28. Kohlrabid Fandom (served with roasted kohlrabi)

[continuousgroaning]

[When the camera turns on, Tina's got it propped up to display various bits of merchandise on the kitchen table; she's currently squinting at a candle.]

Okay, I've seen some ridiculous pieces of merchandise in my time here, but I did a Bletsy dive since everyone seems to be paying extra close attention to us lately, and... how do people come up with this stuff?

[She pulls her phone closer; the candle is labeled "Smells Like Tina Spirit".]

Like this. It's a candle that's supposed to be scented like my favorite things- except how can you really encapsulate "boy smell"? And burger scent on top of that? And why would you want something that smells like butts? I like to look at them, but...

[She trails off, wrinkles her nose, then pokes at a pile of dice.]

And these dice are supposed to be Tina-themed, but they have little clay fish in them. Wouldn't horses or dogs make more sense? [A pause, before she finally gets it.] Oh, uh, unless that was a typo... and I put in Tuna instead of Tina, heh... heh heh...

I won't even go into the tea.

Has anyone else found anything really bizarre?

Comments

video

[recommendations]

You have tea themed after you, too? I thought it was just me.

[ And then... ]

What does a butt scented candle even smell like?

[continuousgroaning]

Yeah. It's onion and tomato-flavored tea. I'm not sure that sounds good...

I've tried smelling it, but it's hard to figure out. It blends in with the other scents and ends up just smelling like beef with a hint of body odor.

[recommendations]

Oh, that's... hm. That's certainly an interesting flavor combination.

[ But Momo prides herself on trying as many different kinds of tea as she can. She'll have to seek out this Tina tea... Teana. ]

Well, that doesn't particularly sound like an appealing aroma. ...No offense.

[continuousgroaning]

I get what they were trying to go for- burger toppings- but some things should just stay burger toppings. It'd make a better soup.

Oh, none taken. I mean, I appreciate that my fans were trying to do something for me. ... I think.

[recommendations]

Oh yes, I can see how that would make a delicious soup.

[ But not tea. She's having a hard time picturing tomato and onion tea... ]

Well, at least their hearts were in the right place? That's got to be worth something.

[continuousgroaning]

Yeah, I'm trying to look at it like that. I guess they went for tea because soup doesn't usually get paired with burgers, but tea does... wait, tea usually doesn't, either. Hot tea, anyway, we do serve iced tea.

text; un: superhiro

[microbrobotics]

dude, you gotta demand licensing fees
or at least free samples

[continuousgroaning]

you know, i've never thought of that!!

i've been here 3 years and have seen some fanmade merchandise of me but never thought to ask for something in return

[microbrobotics]

thats what i did
you dont have to be a jerk about it either. say youll advertise for em and that works out pretty well
plus a lot of them are just psyched that sempai noticed them

[continuousgroaning]

honestly, that sounds about right

i just wish I could use this to help get a boyfriend

but a little extra cash will do too

[microbrobotics]

[ Well this is a conversation he never thought he'd be having. ]

... use the cash on boyfriend dates??

disclaimer: i really dont know anything about getting boyfriends

[bifroster]

One of my students showed me a conspiracy post. Apparently I am some sort of goddess in disguise. I contacted the person who made the post, offering to let them see one of my experiment sessions with Mjolnir, but they haven't gotten back to me.

[continuousgroaning]

i had to look up what Mjolnir is :O that's a really cool thing to have, though!

even if you aren't really a goddess in disguise it'd make it easy to pretend to be one

if you wanted to, anyway, that's also a lot of responsibility

[bifroster]

ahhahahaaahaha

oh my god, no. no no no

That would be awful. Believe me, it's a miracle I am able to manage a bunch of students and independent research. And myself. Me as a goddess would be a bad idea.

[continuousgroaning]

And if students and research is what makes you happy, goddess-hood might not be for you anyway

i mean, for me even having the minor powers i do have was too much, but anything more than that? nice to write fanfiction about, but i'm not sure i'd want to live it

[bifroster]

Exactly. Who needs to rule over something? It might actually be more fun to explore that in fiction. At least then you have absolute control.

[harvesthoney]

I've found mugs and t-shirts that say 'Straight Outta Dog River". There is no Dog River here. I guess I must talk about my home town even more than I thought.

I have to ask - was it a Tina tea or a tuna tea?

[continuousgroaning]

At least the fans pay attention, but that is a weird thing to put on merchandise. It'd make more sense to be whatever imPort city you live in...

It was a Tina tea, except I guess they were thinking burger toppings so it's onion and tomato tea. That seems more like a soup.

[harvesthoney]

Straight outta Jeopardy?  That does have a ring to it and they could use it for other imports too.

At least that's better than a tuna tea.  It might make more sense for them to make a soup though. A nice hearty one with beef and tomato. Or they could make a drink that would pair well with burgers, instead of tasting like a burger.

[continuousgroaning]

Jeopardy is a weird enough place, anyway. It'd sell like hotcakes.

Now, a drink'd be nice. Including something non-alcoholic, since I'm not old enough for that yet. My dad's best friend once made beer that paired really well with his burgers, but some kind of mixed drink or soda or something... hmmm. I think I've got a new idea.

[harvesthoney]

They could make a line of milkshakes.  Oh, that would be hard for them to sell online. Maybe some kind of drink mix, or even tea, if they made it to go with the burgers and not to taste like the burgers.

What's your idea?

video;

[pidgewidgeon]

I stopped looking for merch themed after myself and my teammates when I started running into the smutty fan comics featuring Keith and Lance.

I did NOT need to see that. Ever. [ Her face and voice makes it quite clear she didn't enjoy the experience at all. ]

[continuousgroaning]

No, I don't blame you for not wanting to see that! It would be too weird to see your close friends like that.

[Not that Tina should really say so, considering all her erotic friendfiction, but at least the romance was limited to herself and Jimmy Jr. and nobody save herself and occasionally her family saw it.]

People should keep that kind of thing to themselves. I think they forget we're people with our own lives.

[pidgewidgeon]

[ Pidge laughs as she remembers an afternoon she'd spent with Lance ]

I remember one FanPort a while ago, Lance was buying up all the doujinshi featuring him and Keith so no one else could get it. He was so disgusted. He and Keith burned them in the backyard that night out of disgust.

[ Good memories ]

[continuousgroaning]

That sounds like them. I hope whoever drew it thought twice about it after that, too... I mean, I can understand the urge, but I'd never actually show it to the person it was about.