001 | voice

[measuringdicks]

Okay, quick question from the new guy to everybody else: what the fuck is going on? [Richie has been scrolling through the network for a bit, apparently. He's not too pleased about the apocalypse that's coming up in less than a week.] Why does everybody think the world's ending in a week? What's this shit about twins and spider's altars? What the dick is even happening?

[Oh, wow, this kid's voice is hitting some concerning levels of panic.]

I just got here! No one told me the world was going to end in less than a fucking week before I saw all this bullshit popping up, what the fuck, that's the kind of shit you should tell someone in the first ten minutes! What the fuck am I supposed to do, cram my bucket list into six days?

Comments

[atypically]

Agreed. I bet if we put together a petition or protest or something, it might start to get the ball rolling. Assuming we make it through this, I don't want anybody else to feel like this when they get online the first time. It's fucking fucked.

[kamala_khan]

We work together. If we do that we can accomplish just about anything.

cw not great attitude about mental illness

[measuringdicks]

At least—that's a lot, fuck. We have a plan besides, like, show up in one place and start using our powers at the exact same time? It can't be that simple. This shit's never that simple.

[Oh.]

So they're evil motherfuckers who have a splinter faction for more evil motherfuckers. Jesus, they sound like a bunch of psychos, what are they doing running around trying to end the world instead of being locked up in a loony bin?

[measuringdicks]

Everything about this mess is some level of fucked up, the kidnapping's most fucked of all! I'm just saying, the fact that we have apocalypse experts at all is a little sketchy. [Although Richie's probably a hypocrite for saying as much, considering his hometown, and the monster living in its sewers.]

Yeah, but my dick's delicious. Gets all the girls back home. [Pivoting from grim humor to "haha I'm definitely a straight person" humor, that's how Richie Tozier does it.] I'm just saying. It's way more at risk than any other part of me.

[No.]

She's the PR person for the Justice League? Since when do superhero teams need PR people?

[measuringdicks]

[Since, unfortunately, no one is here to beep him:] That's not what she said when we last met.

I'll be at the Porter.

[measuringdicks]

How do you start a petition in 2019? Back at home we'd just, like, circulate a clipboard around the classroom and hope for the best, and they never worked.

[Because of It, probably.]

Also, hey, guess what, we missed the goddamn fucking Death Star.

[measuringdicks]

[He'd buy that from Bill, because Bill is—well, Bill. He's the leader of the Losers' Club, the big ideas man, the guy they'd all walk into hell with. Even pissed at him, Richie would still be right behind him.

Kamala? He doesn't know Kamala. So instead he just scoffs.]

That's some vague bullshit and you know it. I need specifics. Do we even have a plan beyond just, like, work together and hope we're not all ass-fucked by a god?

[measuringdicks]

Yeah, I keep hearing about it, but—there's no way to fix it sooner, right? It's gotta happen the day of?

[A beat.]

What the fuck. I didn't know this was the second apocalypse!

[atypically]

You just go online and share it on Facebook and shit. It's super easy.

Death Star?

[ Sorry, Richie, he's never seen any Star Wars movies. ]

[atypically]

Okay, I got it, chill.

See you then.

[by_candlelight]

I mean, it's not that sketchy in comparison to everything else. The porter rarely brings in normal, well-adjusted individuals without anything crazy in their past. On a scale as big as the multiverse, it's sorta strange we don't have more experts.

[ It takes Ruby every ounce of control she has to not say 'what a small thing to be worried about'. She's trying to be helpful, and implying a guy has a small penis is definitely not going to help calm him down. ]

Not really the PR person, but she's talking to people about this whole thing going on here. As for PR people... Well, I don't know about in their own universes, but the Justice League has a twitter account, I think. Or at least a twitter account making use of the name that posts public safety alerts. That's probably done by someone who staffs the base, since the heroes are probably too busy chasing after the menace being posted about to actually do the posting personally. I don't know for sure. I'm just a trainee.

[perfectlyhuman]

[ A purse of the lips and an awkward shrug. He gets it, Richie, he really does, but there's a thing that happens when you get past your first Almost-Apocalypse. ]

Yeah, I guess it is. A friend of mine has a bunch of notes, and I guess the thing that's coming already destroyed one place. But another one brought everyone here from there.

[ He thinks it brought everyone, anyway. ]

No one told us, though. We've been here for a while and no one mentioned it.

[justlittle]

There's probably more to it but it involves magic and divinity, neither of which are my strong suit.

Oh, they stopped operating on logic years ago. Before I ever showed up here. But hopefully once this kicks off, we can stop them for good.

[measuringdicks]

Can you send me those notes? At least if we're gonna be fucked I'd rather know more about who or what's doing the fucking.

[All these names are flying over his head, really.]

Someone should say something about that shit in like, the first hour. You shouldn't just leave the new guys to find out for themselves from the first five posts they see on the network.

[measuringdicks]

What the fuck's a Facebook?

Like in Star Wars? How are you from the future and you don't know what a Death Star is, god, you fuckin' dweeb.

[measuringdicks]

We don't need more experts, because there shouldn't be more apocalypses if you guys do this right.

[A pause.]

I mean, that sounds like PR to me: talking to people and trying to spin this shit so it sounds survivable. Also, quick question, what's a twitter account? [He's from 1989. Computers exist, but they're not that advanced.]

[measuringdicks]

So who can I talk to about the magic and divinity parts?

Why couldn't we have stopped them before? Like, before they tried to end the world. There's so many of us that they shouldn't have gotten this far, so what the fuck, did we fall down on the job?

[atypically]

You don't have Facebook? Shit, when was Facebook invented...? Do you have the Internet at least?

Oh. Oh, I'm the dweeb? I don't know what a Death Star is because Star Wars is for nerds, man. I've never seen them. There's like a hundred of them, I couldn't catch up if I wanted to.

[justlittle]

I don't know, try asking your mommy.

[ Bean's starting to regret trusting this kid. ]

Do you have to be so critical? You just got here; we've been living with this shit for months. I'd like to see you do better.

[perfectlyhuman]

I’ll ask her. You might see her, though. Her name’s Jane.

[ Now his expression can be easily summed into an unimpressed yep.]

Yeah. I don’t get why they didn’t. I’ve been here for two months or so, and my friends have been here longer, and none of us knew.

If someone went to all the trouble of writing stuff down, you’d think they’d tell other people all the time.

Pretend I said 'bwitter'. I forgot.

[by_candlelight]

I mean, as many experts for this apocalypse as possible is ideal.

It's less 'spin' and more 'if we work together we have a chance, please don't panic and actually help if you're able'. Uh, Bwitter is a social network. Are you familiar with what those are? [ A pause. ] Okay, well. You're vaguely familiar, since you're on a social network communicating with me, but this is a limited social network for imPorts only. Bwitter, Rumblr, and a few others are world-wide networks.

[kamala_khan]

[Kamala rolls her eyes at him briefly]

We're working on a plan. Do you have anything of use to actually help us?