maskormenace | Fourth Bell | Oseibo?

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Fourth Bell | Oseibo? | Audio

[Late November and Thanksgiving's in high roll, quickly falling into Christmas and Akihiko's getting more and more aware of the contrast between holidays in America as compared to his home country. They celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas sure, but not in the same ways- at all. Besides Thanksgiving being almost a wholly American thing- Christmas was- well. A christian holiday anyway- he knew that, sure. But in Japan it was something completely other than what he's seeing here.]

[So the audio feed opens because it's easiest, he can continue looking at the 'CLOSED FOR CHRISTMAS' reminder on a restaurant he enjoys. Early reminder, but it seems like an aged sign, like it's- just there and normal? To be- closed on Christmas?]

Hey, Akihiko here, and I have a question for people used to holidays in America- how does it work here? Christmas especially, I'm finding out that most restaurants are closed for it, but wouldn't that make going out on dates difficult?

I assume holidays here are different anyway, but Christmas especially seems like an entirely different thing. [A pause, turning to look at the other shop that gave him some confusion. Everything seems to be a lot more about family if anything. Not about romantic relationships, or friends.]

Do you celebrate at home then? Is a tree that necessary? Who do you usually give gifts to? Are you able to celebrate the holiday the same if you don't have a family to spend it with?

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I mean that, if you wanted friends, you'd have found opportunity despite being busy. [ if you're her, you're probably busy because of your friends. but being busy is always preferable to being lonely. ] If you didn't participate in classroom gift exchanges, despite attempts to encourage and include you, that's a conscious choice.

You weren't a part of it because you didn't want to be. Which is probably the same reason you'd recommend ignoring the other parties.

Yeah, I won't argue that. I didn't really have an interest. But the reasons usually fall into being busy, because I want to be busy and set up my time like that. Though I guess if any of them seemed interesting enough I would've stopped to talk. [Most of the time they weren't though and had nothing useful to say.]

And I take it that few of them were interesting enough to keep your attention.

[ she can't decide if that's anti-social tendencies or just snobbery. she wouldn't rule out both. but she can't decide how to say that so it comes out sufficiently teasing rather than rude. ]

Yeah- huh, you guessed it. [Shrugs.] Like I said, I had other things to do with my time. And usually it was just girls bothering me, they never seemed to have anything important to say.

[How'd she guess?? Huh. Well he supposes it's a bit obvious with what he's been saying so far.]

...I'm sure. Or, and this may be a wild concept, but they had things that may have had plenty of importance, only that you value things differently. It's a matter of incompatibility, not an inherent failing on their part.

[He's quiet for a moment, mind moving a little slow with the school feeding she's dishing out right now. But it just circles back around to- yes, it wasn't important to him, and thus wasn't anything important at all.]

Guess I wouldn't know, I never really listened. [Well he certainly listened enough to know it wasn't something actually important. He'd stop for talk about school, work, boxing, SEEs, if anything was said about strange things around town, sure. Buuut those girls were useless.]

[ she shakes her head, smiling. ]

No, I imagine you didn't. Probably too wrapped up in whatever it is you've convinced yourself is important. [ okay, now she's found a good way to tease about it, lest he think she might approve. ]

Convinced myself is important? [Um, excuse him?]

It started to sound like you believed that 'important' was relative. Whatever I find important really is important to me then, right? I don't need to be convinced of it.

-Are you trying to start something?

The thing I'm trying to start is a realization of how it sounds from the other end when importance is treated as an absolute.

It isn't fun to be regarded as if your thoughts are trivial, is it?

Tch- [A breath, going quiet for a moment.] There are somethings that are. Certain situations always count as important, those are the ones I mean.

But it is between those situations that life will generally occur. That is why their outcome is important, to preserve or restore life, and enable the things that are "less" important.

Can one be counted as less essential than the other when it serves as its motivation? Electing to refrain is your own choice, as your values must carry a very narrow focus. But that doesn't mean there isn't an entire universe beyond them.

I simply think it deserves a modicum of better respect.

I'm not going to change how I look at them or feel about them because you think I should, if that's what you're trying to say. If they have any interest in talking to me, they should have interest enough in figuring out what matters to me.

Until them, better to not waste my- or their time, because I'm not interested in what they believe is 'important'. There was a lot more things going on in my life that small talk really didn't count for 'important'.

[A breath, crossing his arms.] Do you always mindlessly defend things?

[ she lets out a scoff. ] I just gave you a rather thoughtful response, I hardly think that qualifies as "mindless"! If anything, it's mindlessness that I'm defending against.

On that note, I hope you realize how needlessly self-centered your answer sounded.

Mindless as in you don't even know them and when did this conversation start being about people who don't even exist here?

I don't care if it sounded self centered, why would knowing or not knowing that change anything? I mean what I said.

Well, it doesn't really have anything to do with them whatsoever. They were an example, one that you provided, so we talked about them. In truth, the crux of the argument is on your perceptions of others, and how that self-centeredness shapes it.

Your awareness determines whether or not you realize the problem in it, whether you've simply dismissed it or have simply been so caught up in it that you never realized where it is sourced. It won't necessarily change anything, at least until you are motivated to make a change. Sometimes awareness will provide that motive.

The crux of the argument is your issue with my perception of anything. I never asked for your opinion.

[Kanaya, you are way too long winded for him right now.]

[ her thoughts are very important, as far as she cares. but they also aren't simple, it requires precision to properly convey them, and that always means a lot of words. you're supposed to be listening to each and every one of them, sanada. god. ]

So, in other words, you can't be fucked to care about people who aren't willing to shape their interactions with you entirely around your own desires, and are similarly uninterested in concerning yourself with the fact that this is a pretty shitty attitude to have toward other people.

You know, usually that sort of disposition is reserved for maladjusted, megalomaniacal teenage gods. [ and they at least were powerful enough (and attractive enough, but she's not gonna talk about that) to get away with it. ]

[Sorry, he's not. He's losing interest in this conversation because it's lacking a finite point to him. She's just trying to change his mind on how he feels and it's- not working. He didn't go into this wanting someone to shift the way he thinks, god.]

Because everyone has to care about everyone they meet's feelings? I'll fight for them, save their life, protect them, fine, but since when is anything not about my own desires? If you desire to talk to someone who just comes up to you and speaks to you, then that's 'your desire'. If you desire to make other people feel like what they have to say is important, that's still you desiring to do it. Not everyone's the same, Kanaya, and I'm not going to change just because you think how I act is shitty.

[Rude Kanaya wow. On all accounts.]

At least I don't pretend to care and actually waste their time.

[ she has a type, no one ever said it was a good type. ]

Not everything is about doing what we want, Sanada. The most important things will be against it. But why are you fighting for them if you think they're only a waste of your time?

What is that really fighting for?

Anything you do is about what you want. You never purposely choose something you don't. The situation you might not want, but you still choose what you want to do during it.

[A sigh, cocking his hips a little, not that she can see.]

Life isn't a waste of time. Helping people, even if I don't get along with them or know them, is something I want to do.

Not always. Sometimes there won't be really any choice at all to make, only the demands of the situation. There may be alternative methods to fulfilling those demands, some of which you may prefer over the others, but not wanting something more than another thing doesn't mean you actually want it. It's simply the better of two evils.

But they're free to do whatever they like, so long as it isn't anywhere near you?

Everything you do then is still what you want, like I said. Should the situation not be something you want, you still fight through it how ever you choose to. Wanting it at all means you want it, that's my point. You can want something without enjoying it, those are different things.

[Ugh this conversation is- literally getting no where.]

As long as it's not hurting anyone that doesn't deserve it. But sure, if it doesn't get in my way, that's good too. [he lets out a small breath.]

Is there a reason for all this? I really can't waste any more time talking about it. [Because it really- really is a useless time sink.]

Edited 2014-12-22 06:07 (UTC)

There's a big, important difference between wants and needs. Deciding something isn't the same as wanting to decide it, and conflating them dilutes the concepts both are meant to convey.

But fine. If you aren't inclined to examine it further, than I suppose wasting your time is only wasting my own time.

[ can an argument be conceded more passive-aggressively? it's not impossible, but it wouldn't be easy, either. ]

It is. [No, PA is fine, Kanaya, he's not gonna let it bug him because he's really done with this conversation.]</small. Anyway, thanks for the help.

Of course. What am I for if I'm not saying anything useful?

Have a good day, Sanada.

[ and, on that note, she disconnects. ]

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Fourth Bell | Oseibo? | Audio

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