maskormenace | ♪ video;

[ Having gained some confidence with this fancy tech over the week, Jaskier’s content enough to finally present his baby face to his adoring public, casual in his old school medieval shirt, unlaced to show part of his chest like the total hunk he believes himself to be. He begins with a soft throat clear, his voice carrying like a theatre performer, each word animated. ]

Greetings citizens of Maurtia Falls and beyond! It is I, Jaskier, your beloved bard, here to fill your undoubtedly mundane and murky lives with my brilliant light!

[ A perfect way to introduce himself is to neg everyone listening, right? ]

I seek heroes!

Yes, yes, each and every one of us has been granted such a title, but I require only the best, only the truly worthy among you to share my blessed company. In return, I promise authentic retellings of your adventures to all those that would listen. Stories to make a man weep, songs to get the crowds rejoicing, and poems so passionate that maidens will be lifting their petticoats at the mere mention of your name.

I will consider each applicant in a timely and fair manner, although a drink and some coin as cajolery wouldn’t go amiss.

[ A pause before he quickly admits: ] Bribes. I take bribes.

Thank you, and good day!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Brightly! Talk of villains sure isn't going to sour his theatrics. ]

A fine point, good sir! Although I would imagine one man's hero is another man's villain. More so a matter of perspective than any real exclusion of one or the other.

I suppose that's true enough. But don't you find that after so many songs about dashing heroes they all become rather... [ He trails off with a grimace, before concluding: ] - soul-crushingly tedious?

Depends on the hero. My heroic muse in my own world had the rather charming moniker of the "Butcher of Blaviken." Not the title given to your standard knight in shining armour.

[ Which is to say, yes, your typical dashing heroes are boring as fuck, Jaskier agrees well enough. ]

Why? Do you have any suggestions?

Butcher of Blaviken?

[ Hentzau regards the video feed with an expression of interest. ]

Why, what did he do? Stick his sword in a pig?

[ That may or may not be a euphemism. ]

[ Heh, stick a pig, heh. He grins at the suggestion but the hand wave is dismissive. ]

Ooh, he doesn't like to talk about it, doesn't like to talk about much of anything really, but... [ And he leans in closer to the camera for dramatic effect, like this is information to be kept only between the two of them. ]

Rumour is he cleaved through an entire market town with his sword. Savage really. I thought he'd benefit from a little public promotion after that little performance.

God, really? [ Hentzau arches his eyebrows in surprise. ] Well, we've all had bad days, haven't we...

Exactly. And hushed speculation soon twists and distorts into unrecognisable tales. You fuck one Lord's wife and suddenly they're saying you buggered an entire village. I-it's why I write of such tales, you see, to ensure one can at least shape the direction of those wild rumours.

Buggering an entire village? [ Oh, Hentzau laughs at that. ] That would be far more worthy of a song. And I'm sure there are plenty of people who would pay good coin to hear it. You could make a fortune, you know.

Yes, well... [ Ahem. ] I don't oft write about my solo adventures. I find a plucky hero, or a romantic interest, o-or a truly grand epic to be better material! My intent is to perhaps compile all my journal scribblings and poems into a life story one day, maybe then would be the time to include village wide buggery. Or the lack there of. I'm a man of many talents, but ploughing an entire village in a single night is not one of them.

Pity.

[ HENTZAU can you try and NOT be horny for once in your lIFE ]

Here - [ He taps off screen, then sends over an audio link ] - I rather like this one. A rather good villain song, that one.

Oh! Er... [ Give him a second here, just gonna be an old man as he tries to remember how the fuck to work these comms. He's learning! Slowly...

Soon enough he gets there, listening with a concentrated furrow of his brow to the first minute or so of the song. Frank is yet another of the thousands of artists he excitedly needs to add to his list of "shit I need to listen to". ]

Sounds quite a lot like the mobsters I speak of in my other line of work! Tour guide for Mob Tours, you see, because apparently that's a thing that people pay money for. Maurtia Falls once had it's very own Zack the Strife.

Oh! Now that's a rather interesting job, isn't it? [ Not as good as Hentzau's, but still. ] I don't suppose they let you sing about them, do they? Rather ruins the image.

[ Now there's an idea. ]

I hadn't really tried, but this Frankie fellow seems to get away with it. Who wouldn't want their very own personal ballad?

Someone with no sense of fun. You'll find no shortage of spoilsports in this world, sadly.

Yes, I'd sort of already caught onto that considering the majority of replies threatening me bodily harm. But what of yourself? You seem to have a good sense for it.

I have excellent taste and a good nose for fun, it's true, [ Hentzau replies with a wickedly confident grin. ] Why, would you write a song about me? I'll warn you now, you'll find no heroic tales here.

[ Jaskier tries his utmost to match that confident grin with his own. ]

I have no need for real heroics in my ballads, those can be written in as an afterthought. All I need is a tale to tell and a muse of some allure.

Well, luckily for you, I am equal parts allure and interesting tales. [ And modesty. ] In fact I think this entire world will provide you with more than enough to keep you singing until you're hoarse.

[ The fuck is modesty? Sounds lame. ]

Oh! All sounds rather marvellous. It's really just a pity I don't have a guide or an experienced hand to show me around.

[ What a shame. :( ]

[ WELL WELL WELL ]

If it's a guide you seek then I happen to have two very experienced hands, you know.

Two? Even better! Would you perhaps do me the honour of using those very experienced hands to show me a truly wonderful time?

[ Somebody needs to come and collect this man jfc ]

I'd be delighted to be of service! Where would you like to start?

[ :D? ]

Well, I'm residing in Maurtia Falls for the moment. That seems as good a place as any to start, does it not?

Oh, the naughty Porter city. How exciting. I'll be there shortly, then.

It does seem rather roguish! I quite like it. [ Mischief and mayhem, some of his favourite things. ]

House number one! I'll be waiting for you.

♪ video;

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