maskormenace | [Video]

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Xue Yang. [He has nothing to hide; of course he is associated with the delinquent! This is totally normal. Nothing to worry about here. Please move on.] I wish to speak with you at your earliest opportunity.

[Then, in a softer tone, as Meng Yao moves to his art easel, lifting a brush gracefully.]

Zewu-Jun, Lady Yanli... May I offer my condolences? I have noticed...an absence. If I am mistaken, please correct me.

[Is he watching their house? Noooope. He would never.]

For everyone else, would you suggest purchasing a home in the city or outside of the city's limits?

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For me? Why? [ ...insert elevator music, but hey if jiggy helped song lan, it scored points with xingchen.]

Thank you for being kind to Song daozhang.

I think you should ask him. [Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match~]

I respect both of you. I am sorry things went so poorly.

No, I have no desire to be near Xue Yang after what he did to Song daozhang.

[ he sounds more sad and resigned than anything else: ] Some things must be accepted. Some things cannot be taken back.

I thought you believed in justice? What if what he did to Song Daozhang was because of you? [Forgiveness is asking for too much, he understands, but people can live without it.]

Wouldn't it be nice to not worry about him committing any crimes?

Do you have to make everything more painful?

This was something I discussed with Xue Yang, Zewu-Jun. Xiao Xingchen is an excellent role model for him and -

[There is more to it than that. He looks torn and sad.

This is how men with long criminal records get love.]

Xiao Xingchen Daozhang took his life, his soul shattered beyond repair, because Xue Chengmei did what he did to Song Zichen Daozhang because of and through Xiao Xiengchen Daozhang.

Do you not realize you are reminding him of what he cannot forgive himself? Do you want him to try to kill himself again, Meng Yao?

Were you not in a similar position? Yet you have chosen life. You have chosen to guide me and listen to me.

That is what Xue Yang needs. [A beat and then he admits:] I believe he loves Xiao Xingchen.

I have not chosen life, Meng Yao. I have no choice of it here.

Do you not remember my answer when you asked me to die with you?

Have you - ? [Tried? Nothing else can drive the color from his face.]

It was wrong of me to ask.

I was told and witnessed enough to know it will make no difference.

But no, I have not chosen life. Most days, I do not want to. And Xiao Xingchen Daozhang was hurt even worse, and you slide a knife into that pain, calling him helping the person who destroyed him justice.

Do you have no mercy?

[Justice is a funny subject for him. He isn't sure he fully believes in it. He isn't sure he ever did, honestly. Revenge, sure. Anger, hatred, bitterness, of course. Love too, oddly. Love has always stood in opposition to all the rest and without his mask, how can anything good thrive?]

We need...homes. He and I. I know it would make a difference. It isn't fair to ask - we haven't earned it - but that doesn't mean we won't earn it.

I have seen his regret and I have felt my own. Xiao Xingchen believes in justice; I believe in using one power to hold another in check. It is Chengmei's duty to earn kindness; I only promised I would help acquire him a chance.

Preying on Xiao Xingchen Daozhang's grief and renewed loss will not earn anyone more chances. Preying on his guilt will do worse.

For some of us, the lives of others matter so much more than our own. When you press on the loss of those lives, or the hope of those lives - we are not like to become stronger.

Think well about the path you walk.

It is not a matter of earning ... homes. But whether there is enough left of those you are asking them for to provide them.

[ Xichen rubs his face, making an effort to calm down. ]

What Xue Chengmei did to Song Zichen Daozhang to get to Xiao Xingchen Daozhang. The part that Xiao Xingchen Daozhang knows, and what he doesn't.

Should you wish for anything good for Xue Chengmei, do not use those as leverage, ever. Song Zichen Daozhang is likely half of Xiao Xingchen Daozhang's soul. Already bleeding, and made so much worse, just so that Xiao Xingchen Daozhang can be played with.

Think of something else, and if your words caused hurt, then make amends.

Please.

[Empathy is a difficult subject for him to assess. He often doesn't feel it, but that too is part of his illness. So while Xichen speaks, he listens intently, trying to bridge the gap.]

What would make you stronger?

[If he is depleting Xichen instead of strengthening him, that must be rectified.]

I don't feel as others do. I need to be told when I have crossed certain...lines. Thank you for doing so, Zewu-Jun. I will apologize to Daozhang.

Edited 2020-06-09 14:05 (UTC)

I ...

If I find something that does, I will tell you.

I know that - that most people in your life have tried to bring you down. Humiliate or use or harm you. But there are a few who wouldn't - who wouldn't have chosen to. For those you know are so, try to - to consider what they would need, before you act on your goals. Even if how you feel is different, I ... suspect you can reason out needs. Try to consider what you would need, in their situation, perhaps?

Do you think that is something more specific that you can work towards? I will do my best, but for the situations where I am not present.

[He wants to tell Xichen what he means to him; how much he matters, but won't that just remind the poor man of what he had asked him in the temple? Dying had been so frightening and he had clung to one of the few - the only - he had ever loved. Will the day come when that love isn't a curse?]

I think Daozhang needs...support. And friendship. I know I could help him. I tried to do so with Song Zichen too.

[Meng Yao nods slowly.] Yes, I can. [Then he glances up hesitantly.] I want you to think about something too, Zewu-Jun. I have chosen life because of you. I don't really care if this place would bring me back. I am terribly stubborn, so I would just...try again. But I haven't. I think about you and I know I can't do anything for you dead.

Edited 2020-06-09 14:33 (UTC)

I do not wish you dead, and I am glad that you are not.

[ And he feels guilty about it, because so many are, by Meng Yao's actions. But it is truth or the same. ]

As to Xiao Xingchen Daozhang... I do not know with certainty what he needs. But gauging by what he tried to do - disappear from the attention and expectations of those who lauded him, and trying to quietly do good for people without attempting recognition, I would guess that he sorely lacks belief in his own goodness, or that what he does makes a difference.

It is not something that can be given, only earned. So long as nobody manipulates him into doing worse.