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[burlyboy]

So, uh... listen. I've been thinking, since everyone uses this place to just, uh, ask everyone questions, it's about time that I do the same. This place is a regular advice column. And at least half the time the answers are actually useful!

[ Magnus - who is, for the uninitiated, quite a sight to the ordinary person; he's entirely human and not particularly outlandish, save for the fact that he's massive and scarred, with truly brilliant sideburns - crosses his arms and leans back, letting out a sound between a laugh and a huff. He's delaying. ]

Plenty of you around here find love, yeah? Hell, it feels like half of you went ahead and got hitched. But that means plenty of you had people back home you were in a relationship with, or you were with another imPort who's been away, maybe for years now.

What do you guys think about that? I mean, how do you know when it's time to move on? How d'you know that's what you want? I'm not thinking of anyone in particular, just, uh... spitballing.

Losing someone's hard. And it's not like any of us get closure around here. Or that you all stopped loving the people who're gone. That's all I wanted to ask.

Comments

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[h2no]

Ain't this some deep shit, bro? [he can't help but wonder if magnus is talking about his wife, but... that thought disappears. no, he doesn't want to start assuming. this could be platonic love, too.] Suppose you don't ever move on overnight, even when you decide you want to or think its time. Kinda like grieving, yeah?

[probably ironic coming from mr stuck in the past and his own loss here, but you know.]

Guess the best you can do is start to come to terms with all that stuff. Might not even know that's what you want when you do it. The, er, fluid nature of this place makes it ten times more difficult though, am I right?

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[burlyboy]

Yeah...

[ A lot like grieving. Actually, mainly grieving. ]

Yeah, this place sure as hell doesn't help. It gives us time to think about it, but it, uh -- it's not the most consistent place in the world. [ He snorts. ] Dunno if I even know what coming to terms with something means.

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[h2no]

It's different for everyone. Maybe some things you just aren't meant to ever come to terms with, just learn how to live with it.

[that doesn't sound healthy, but he also can't imagine any other answer. it takes a lot of work to get close to coping, he knows that.]

I guess... the best thing you can do is be fair to yourself. Try an' remember that how you treat yourself is gonna catch the attention of your friends and other people who are still here. At least, that's what I try and remember when I get all mopey.

anon; text to generic alexa voice ur welcome

[adamantlyardent]

How does one find closure when a loved one goes off to war, their fate unknown? Or to a distant land within their OWN realm, never mind a whole other plane?
It is within the means of a mind and heart to mend just enough to continue moving forward for most; others, like songbirds, wither away without their mate. Some can absolve themselves of feelings of deceit for those they can no longer see right in front of them, but the matter of HOW one does truly varies.
There are balms and vices to sway one's opinions, of course -- some more destructive than others.
Perhaps others discover they did not care as much as they thought they did, or that absence makes their hearts colder to the memories that make them ache.

[burlyboy]

I figure any mystery is the same as what I'm talking about here. Except here... the dead can come back.

[ He hopes. He tries not to - it's not for his own good - but he hopes. ]

...so you talked a lot about people. What do you think?

[adamantlyardent]

Does it matter? A faceless flow of words could make up any sort of thing and it'd be hard to be certain it was true.
Is it because you're looking to adapt an answer not entirely your own?

permavid

[killtime]

Personally, it hasn't involved a lot of knowing. If you'd asked me, I would've said I wasn't ready.

[burlyboy]

...then why'd you do it?

[killtime]

Because I'm stupid. [ Wryly: ] And because I wanted it, deep down. Isn't that how it usually is?

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[bestest_ladle]

You've got complex questions today, Magsie.

[Personally, Meeth can't imagine trying to get married in a place like this, where everything is crazy and you can't rely on anyone to be present from one day to the next. But it does happen, a pair of crazy kids just announced their big day last month, and if that's what they think they should do... well, good for them.

But for partners who were alive and well at home? For people who were here and taken away again? If they come back, they might remember, they might not.]

I don't know if you ever--move onnie. Because it's not like you stop loving the person that you lostie... maybe it's when you think of a person you have nowie and you smile before you feel saddie.

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[burlyboy]

What can I say? I'm a more complex guy than people give me credit for.

[ He's joking, but he's not wrong either. ]

You've had to do that too, huh, Meeth? Just being here meant you had to move on.

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[obediences]

[ Oh hey, Luther recognises this guy. He probably should've reached out to Magnus after their strange blurry trip through Magnus' memories, but— y'know, apocalypses, it's easy to lose track of people in the chaos afterwards. Still, it's enough to make Luther comment and even turn on the video for recognition, where he normally wouldn't: ]

I can't really speak from experience. Closest thing is I waited a couple months for my family to Port back, before admitting it was probably more long-term this time, and downsizing to a smaller house.

[ It's been long enough since it happened that his voice doesn't shake when he talks about it, at least. ]

But I can imagine it takes longer and it's harder if it's someone you are, were, romantically involved with. Like grieving, like that other comment said up there. Everybody moves on in their own time. Or maybe some don't.

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[burlyboy]

Hey, losing family's hard too. Maybe Tino and I should've moved out after the boys all disappeared, but we got some good folks in their place too. New friends -- new family's different, though.

[ Does it feel like a replacement? He doesn't know. ]

I dunno if it's the worst thing, to not move on.

( text | un: mrs.s )

[aeva]

I don't think there ever is a right time to move on but not being alone can be nice.

( her own loss is still far too recent for her to even consider it personally but she can understand why people would -- growing old with someone makes much more sense than alone, being happy makes more sense. why not find new love? )

[burlyboy]

[ Magnus keeps his to video -- and he lets the communicator go text to voice. He can read and write for these things, if needed, but he prefers not to. ]

...You don't think that's unfair to the other person? Just being with 'em because it's better than being alone, even if it's not, uh -- not all of you?

private video;

[heliophilic]

Apollo might be the one to answer this better than I can, but... you try not to think about it. You remember that they're not coming back.

I don't think there's ever a specific time to move on. Sometimes you have to hold your nose and jump into the water, and hope you didn't just make the biggest mistake of your life.

private video;

[burlyboy]

I think it's something you can answer just fine, M. You're the only one who can answer for yourself, anyhow.

Seemed to me like you knew what your heart wanted. Must've taken some guts to let your heart go there in the first place.

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[pullsheavendown]

Man, I don't know anything about love.

...I guess that wasn't very helpful.

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[burlyboy]

That's okay, kid. I didn't expect you to wanna help with this.

You shouldn't have to be grappling with this shit yet anyhow. You've got some more living left to do before you do.

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[bifroster]

[Jane winces, because yeah, this kind of hits home for her.]

It's an easy topic to spiral on.

Because what happens if they're from a different point of time and you haven't met yet? Or you have and they're from the future when you've broken up? What if they have already moved on, but for you, they just chose you over everything else in the world?

[She takes in a deep breath.]

For me, I had to make myself let go. Because I had to respect the decision he ... we will eventually make.

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[burlyboy]

Heh. Spiral's right.

[ Magnus' snort of laughter isn't entirely happy, but it's not disingenuous either. ]

You're right. There are too many possibilities here, and not all of them are good. So you, uh... he, your partner, he told you that you guys didn't make it?

[ video ] »

[divaricate]

I mean... I did have someone back home I was in a relationship with, and later had someone here I'd been with briefly and who has been gone for a few years, and now I'm in the half who got married here. I think it's mostly just a lot of internal screaming and hoping it doesn't blow up.

[ video ] »

[burlyboy]

So... what would you do if one of them showed up here? Just tell them you moved on and hope they love you enough to understand?

[video]

[notmyplacetosay]

Usually only works if you find something better. Doesn't have to be a person, either, so long as it's calling you.

[ video]

[burlyboy]

I dunno. I've got a calling, but it doesn't exactly fill up the other shit.