♪ video;

[borntobebard]

[ Having gained some confidence with this fancy tech over the week, Jaskier’s content enough to finally present his baby face to his adoring public, casual in his old school medieval shirt, unlaced to show part of his chest like the total hunk he believes himself to be. He begins with a soft throat clear, his voice carrying like a theatre performer, each word animated. ]

Greetings citizens of Maurtia Falls and beyond! It is I, Jaskier, your beloved bard, here to fill your undoubtedly mundane and murky lives with my brilliant light!

[ A perfect way to introduce himself is to neg everyone listening, right? ]

I seek heroes!

Yes, yes, each and every one of us has been granted such a title, but I require only the best, only the truly worthy among you to share my blessed company. In return, I promise authentic retellings of your adventures to all those that would listen. Stories to make a man weep, songs to get the crowds rejoicing, and poems so passionate that maidens will be lifting their petticoats at the mere mention of your name.

I will consider each applicant in a timely and fair manner, although a drink and some coin as cajolery wouldn’t go amiss.

[ A pause before he quickly admits: ] Bribes. I take bribes.

Thank you, and good day!

Comments

[borntobebard]

It sounds like, to me, you need to do it yourself. Your amazing heroics don't extent to script writing, I take it?

[mysterioisthetruth]

I have enough on my plate. I'm the star. I'm directing, producing, doing all the effects and supervising everything else. I need somebody who can give me a great story and script to match the expectations of my adoring public.

[borntobebard]

Is that not something you should have completed before the other parts came into action? Call me old fashioned, but in my time one would write a play before putting it onto a stage.

[mysterioisthetruth]

This idea originated more as a short performance. On my own I could have improvised on the spot but it's developed further than that and a compelling script could boost the perception of the entire act.

I can still do this without a script. I only need an outline. This was more of a bonus feature.

[borntobebard]

Ah! An improvisation performance, a brave approach. I admit to a bit of ad-libbing here and there myself, but these days actual improvisation tends to be rare, especially with my songs. Backed myself into a few too many holes there with risqué lyrics. Best not to always say the first thing that comes to mind when creating music about people, it can so quickly go awry.

[mysterioisthetruth]

Personally I prefer to plan the details in advance. Get everything perfectly right. But a great performer has to be able to think and adapt on the spot.

Still, I would like to have a script for this.

And a proper promoter.

Would you reconsider taking the job?

[borntobebard]

Timing is too much of an issue. I simply couldn't manage it without devoting my full attention to such a task. I really must focus on my own career, especially so early on.

But, I suppose I could manage a small amount of aid. Perhaps a glance over a finalised script or a single song as extra promotion.

[mysterioisthetruth]

You were seeking heroes. I am a hero.

You can write one song and I'll pay you for the rights.

[borntobebard]

And what is this song to be about? Your unwavering heroics, I imagine?

[mysterioisthetruth]

Of course!

Why are you making this difficult?

[borntobebard]

I'm not making it difficult! I'm simply trying to decipher what it is I'm meant to be writing about. It can be exceedingly difficult to create a story when the only direction is "make me the hero", but... you're lucky I'm so talented. I can make something out of nothing.

[mysterioisthetruth]

Okay, now you're just being insulting.

I already am the hero. And you're sounding like a lesser Loki. I don't even know if you're qualified to write for such a grand epic.

[borntobebard]

And I don't even know if you're qualified to be considered a hero.

I can assure you, in my own world, I made men and women very famous with my music. Songs that spoke of their daring feats and altruistic acts, that reached the masses far and wide. It's thanks to my work that people know of the valiant acts of the Lioness of Cintra, the courageous Queen that would give her life to help her subjects. O-or that villages across the continent know of the selfless Witcher, Geralt of Rivia, who risks his life daily to rid the world of ghoulish monsters!

[mysterioisthetruth]

And my world knows my name and what a great hero I am. I made myself famous with my skills.

[And fake heroics.]

So, you know what? Forget it. If I have to, I'll do everything by myself.

[borntobebard]

[ At that, Jaskier can't help but scoop up the lute by his feet, clear his throat, and strum out a improvised little tune. ]

He'll go it alone,
This Mysterious knight,
Sat high on his throne,
But not all that bright.

Pfft. XD Love it.

[mysterioisthetruth]

Ohhh... So now you can make a song on the spot.

An insulting one that doesn't even make any sense.

Since when does a knight have an throne?

;)

[borntobebard]

I-it's a metaphor! A signifier of power, whether or not it's rightly earned. Melitele's tits, do I really have to explain that?

[mysterioisthetruth]

No. But it's a lousy song. Just because you had to make it rhyme.

By the way - you're fired.

[borntobebard]

Oh, come on! It was brilliant for what it was! Just think what I could produce if I actually gave a shit.

[mysterioisthetruth]

But you clearly don't. So now you're just wasting my time.

[borntobebard]

But I could. For money.

[mysterioisthetruth]

Didn't I already offer you that? I'm sure I did.

[borntobebard]

And I never declined it. I simply asked for some vague direction on what the song's contents needed to be. You're a director! Direct me, my good sir!

[mysterioisthetruth]

Pretty sure I told you that too.

But here - picture this.

Myself, in flight. In full costume - armour, cape, all lit up! Fighting some demonic-looking villain with big horns. Green lasers zapping. Green smoke everywhere - coiling around the villain, obscuring his sight. The crowd looking up in awe. I, the great hero Mysterio, again fire my lasers. They streak across the sky, taking down the villainous villain, who shatters into a shower of green sparks!

The crowd cheers! I descend to shake their hands and sign autographs.

The.

End.

[borntobebard]

So a horny villain and streaking in the sky. Right, let me just...

[ The lute is placed aside as he instead reaches for a notepad and pen to start jotting down notes. ]