maskormenace

[Eddie paces as he talks. There's a cast on his arm with the word loser written in black, with a red V written over the s to spell lover.]

Hello? Can you hear me? We're all kidnapping victims here; you guys know that right?

This nanite stuff sucks. There are tiny germ sized robots crawling around inside us! Something's gotta be powering them. They could be hanging out in our stomachs eating our food. Or they could be eating us and making tiny little holes inside our bodies. They could all build up in one place and block off the blood flowing through our arteries and our veins. Or build up in our organs, our lungs and our brains! And, our bodies are mostly water. They could be rusting inside us.

[He stops pacing and starts scratching his face with his cast-free hand]

I think I'm allergic to them! Everything's itchy. I'm gonna break out into hives!

[He starts wheezing and rubs his chest.]

I could be allergic to the tattoo too. I'm just a kid. I shouldn't have one. I think it's starting to swell up. I could have an infection. Or a blood disease. I don't trust these government people to be clean.

[The wheezing continues and his voice becomes strained with each word. He takes his inhaler out of a fanny pack and uses it, only speaking again when he's breathing is back to normal.]

How are we supposed to deal with this shit?

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[...he has no idea how to convince this kid that he's not a hallucination. So he doesn't bother.]

Well, on the bright side, if it's alien drugs, then they'll just put you back when they finish whatever project they're working on and it'll be like it never happened.

[Sarcastically.]

Great. That's just so cool.

Look, relax. It's not that, I just don't know how to convince you that I'm not a hallucination.

[Eddie stares at him for a while, thinking.]

I guess my mind wouldn't have come up with all of this batshit stuff.

[If he was going to hallucinate an alien, it would be IT.]

You don't know any alien monster clowns, do you?

Um...no? That's not the kind of thing my species would disguise ourselves as. We tend to be more likely to try and pass ourselves of as CEOs or politicians. You know, rich people who get away with a lot of stuff other people don't. Not clowns.

So you're trying to trick adults and not kids? [That actually makes him a bit better in Eddie's mind.] Clowns get away with too much shit if they're monster clowns. 'Cause they fuck with people's heads.

Well...yeah? I mean, adults have the money and power. We might study and observe kids sometimes just to get a better idea of what a human childhood is like, but that's mostly just asking them questions so we can create a more realistic background when interacting with humans. They weren't the targets, so we'd just leave them where we found them.

Aliens are into Earth money and power? [Pennywise was never into anything like that. IT lived in a sewer and dilapidated house.] You didn't use kids' imaginations for...anything? [A pause.] Do you eat people?

I can't speak for all aliens, but Reptilians generally tend to be. Whatever you want from Earth, it's generally easier to get it if you have money and power. There are a lot of Reptilians in governments around the world on my home universe's Earth.

[The other questions seem so...strange. What sort of aliens did this kid's home universe have?]

What would we use kid's imaginations for? And no...we don't eat people. Honestly, when we're on Earth we mostly eat the food humans make. It's some of the best food in the galaxy.

That's weird. You can make spaceships and shit to get to Earth, what do you want from Earth have that's better than that? You know, if you're really not eating people. Or you could sell the instructions on how to make spaceships to like NASA or something and just get rich without doing a lot of work.

[He looks at him suspiciously for a moment, wondering if he's genuinely asking or if it's a trick.]

'Cause kids have better imaginations than adults, so they can get scared easily. Pennywise said fear was tasty.

[Another pause.]

You really eat the same stuff we do?

Fear isn't really...a thing we can taste? I don't think? Whatever Pennywise is, I think he's got to be a different species than us.

And yeah, we're omnivores, so we eat the same stuff pretty much. I mean, we're more likely to want to eat insects, but overall whatever a human can eat, we can eat, too. But there's a lot of reasons to come to Earth. I don't know why the Reptilian government is interested in it, but they are. And then not even counting that, it doesn't do any good to have ships that go through space if you don't visit the planets you end up at, you know? And Earth is pretty neat, and has a lot of novel foods you can't get anywhere else, like coffee and chocolate.

Good. Pennywise is the worst monster. The worst alien too. [Not that he met any other aliens on his world.]

Gross. Insects can carry all kinds of diseases. Do you at least cook'em to get rid of the germs? Wait, what? You're like space tourists? So does that mean you only go to cool places? That explains all the weird stuff my mom told me about people in big cities. They're aliens. No one would visit Derry for fun. Maybe that's why we only got Pennywise. He had a really fucked up idea of fun. Coffee's bad for you. It makes you all nervous and keeps you from sleeping. My mom says chocolate is bad too. Cause of the sugar and calories and shit. But, uh, I like chocolate.

Well, on Earth I'm mostly eating those novelty crickets in suckers. I assume they're cooked? And when my boyfriend cooks with cricket flour, that's definitely cooked. And we're...not always exactly space tourists? I know there are definitely worse reasons some aliens are coming to Earth, but I'm not a part of that and I don't actually know what their long term plan is. But yeah, most aliens spend their time in big cities, so that might be why people are so weird there. And yeah, I know they're bad for you. So is fast food, but it's all so good!

Yeah, I'm sure the candy companies are real concerned about your health. You'e gonna get bug diseases and diabetes if you a lot of them.

[And Eddie stops for a moment, he's said something that's actually taken Eddie's attention away from aliens. He drops his voice down to a whisper.]

You have a boyfriend? Like not just a boy that's your friend?

[The kid is...probably right about that, honestly, but it's the second part of his response that gets his attention. It's not the question so much, but the way he asks it, like it's somehow shocking.]

Yeah, I have a boyfriend that's a romantic partner boyfriend. Why?

There were a lot of dumb people back home. Real assholes. They'd say mean stuff about anyone, especially boys who dated boys.

[He specifically means his mom but can't admit to how messed up she was.]

Guys can like guys here and not have to worry about the bullies?

Well, you don't have anything to worry about here. People here don't care about that kind of thing, and if anyone does give you trouble, let me know and I'll set them straight.

[Not that he thinks anyone will, but he wants this kid to know there's someone he can go to if someone does.]

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