twelve wild roars ✪ video

[earnedmystripes]

[Enter: one disgruntled looking old middle-aged man. Sup network, it's been awhile.]

Seriously? April Fools' Day? Does the Porter have a sense of humor now, or what??

[BIG HEAVY SIGH]

Soooo. Do I wanna know what blew up while I was gone?

[Something always blows up while he's gone. It's bizarre that way, much like how he always ports in and out with Barnaby. He's Trying (TM) not to have a complex about it, but it sucks.]

010 - Voice

[iamtetsuo]

Listen up... I'm only gonna ask this once before I get the answer myself.

[There's a half second pause as he breathes in.]

Which one of you assholes stole my tiger?!

💣 008 | audio

[devoutish]

Mm. Let me ask you something, all of you. Has an imPort ever been sacked from their assigned job?

[Alfie has been lowkey trying to test the limits of his employability at the radio station for a while now, generally by being rude, confusing, and/or terrible on-air - especially now that he has a good amount of money socked away, thanks to his criminal dealings. But since he's neither quit nor been fired, his ridiculous show stays on the air, much to the delight of the small but loyal cult following it's amassed.]

I'm asking, right, because I've worked this one for over six months now, and I should think that'd be a long time to keep on someone who clearly isn't the radio host type.

But it's lucky I'm still here, isn't it, because I'm considering doing a special for April Fool's Week--

[He knows very well that it's just April Fool's Day.]

-- and that should be great fun. Yeah, you've brought me around on your incessant holidays; congratulations. What's up next, then? May Day?