♪ video;

[borntobebard]

[ Having gained some confidence with this fancy tech over the week, Jaskier’s content enough to finally present his baby face to his adoring public, casual in his old school medieval shirt, unlaced to show part of his chest like the total hunk he believes himself to be. He begins with a soft throat clear, his voice carrying like a theatre performer, each word animated. ]

Greetings citizens of Maurtia Falls and beyond! It is I, Jaskier, your beloved bard, here to fill your undoubtedly mundane and murky lives with my brilliant light!

[ A perfect way to introduce himself is to neg everyone listening, right? ]

I seek heroes!

Yes, yes, each and every one of us has been granted such a title, but I require only the best, only the truly worthy among you to share my blessed company. In return, I promise authentic retellings of your adventures to all those that would listen. Stories to make a man weep, songs to get the crowds rejoicing, and poems so passionate that maidens will be lifting their petticoats at the mere mention of your name.

I will consider each applicant in a timely and fair manner, although a drink and some coin as cajolery wouldn’t go amiss.

[ A pause before he quickly admits: ] Bribes. I take bribes.

Thank you, and good day!

Comments

Pfft. XD Love it.

[mysterioisthetruth]

Ohhh... So now you can make a song on the spot.

An insulting one that doesn't even make any sense.

Since when does a knight have an throne?

;)

[borntobebard]

I-it's a metaphor! A signifier of power, whether or not it's rightly earned. Melitele's tits, do I really have to explain that?

[mysterioisthetruth]

No. But it's a lousy song. Just because you had to make it rhyme.

By the way - you're fired.

[borntobebard]

Oh, come on! It was brilliant for what it was! Just think what I could produce if I actually gave a shit.

[mysterioisthetruth]

But you clearly don't. So now you're just wasting my time.

[borntobebard]

But I could. For money.

[mysterioisthetruth]

Didn't I already offer you that? I'm sure I did.

[borntobebard]

And I never declined it. I simply asked for some vague direction on what the song's contents needed to be. You're a director! Direct me, my good sir!

[mysterioisthetruth]

Pretty sure I told you that too.

But here - picture this.

Myself, in flight. In full costume - armour, cape, all lit up! Fighting some demonic-looking villain with big horns. Green lasers zapping. Green smoke everywhere - coiling around the villain, obscuring his sight. The crowd looking up in awe. I, the great hero Mysterio, again fire my lasers. They streak across the sky, taking down the villainous villain, who shatters into a shower of green sparks!

The crowd cheers! I descend to shake their hands and sign autographs.

The.

End.

[borntobebard]

So a horny villain and streaking in the sky. Right, let me just...

[ The lute is placed aside as he instead reaches for a notepad and pen to start jotting down notes. ]

[mysterioisthetruth]

[He frowns.]

Look, I don't need another Loki turning this into some non-family friendly fanfiction with me hooking up with Iron Man.

You're twisting my words already.

[borntobebard]

[ Jaskier can't help a soft chuckle. ]

Relax, merely a bit of banter. I understand the beats you're trying to take with this.

Oh, except "lasers". I have no idea what they are. Arrows of some kind? A spell?

[mysterioisthetruth]

They're like... powerful beams of light. An energy beam that can destroy... well, anything.

I suppose it may look like a spell.

[borntobebard]

Oh, like a green toting mage, then?

[mysterioisthetruth]

You could say that.

Although it is more of a scientific process than magic.

[borntobebard]

Mages are quite adept at science in my world too. Potions and gadgets and illusions.