♪ video;

[borntobebard]

[ Having gained some confidence with this fancy tech over the week, Jaskier’s content enough to finally present his baby face to his adoring public, casual in his old school medieval shirt, unlaced to show part of his chest like the total hunk he believes himself to be. He begins with a soft throat clear, his voice carrying like a theatre performer, each word animated. ]

Greetings citizens of Maurtia Falls and beyond! It is I, Jaskier, your beloved bard, here to fill your undoubtedly mundane and murky lives with my brilliant light!

[ A perfect way to introduce himself is to neg everyone listening, right? ]

I seek heroes!

Yes, yes, each and every one of us has been granted such a title, but I require only the best, only the truly worthy among you to share my blessed company. In return, I promise authentic retellings of your adventures to all those that would listen. Stories to make a man weep, songs to get the crowds rejoicing, and poems so passionate that maidens will be lifting their petticoats at the mere mention of your name.

I will consider each applicant in a timely and fair manner, although a drink and some coin as cajolery wouldn’t go amiss.

[ A pause before he quickly admits: ] Bribes. I take bribes.

Thank you, and good day!

Comments

[killtime]

You're going to follow someone around. And sing.

That sounds like fucking torture.

[borntobebard]

How exactly is that torture? Most could only dream of having a bard of my talents composing songs of their deeds.

[killtime]

[ Flatly: ]

Can we bribe you to be quiet?

[borntobebard]

You'd pay me not to sing?

[killtime]

Peace and quiet is a valuable commodity around here.

[borntobebard]

You sound like a friend of mine. [ Who callously insulted him all the time. :( ]

Unfortunately, paying me to be quiet sort of goes against my entire pursuit.

[killtime]

So, you won't stop — for friendship or money.

Anyone try threats of violence yet?

[borntobebard]

Oh, all the time! [ Perfectly cheerful about it. ]

Receptions for bards such as myself aren't always friendly, but sometimes one must take a few hits for the sake of his art.

So! [ Clapping his hands together. ] When should we start? We could meet up tomorrow, perhaps.

[killtime]

[ She almost misses what he said. ]

...Did you just ask me when we should start?

[borntobebard]

Yes! I think I could really help this image you're showing me. Very Lioness of Cintra vibes, I get it.

[killtime]

What vibes?

[ PLS... PLS SLOW DOWN SHE IS AN OLD WOMAN JASKIER ]

[borntobebard]

Lioness of Cintra? [ Oh right, no one knows personal homeworld references, Jask. ]

A very powerful and quite frankly austere woman. Would just as swiftly kick your arse as slap it. You see, there's nothing that needs changing about it, you keep doing that, seems to work wonders for you, but we just have to ensure everyone else favours it as much as they should. They need to appreciate your deeds rather than your... [ A vague hand gesture towards the camera, at her.]

[killtime]

[ Her bad attitude? Her strong resting bitch face? ]

...I'm keenly averse to being liked.

[borntobebard]

I had noticed.

[ Like. It's really obvious, Andy. ]

That's sort of my point. But we don't need you to be liked, just respected. Appreciated! My music can do that, and also make money at the same time. Did you know people in this world pay actual money to listen to a recording of a voice in their own homes? It's brilliant.

[killtime]

They don't have recordings where you come from? And I thought I was fucking old school.

[borntobebard]

Just travelling troubadours, troupes, criers and the like. News and songs spread by word of mouth, or occasionally via written text for those that were literate. Hearing one's own voice back was something I imagine could only be achieved with magic, but then again, there's not much that can't be achieved by magic, one way or the other.

You're from a different time too?

[killtime]

[ She doesn't answer immediately. Mostly because Andy is a cagey bitch, and even if nothing matters here, old habits die hard.

Finally: ]

Yes and no. I'm old enough to remember troubadours — let's just leave it at that. [ She makes a bit of a face then. ] Magic. You're from one of those universes.

[borntobebard]

Oh, "old enough". So older than you look, I assume? Are you perhaps an elf? A sorceress? Both have the ability to be exceptionally long living.

[killtime]

Plain old fucking human. And therefore probably not the most thrilling subject matter for epic songs.

[borntobebard]

On the contrary, with age undoubtedly comes plenty of grand tales of adventure. You must tell me some! Perhaps over a barrel or two of wine.

[killtime]

A barrel of wine?

You show me a scrawny twink like you can drink a barrel of wine, and I'll tell you whatever the hell you want.

[borntobebard]

Gladly.

[ Even if he falls unconscious after the tenth glass, he'll have had a good time while drinking it. ]

Your place or mine? Although I'm not quite certain where one goes about getting an entire barrel of wine around here...

[killtime]

Yeah?

[ She might sound mildly impressed. He's ballsy or stupid. Both, maybe? ]

Your place. If you get in over your head and throw up on the fucking carpet, my husband will make my ass sleep on the couch.

[borntobebard]

[ Definitely both. Stupidity and over confidence go hand in hand for Jaskier, it's amazing he's still alive, honestly. ]

Perfect, I'll provide the ambience, you bring the wine.

[killtime]

[ Welp. Guess they're doing this. Honestly? Andy's made worse choices in her life. ]

Ambience. Sure. Whatever. I'll be there. [ Dryly: ] Let's see you put your liver where your mouth is.