♪ video;

[borntobebard]

[ Having gained some confidence with this fancy tech over the week, Jaskier’s content enough to finally present his baby face to his adoring public, casual in his old school medieval shirt, unlaced to show part of his chest like the total hunk he believes himself to be. He begins with a soft throat clear, his voice carrying like a theatre performer, each word animated. ]

Greetings citizens of Maurtia Falls and beyond! It is I, Jaskier, your beloved bard, here to fill your undoubtedly mundane and murky lives with my brilliant light!

[ A perfect way to introduce himself is to neg everyone listening, right? ]

I seek heroes!

Yes, yes, each and every one of us has been granted such a title, but I require only the best, only the truly worthy among you to share my blessed company. In return, I promise authentic retellings of your adventures to all those that would listen. Stories to make a man weep, songs to get the crowds rejoicing, and poems so passionate that maidens will be lifting their petticoats at the mere mention of your name.

I will consider each applicant in a timely and fair manner, although a drink and some coin as cajolery wouldn’t go amiss.

[ A pause before he quickly admits: ] Bribes. I take bribes.

Thank you, and good day!

Comments

audio

[burnishingmad]

[Oh this sounds stupid. Great.]

What about songs sung about other people?

video

[borntobebard]

[ He's not sure how to switch to audio just yet, so you're stuck with him in video forever. Too bad. ]

What about them? I can sing a great many songs.

text; un: Julian Delphiki | Bean

[justlittle]

You want to be somebody's hype man.

video; because how does technology

[borntobebard]

[ A small, confused squint at the screen. ]

Probably, yes? If "hype man" shares similarities to a barker. Wh-what is "hype man", exactly?

Video;

[codeoracle]

Bard class, huh? So...what'd you roll on your stats?

[A troll.]

[borntobebard]

I'm sorry, what? My stats?

[ Why is literally everything so confusing? ]

Video

[mysterioisthetruth]

Yes, yes, yes! You're hired!

We're starting pre-production this month and next month rehearsals!

[borntobebard]

Hired? Foooor what, exactly?

Video |

[privatepurchases]

[pause.

Gabriel is petting his jackalope on the screen and he raises an eyebrow.]

...What?

You...want to write music about people and make them lift their skirts.

[borntobebard]

Nononono! I write music about people so others will lift their skirts.

[ Duh! ]

[killtime]

You're going to follow someone around. And sing.

That sounds like fucking torture.

[borntobebard]

How exactly is that torture? Most could only dream of having a bard of my talents composing songs of their deeds.

audio

[roughworkdone]

Has anyone put out a hit on you yet?

[borntobebard]

[ He actually knows what "a hit" refers to thanks to his mob tours job! Hooray! He's learning modern slang! Except wait a second... ]

Nnnno? What do you mean "yet"?!

Video

[constantdick]

Woah there sunshine, you'd best tone down that brilliant light a bit. Don't want to blind everyone with your magnificence, do yeh?

[Oh look who can talk again, aren't you happy?]

[borntobebard]

[ No, he's not! Except actually he still has some lingering smugness so he kind of is happy. ]

I've learned of sunglasses recently, perhaps everyone in my presence will just be required to wear them in future.

[a_gaggle_of_ghosties]

Oh, good, you've already met Beck. You two idiots should be perfect for one another.

[He doesn't know what a bard is, but it sounds annoying and like some obnoxious way to sneak around prohibitions against torture.]

[borntobebard]

I was told there weren't other bards in this world.

[choosetruth]

Oh, good, just what I need. Maidens lifting petticoats.

[Georgia's face, hidden as it is behind dark sunglasses, is always hard to read. It's difficult to tell if she's joking or not. Or even knows what a joke is.]

Why do I get the feeling you're not averse to exaggeration in your so-called authentic retellings?

[borntobebard]

Exaggeration? No no, not at all. Perhaps a slight bending of the facts, but these retellings are still entirely genuine.

[ Maybe he's joking too, or maybe he just doesn't see the total irony in his words. ]

video;

[heliophilic]

[Oh boy this is a live one.]

I'll give you $20 to write a dirty song about me and my boyfriend.

$50 if it makes us laugh.

[borntobebard]

Hm, fifty for a song and a hundred if it makes you laugh.

[ He's still getting to grips with the actual value of this currency, but he knows to never accept a first offer. ]

[kid_flash_found]

Not all of us would accept the title of hero, even if the people would attempt to hang it upon us.

[ Here, have a teenaged boy who can't help but grin with amusement at the whole situation. ]

However, I do have this friend, who once wore the title of "Hero of Hawaii" and saved many worlds with his actions. I could hardly think of a better honor.

[borntobebard]

"Hero of Hawaii", that does have a certain ring to it. Is your friend in the world too?

video

[tricksterofasgard]

[ Well, at least this is something new? More or less. Maybe he's just related to Quentin... ]

It's vaguely disappointing that you failed to sing this.

[borntobebard]

[ He grins lightly at the suggestion. ]

I had considered it, but I thought it might distract. Do you suggest a display of my talents would be better suited as an advertisement? I hadn't really taken into consideration that the good folk of this world won't be so familiar with the renowned Jaskier and his divine talents.

Audio

[sidearmed]

So. Is this ... bard promotion what you want to do? Or something that just happened?

[ is it on purpose is what he means. ]

permavideo on his end

[borntobebard]

I've been a bard for a great many years, nearing a decade, if not past it, and a talented literary master before that. It was but one beautiful woman, my muse, that first led me down the path toward music and poetry.

video

[leatherboots]

Why limit yourself to songs about heroes? It's the villains who always have the best tunes, I say.

[borntobebard]

[ Brightly! Talk of villains sure isn't going to sour his theatrics. ]

A fine point, good sir! Although I would imagine one man's hero is another man's villain. More so a matter of perspective than any real exclusion of one or the other.