach, but close enough to make it struggle against its restraints and give a frustrated groan when it can't reach her.] I think we'll call you Tim, you look like you might have been a Tim, once. What d'ya say? [Zombie-Tim just groans again.

Becks pops back up and spins toward the camera again.] Two: Long-distance kills are your best bet-- [She wanders away from the zombie, a good distance away, and sets up the shot-- she won't kill him. Yet. They aren't to that part of the demonstration. She shoots an arrow through the air and it lands in Tim's shoulder and she's back to the camera again.] less chance of you becoming one of them if you can do a murder from a distance! [There's another grin, and she throws a thumbs-up to the camera.]

And last, but not least... bites aren't the only thing to avoid if you find yourself in a confrontation with a zombie. Scratches can be just as bad, and contact with their bodily fluids-- blood, spit, whatever-- means game over. [For all her laid-back bluster for the most part, Becks is looking at the camera very seriously now.]

That’s the basics, folks. To take one of the moaning undead down, your best bet is a headshot. Anything else will only slow them down at best. And for anything contaminated with blood or otherwise, bleach is your best friend.

[Shaun’s grin widens and he looks at Georgia off camera like he’s sure she’s going to murder him for what happens next, but that doesn’t stop him. He clears his throat and to the general tune of Ode to Joy, he sings,]

Teeth and nails and blood and spit,
Don't get scratched and don't get bit.
When in doubt aim for the head,
Do your best to not get dead!

[Okay, enough of that nonsense. Georgia turns the camera back towards herself and frowns at it.]

Don’t let Becks’ and my idiot brother’s attitude fool you. We’ve been living with the undead our entire lives, and we’ve earned a certain levity. But that doesn’t mean we take this shit lightly. People will die before this is done. Some already have. Be careful. It’s not just humans who can get infected, it’s any mammal over 40 pounds. And oh. If you think your superpowers might make you immune?

[She tugs her sunglasses down and stares straight into the camera with her dark, dead-looking eyes. She doesn’t blink.]

Think about how fucked we’ll be if we get superpowered zombies, and maybe don’t take the chance.

Comments

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[the_horror]

[he stared at the video for a while before he found words, and even then he went to text, because his mood over this video would be easier to hide in text. That is to say, he's not really impressed by how they're treating the zombie, which he knows is really dumb in a way. It's a zombie. It's meant to die. But their entire show of being experts but also so flippant? It feels wrong.]

Was it necessary to tie one up and demonstrate? I think most that information, albeit colorful, could have been given in instruction with out demonstration.

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[choosetruth]

Necessary? No. But effective, yes. People pay a lot more attention to morons poking zombies with sticks than talking heads.

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[irwins]

Honestly? Yeah. If you want people to pay attention, you give them something to pay attention to.

Look I get it. You want to have sympathy. That's a really human response. And it's the response that got countless people killed during the Rising. Zombies are people shaped, but they stopped being people when they converted. They're a walking virus factory that wants nothing but to make more of itself. They don't think. They don't feel. They just feed.

It sucks. It's ugly and uncomfortable. And people need to see it. You hesitate, you give the undead a chance because you feel bad for them, because you're thinking of them as people, more actual people die.

[There's reason behind the spectacle, and the harsh irrefutable math of the cold equations.]

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[insincerecharm]

They aren't people, that's your first problem, thinking of them that way is going to get you and other people, real, alive people, killed.

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[flightforfreedom]

[ Cool, great, he hates this, thanks. ]

Is there seriously no way to help them? Like I get that you can't just call them Tim and have them come back, or whatever, but this has to be something physical, right? Some kind of disease?

Can they be cured?

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[irwins]

No. Science has been looking for decades back home. But even if they can figure a way to take down the virus, there's no bringing back someone who's converted. Zombies aren't sick. They're dead. The virus is just animating what's left of their flesh.

[If it is the same or similar to the zombie virus in his world, people could and would have it dormant in their bodies right now. That's where a cure could apply.]

[hatestrashcans]

[ Unlike the others', Marco's voice is cheerful and he's got a smile on his face. ]

Oh, zombies are so much better than Yeerks. They don't even act like people! And they don't have laser guns or spaceships or any high-tech ways to kill you.

Which is to say I have zero problem killing things that look like people.

I also might be able to cure an infection, not that I intend on getting close enough to find out, thanks.

So honestly, I'm probably a good bet for zombie killing.

[insincerecharm]

At least someone around here is sensible. [She approves of you, kid.]

What makes you am effective zombie killing machine, exactly? [Color her curious]

[irwins]

[Marco! A breath of fresh air. Or at least someone similarly broken and jaded by fighting a zero sum war.]

I mean. Avoid trying to find out but hey.

[That's Shaun's strategy. Apparently he might be immune??? Not planning on testing it if he doesn't have to.]

And you've got it. No higher brain function. The person they used to be is dead and gone. And their only weapons are their teeth and nails. But don't underestimate them. Especially in numbers. Getting caught out by a horde is a bad, bad day.

They're smarter in groups. No fucking clue why. But they are.

[choosetruth]

Don't plant the idea of zombies with laser guns and spaceships in Shaun and Becks' heads, I beg you. We don't have the budget to pull it off.

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[hellogoodhigh]

cool think im gonna be sick
geez and i thought ghosts were bad
at least i could banish revenants...

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[choosetruth]

You might be able to banish these ones too. I have no clue how shit like that will work with our zombies. We don't have magic or superpowers in our world. Just zombies and the internet.

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[irwins]

Zombies can best be banished with a gun or other long range projectile. To the brain box.

But if that isn't your thing, best idea is not to engage.

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[insincerecharm]

Because of the zombies or our demonstration? [Because, honestly, they didn't even kill the thing on screen, bruh.] What are the specific requirements of banishing? Also someone back up and explain what a revenant is?

Permavid

[governorkang]

It wouldn't be my first time tangling with undead, though ours are magical rather than viral. Good to know I don't have to worry about getting infected.

[choosetruth]

Not a mammal, I take it? [She nods.] Do me a favor, and don't rely on that. You're probably safe if the virus really is identical to the one from our world and if it interacts with your species in the same way it interacts with non-mammals of our world. When it comes to zombies, I don't like relying on ifs.

[irwins]

Magical undead sound just as shitty. [Shaun offers with a cheery enough grin.]

But hey, that's the bright side! I wouldn't advise trying it out anyway, since getting bitten looks like it sucks even without the whole zombifying and eating your loved ones bonus.

[insincerecharm]

Are magical undead also an easily spreadable contagion in their own right? [Sorry, she's just curious now.] I agree with the others, though: Err to the side of caution on that score-- who knows what this place might have done to change what we know somehow.

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[112ounces]

[ Carl, who has the potential to make super-powered zombies with his own bites alone, decides not to mention it. ]

If zombies you mention are like the walkers back home, it might be better to note they can still go after if you even if it looks like they aren't going anywhere, like stuck in quick sand or in a bear trap. They don't care if they lose a foot as long as they can get to you.

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[choosetruth]

[DON'T DO IT CARL.]

That's a good addition. Though losing feet at least slows them down. That's worth something, especially if you're not good enough to be sure of a headshot.

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[notafraidofyou]

[Tim's eyebrows are up into his hairline.]

............creepy. Kinda gross.

What's the verdict on fire? Because guns are super not my thing, but explosions don't bother me much.

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[choosetruth]

Then you get zombies, but on fire.

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[crassidy]

o an undead PROBLEM???
#notallundead

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[irwins]

Did a zombie write this?

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[drivesadesk]

What about non-mammals?

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[irwins]

If this is the virus we know, if it's Kellis-Amberlee, we know it doesn't affect non-mammal species on our Earth.

[A shrug.] So non-mammals could be just fine? But I wouldn't put it to the test if I were you.

[text | anonymous]

[batburgers]

The information was pretty detailed, so points for that.

The demonstration could use some work, but it was effective. B+ I'd watch again.

[text | anonymous]

[irwins]

We take some time to hit our stride. Season 2 will be epic.

But the info's the important part. This shit could go from bad to worse fast.

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[codeofiron]

How long do they last?

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[choosetruth]

The zombies? Depends how well they feed.

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[by_candlelight]

What are some ways you absolutely should not kill a zombie, aside from the obvious one of 'don't try to rip their spines out through their mouth with your bare hands'? Is a good oil fire going to do much to slow them down, or does it not do enough damage in a fast enough period of time to be worth it? Would explosions be a good idea due to how quickly it can take out multiple targets, or a bad idea because of how far the spray of contaminated material would go? That kind of thing.

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[choosetruth]

...yes those are all very bad ways to kill a zombie. Good work.

[Rip their spines out of their mouth with your bare hands what even.]

Explosions are effective, but yes, spray is an issue. You have to be far enough away to be sure you won't get hit. Fire will kill them eventually, but until it does you've just got zombie, but on fire. They don't feel pain so they won't be slowed down.

Engaging a zombie in close combat is a bad idea even if you don't put your hand in their mouth to... pull out their spines. [Seriously, what.] If you have even the tiniest cut and zombie blood gets on you, or some zombie spit gets in your eye, you're dead. Even if you manage to kill the zombie first. Even if you don't get bitten.