♪ video;

[borntobebard]

[ Having gained some confidence with this fancy tech over the week, Jaskier’s content enough to finally present his baby face to his adoring public, casual in his old school medieval shirt, unlaced to show part of his chest like the total hunk he believes himself to be. He begins with a soft throat clear, his voice carrying like a theatre performer, each word animated. ]

Greetings citizens of Maurtia Falls and beyond! It is I, Jaskier, your beloved bard, here to fill your undoubtedly mundane and murky lives with my brilliant light!

[ A perfect way to introduce himself is to neg everyone listening, right? ]

I seek heroes!

Yes, yes, each and every one of us has been granted such a title, but I require only the best, only the truly worthy among you to share my blessed company. In return, I promise authentic retellings of your adventures to all those that would listen. Stories to make a man weep, songs to get the crowds rejoicing, and poems so passionate that maidens will be lifting their petticoats at the mere mention of your name.

I will consider each applicant in a timely and fair manner, although a drink and some coin as cajolery wouldn’t go amiss.

[ A pause before he quickly admits: ] Bribes. I take bribes.

Thank you, and good day!

Comments

[borntobebard]

See, that sounds wonderful! Although if you're just trying to get me to rhyme things with orange, it's not going to work.

[justlittle]

You could use artistic license and say they were tangerines?

[borntobebard]

Much more manageable. Although I'm also not sure what sorvete is. Or Araraquara. Or Brazil.

[justlittle]

[ Bean sends a Yahoogle Maps link to Araraquara, Brazil. And then another Quickipedia link to boot. ]

[borntobebard]

Oh, bloody hell!

[ Now he's got to work out the links thing again. ]

Locations, then. Very different from my own world. [ Which doesn't even have a Brazil. ]

So, hold on, you can just put anything into this thing and it'll provide information?

>> video;

[justlittle]

[ Oh, for fuck's sake. Bean is getting a little tired of texting needlessly to someone who is probably illiterate or something.

He switches to video, revealing that GASP! he's been a ten year old kid this whole time. ]

That is the general idea of the internet, yes.

[borntobebard]

[ Finally. Ten year old or not, Jaskier is so much more comfortable seeing a face on this fancy little screen than he is having to squint at the too-bright text written in font his mind isn't used to processing. ]

... The internet. A-And that's the thing that appears to consume and envelop just about everything being used here?

[justlittle]

It's a system of tubes that transmits information across the globe instantly.

[ What? Just because he's from 200 years in the future, doesn't mean he doesn't know the outdated internet memes. ]

[borntobebard]

Ah, of course. A system of tubes.

[ Nope, still doesn't get it. Or the outdated memes. ]

And it's not done via magic?

[justlittle]

No. Technology. But any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

[ Look at that, he can do old memes AND Arthur C Clarke quotes. ]

[borntobebard]

[ If only Jask had any idea who the fuck Arthur C Clarke was. Bean just gets all the credit for such wise words. ]

Too true, at times it's difficult to distinguish magic from medical advancements as well. Science and magic oft times go hand in hand, what with the power of chaos and alchemy.

[justlittle]

...Alchemy.

[ You have got to be kidding. ]

[borntobebard]

Yes, alchemy. Is that a look of wonder or disgust on your young features? I'm finding it hard to tell.

[justlittle]

Alchemy isn't real science. It's for crackpots who think they can turn lead into gold.

[borntobebard]

Well, there are mages apparently capable of doing so. They're certainly capable of a great many things.

[justlittle]

There may be mages on your world. But the only people on this Earth capable of doing anything out of the ordinary are us imPorts.

[borntobebard]

Ah, yes, well I imagine alchemy is rather different here without the existence of actual magic and creatures such as necrophages and relicts. Not all together possible unless one were to have alchemical powers.

[justlittle]

Exactly. So Alchemy is out the window, unless an imPort shows up with the ability to turn one emossin metal into another.