001 | voice

[measuringdicks]

Okay, quick question from the new guy to everybody else: what the fuck is going on? [Richie has been scrolling through the network for a bit, apparently. He's not too pleased about the apocalypse that's coming up in less than a week.] Why does everybody think the world's ending in a week? What's this shit about twins and spider's altars? What the dick is even happening?

[Oh, wow, this kid's voice is hitting some concerning levels of panic.]

I just got here! No one told me the world was going to end in less than a fucking week before I saw all this bullshit popping up, what the fuck, that's the kind of shit you should tell someone in the first ten minutes! What the fuck am I supposed to do, cram my bucket list into six days?

Comments

[measuringdicks]

What the fuck is right! They should've said something about it the second we arrived! "Hi, motherfucker, welcome to bizarro Earth, you're probably gonna die in some goddamn apocalypse in less than a week, hope you didn't have anything to do next week!" Jesus fucking Christ, and we're stuck here?!

[atypically]

Seriously, though, what the hell are we supposed to do? I'm not trying to die in some rando place with a bunch of people I don't know who are acting entirely too chill about the end of the world.

[measuringdicks]

I don't know! I've got way more questions than I have answers!

Also, no one said there were fucking zombies either, I literally learned that just now off this Ruby chick. Where the fuck were zombies and apocalypses in the speech we got when we got here, huh?

[atypically]

Right? Jesus, no matter where you go, the government just keeps secrets and tells lies. Awesome.

[measuringdicks]

If we make it out of this alive, and I really hope we do because I didn't fucking survive Derry just to die here, we should demand a better intro spiel for everyone who comes in after us. I'd have appreciated the warning about the zombies and the apocalypse in like, the first hour.

[atypically]

Agreed. I bet if we put together a petition or protest or something, it might start to get the ball rolling. Assuming we make it through this, I don't want anybody else to feel like this when they get online the first time. It's fucking fucked.

[measuringdicks]

How do you start a petition in 2019? Back at home we'd just, like, circulate a clipboard around the classroom and hope for the best, and they never worked.

[Because of It, probably.]

Also, hey, guess what, we missed the goddamn fucking Death Star.

[atypically]

You just go online and share it on Facebook and shit. It's super easy.

Death Star?

[ Sorry, Richie, he's never seen any Star Wars movies. ]

[measuringdicks]

What the fuck's a Facebook?

Like in Star Wars? How are you from the future and you don't know what a Death Star is, god, you fuckin' dweeb.

[atypically]

You don't have Facebook? Shit, when was Facebook invented...? Do you have the Internet at least?

Oh. Oh, I'm the dweeb? I don't know what a Death Star is because Star Wars is for nerds, man. I've never seen them. There's like a hundred of them, I couldn't catch up if I wanted to.