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I need an expert in felines.
The one that was given to me won't stop hissing and clawing either my furniture, carpet, or alternatively me.
And my clothing.

What am I doing wrong, exactly?

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It sounds scared.

[At least, from what little she knows about cats.]

Something is scared? Of me?

I think so. Cats usually scratch you because they're scared. They scratch other stuff because they're sharpening their claws.

[She doesn't know much about cats, really.]

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hands4healing - 2015-01-15 01:30 (UTC) - Expand

It sounds like you just got an evil cat.

They're very, very common.

Great. I suppose I could just get a new one?

I've heard you can try to ply it with catnip, but I haven't had much luck in that arena myself.

Have you considered dogs?

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What really? It always seems to be well-behaved whenever im over! Maybe it's sick?

Killface adores you whenever you're here but it's like he becomes a totally different animal when you leave.
Maybe it is sick.

Killface is a really weird name. You should change it, it sounds way too... Decepticon. Oh we should take him to the vet! That's what you do when your animal behaves strangely, right?

[SO HE ASSUMES ANYWAY. He has no idea.]

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Your cat is dying.
Best thing to do now is get it put down.
Guess you should've been taking better care of it.

I'm not quite that naive.

You can trust me, I'm an expert.

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forcowardice - 2015-01-14 16:20 (UTC) - Expand

what are its ears doing?

They're usually pinned back when I hold my hand out at him. Then he hisses and swats.

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Possibly everything.
Ignore the idiot saying it's dying.

[ WHAT DO YOU KNOW ANYWAY!! ]

Really? What should I be doing instead?
Yeah, I was doing my best on that.

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forcowardice - 2015-01-13 03:12 (UTC) - Expand

text; whoops html

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text; it's all good!

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Some cats don't like strangers. Have you bought him a scratching post yet? Cats also like it when you give them food.

You mean besides my leg? Yes, I did.
I feed it. Maybe it's the wrong kind. Brands are important or something.

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bratziska - 2015-01-15 06:55 (UTC) - Expand

[The feed clicks on to show a rather regal looking gray cat curled up and regarding the camera with the sort of disdain only felines can fully pull off.]

You're doing nothing wrong, that's simply how we royal felines express ourselves. [The cat waves a paw nonchalantly.] Just carry on with what you're doing, I'm sure you'll get used to it.

[Please don't listen to him]

Edited 2015-01-13 00:15 (UTC)

Right, I find that incredibly hard to believe.

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footnoting - 2015-01-13 03:54 (UTC) - Expand

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forcowardice - 2015-01-13 05:22 (UTC) - Expand

video - god I'm so sorry

footnoting - 2015-01-13 08:33 (UTC) - Expand

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forcowardice - 2015-01-14 16:34 (UTC) - Expand

Not getting on with your companion?

I'm convinced it hates K-Cons.

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Ah! So you're getting along with your little friend very well then!

Don't worry, I'm sure this stage will pass. Just be patient my friend.

Getting clawed up is "very well" in your opinion?

He seems to be just fine with my boyfriend, just not me.

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knightunbraided - 2015-01-14 16:39 (UTC) - Expand

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