003; video

[doneproperly]

Good afternoon, fellow imPorts. It is with considerable regret that I must inform you today that Miles Edgeworth, caretaker of the fund for Unsettled imPorts, has returned home recently. I have been holding off on making this announcement for as long as possible in the hopes that it would not be necessary, however it seems as if this is truly the case.

I am sure that those who were close to Mr. Edgeworth were already aware, however given his business, this is a matter that concerns more than just his close personal relations.

For those of you who are unaware, part of Mr. Edgeworth's business was managing a non-profit fund for Unsettled imPorts so that those who were wary of registering-- particularly children and teenagers with little other means of supporting themselves-- might have some security, as well as helping to find jobs for such imPorts.

Mr. Edgeworth left very clear instructions that his business was to be transferred to a Mr. Phoenix Wright in the event of his departure; however, it seems that he too has either gone missing or returned home. In any case, I have not been able to locate him.

The initiative, however, was sound. I would like to reassure both those who donated to the fund and those Unsettled imPorts who were depending upon it that the initiative will continue, in keeping with the spirit of Mr. Edgeworth's hard work. However, I cannot manage it entirely on my own. Being seventeen and only a first year law student, I am neither considered a legal adult in this world nor familiar enough with the nitty gritty legal details that must be taken care of in the day-to-day. I therefore humbly request the help of any like-minded individual who would be willing to assist. The groundwork has all been done by Mr. Edgeworth, it should not be too difficult a task. My name is John Mandrake, and you can reach me at this communicator ID at any time.

I've cleared my schedule, so I'll be around for some time today if anyone wishes to ask any questions.

Comments

[aggressiveapathy]

Nah. If we can make them do something they didn't want to to start with, it's so clear we're scarier than them.

[ Though, to be fair, the entire reason the Import 'will' fund had been formed was because April wanted to steal people's belongings and Miles had a different idea. ]

[doneproperly]

I should hope we will not have to resort to such base methods of motivation. Fear is a terrible motivator, prone to betrayal the very moment you turn your back.

[aggressiveapathy]

Aren't you, like, twelve? How much humanity have you gone swimming in?

[doneproperly]

Seventeen, thank you. And more than you would think. ... Back home, I was a politician. I did not rise to that position because I do not understand human nature.

[Except he doesn't; not really. Mandrake only understands one side of human nature-- the mean side. He doesn't understand nice people, not truly. He thinks them weak and easily manipulated; how little he truly knows.]

[aggressiveapathy]

A seventeen year old one. Unless people only lived until, like, eighteen, we've got room to grow.

[doneproperly]

Do not discount me just on account of my age.

[aggressiveapathy]

Not discounting. Just...pointing out shortcuts.

[doneproperly]

Thank you, Ms. Ludgate. You are helpful as always.

[aggressiveapathy]

We also need better interns. I currently have only imaginary ones, and they suck at coffee.

[doneproperly]

We can have interns when we can afford to pay people. As it is, I currently don't even have the money to pay you.

[aggressiveapathy]

So fund raise. People love throwing money at sad things. We could have, like, pictures of new Imports trying to do their own laundry for the first time.

[doneproperly]

A fund raiser to raise money for... a fund raiser? Does that not seem somewhat redundant?

[aggressiveapathy]

If the fund has no money, the raising has failed.

[doneproperly]

[A sigh... no, that solution is too embarrassing.]

I have some money I could put towards the cause that Edgeworth left behind for me. In the meantime, I'll find a benefactor.

[aggressiveapathy]

Oh my god, no. Keep that. You earned it for not strangling him.

You never let anyone take that away from you. Except for things you want in exchange.

[doneproperly]

Why would I want to strangle him? He was one of the few truly intelligent people here. Albeit somewhat naive.

[aggressiveapathy]

He thought life was fair. Strangling is how that ends.

But you never put your own money in. Ever. There's a million rich natives we can work over first.

[doneproperly]

Yes. Hence the "naive" clause.

... I'll see what I can do.

[aggressiveapathy]

Cool. I'll do my thing until we have a new boss-guy, I guess.