maskormenace | [Video]

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Xue Yang. [He has nothing to hide; of course he is associated with the delinquent! This is totally normal. Nothing to worry about here. Please move on.] I wish to speak with you at your earliest opportunity.

[Then, in a softer tone, as Meng Yao moves to his art easel, lifting a brush gracefully.]

Zewu-Jun, Lady Yanli... May I offer my condolences? I have noticed...an absence. If I am mistaken, please correct me.

[Is he watching their house? Noooope. He would never.]

For everyone else, would you suggest purchasing a home in the city or outside of the city's limits?

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[ He knew, and he was able to forgive. He really must be like his mother. Because Jin Zixuan himself is struggling to think of a reason to forgive Jin Guangyao for everything he's heard. Maybe not even forgive him, but excuse him?

If it weren't for the fact that he does seem truly remorseful, this struggle would be a lot easier. He could cut the man from his life entirely, deny any and all relation to him. But... He does seem to want to repent for his actions, somewhat. ]

Do you regret what you have done? All the pain and death you have caused?

[He leaves justice in the hands of his victims. That is where it belongs. Meng Yao has been attending intense counseling sessions since his arrival; he is on medication too. Both have helped to calm him - to give him the proper perspective on what he has done. Repeating those actions nauseates him, frankly, and he has decided, if he goes down that road even a step, he will end his life.

Yes, he is remorseful. More and more every day as he learns the pain he has caused. Glancing up at his brother briefly, hesitantly, he nods.]

I do. I am not worthy of life, but I will not waste this chance.

[ If Zixuan knew about the therapy and medication-- not only that Jin Guangyao is using them, but what they are to begin with-- he would feel more at ease. But the remorse is a start. It will have to do for now. ]

Please know that if it comes down to our family ties versus the safety of lady Jiang, I will choose her over you every time.

[ Harsh words, and perhaps they don't help mend any bridges, but it's important to Zixuan that his half brother knows where he stands. ]

[He was in a poor state when he arrived, bleeding and broken. The hospital had organized counseling for him originally - mandatory for a time - and he has chosen to keep it going. There are names for his mental illnesses, but the important part is he is being treated and monitored closely.]

I would expect no less. I do not even expect you to choose me if she is not involved.

[He has built a life for himself and he hopes, with a new house, he will be able to continue it.]

I am ill, brother. But I will not oblige my illness again.

[ Someday, he will have to learn more about the treatments his brother is putting himself through. This new world has no shortage of things to learn, though, so it frankly isn't among Zixuan's highest priorities. As long as Yanli and himself are safe, that is what matters. ]

I am glad to hear you admit it. Perhaps now there can be some peace.

Edited (phone typo) 2020-06-01 02:22 (UTC)

[The dosage has been adjusted several times, but he is reaping the benefit of the new chemicals/concoctions. While he could trick the hospital staff and his counselor with ease, he has chosen not to and they have been made aware of his sharp mind.]

With me, perhaps. But this world is often chaotic.

Yes, [ he says distastefully. ] That much I have discovered for myself.

[ He turned into a bird, for goodness sakes. If that is not chaos, he does not know what is. ]

How long have you been present in this world, to have witnessed its chaotic nature?

[At least their paths hadn't crossed since Meng Yao was briefly a fox!]

It will be five months for me in two and a half weeks.

[ No, that would have made matters infinitely more complicated. ]

Five months...

[ It is still so strange to Zixuan that they were all pulled here from different times, at different times. ]

And when were you taken, from the perspective of our world? I am aware that I seem to come from an earlier point than most of us. [ Probably because he was already dead at all the later points. ]

How long has it been, for you, since my wedding to lady Jiang?

Mm. [He swallows a rush of nerves, his chest and his throat tight. Most nights he dreams of...then. And he would rather not.]

Almost fifteen years. [That is Jin Ling's age. He will be sixteen soon.] I was taken...moments after my death. I know it happened; I felt it.

[ So. In little over fifteen years, Jin Guangyao will die. Somewhere within that time frame, Zixuan himself will die, as will his father. How many more deaths will their world suffer in the years to come? ]

And my death? When will that come?

[ A part of him doesn't want to know. But he must face the knowledge, whether he wants it or not. ]

[This is not information he wants to give. His stomach twists itself into knots and he can feel his breath quicken.]

Not long...after the birth of your son.

[He sees the horrors of what he has done in a new light and he doesn't know what to do.]

The Lady Yanli fell soon after - in battle - attempting to save her brothers.

[ Oh. So he truly is living on borrowed time. Once he leaves this place, and returns to his life in their world... There is not much left for him.

He scowls, using anger to hide his pain and fear. ]

She should never have been put in a position to have to do that.

[ He says to the man who put her in such a position. ]

[No, she shouldn't have been in that position in a million years. But at that point he had been seeking to eliminate anyone problematic. Without her, he could reign freely in Jin Ling's life. It was a shame, at the time, that Jiang Cheng had not joined her.

Now he is sickened by his previous thought process; by his desperation.]

I know how to hurt others.

Edited 2020-06-07 11:33 (UTC)

[ Once the anger has started, it's hard to stop it. ]

Yes, I should say you're quite good at that. In fact, I could say you're better at that than you are at anything else!

[Flinching back, he fidgets with a towel to keep his hands busy.]

It won't matter what I say. But I am sorry, brother. I regret your death and hers.

Edited 2020-06-07 11:45 (UTC)

[ He could leave it at that. Swear off all contact with his half brother now and forever. That would be for the best, wouldn't it?

But... He can see that his words are not falling on deaf ears. It at least appears that Jin Guangyao is truly remorseful.

Perhaps it would be best if he maintained contact, if only to ensure he doesn't stray off the path of remorse. ]

Who are you accountable to, here? Who is overseeing your actions, keeping you from destroying more lives?

Lan Xichen. [He breathes the name immediately, his stance straightening and his hands stilling.] I am also seeing a counselor weekly and I am on medication.

[For a moment, he steps out of frame. Then he comes back with several bottles of pills.]

They are to keep me calm. I am more rational that way.

[ Good. Zewu-jun should be able to keep him in line.

Zixuan waits patiently for him to return to the video, and when he does, he squints over the small bottles in Jin Guangyao's hands. They're utterly foreign to him, as is so much in this world. ]

There is... medicine, for your madness?

...yes. For the causes of it, rather. [He sets the bottles down where Zixuan can easily see them.] Then the counseling gives me...exercises. When I am feeling like I did before, I make myself write down what it is I wish to do. Then I find a suitable distraction for the day and re-examine what I wrote later. When my mind is clear, I can see the faults.

[ He listens carefully, giving Jin Guangyao's statements the full weight they deserve. He may know next to nothing about this counseling and medication treatment regimen, but... It seems to be doing the trick. ]

And these exercises, they help to curb your dark desires? To convince you that these sorts of thoughts and actions are wrong?

If I fail to do them, my counselor will see that I am locked away from the public. [He has been reminded about that consistently. Fear of losing his freedom - who would come to release him? - helps keep him in check too.]

I told them everything and they said I likely had...Antisocial Personality Disorder. It can be caused by abuse during childhood.

[ To think, they even have a name for Jin Guangyao's... condition. This world was truly remarkable. ]

I hope that you're taking this seriously.

[ It's perhaps selfish of Jin Zixuan not to feel any sympathy towards his brother, after he just about admitted to having been abused during his childhood. But he thinks he can be forgiven, after all his brother has done-- or will do. ]

[Meng Yao doesn't expect forgiveness or kindness from a man he essentially murdered. But he does wish for something else.]

Brother, please spend time with Lady Yanli. She has been kind to me when most others wished for me to disappear. I know her feelings might change, but she is a good person.

[Then, he hesitates...] And if Jin Ling returns, you must get to know him too. He is...so like both of you.

[ Jin Zixuan nods, and he can't help the hint of a fond smile that crosses his face. ]

You don't have to tell me to do that. I already intend to.

[ Especially now that he knows their time left together is so limited.

Jin Ling, though... His heart breaks that he won't get to see his son grow into a man. ]

Will you tell me about him? About Jin Ling?

private video; he's a good baby

private video; cw: suicide mention

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