010 | CRAWFISH BOIL | ANONYMOUS TEXT

[infomodder]

Why don't fish like basketball? They're afraid of the net.
What fish can perform operations? A sTurgeon.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A loan shark.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Have some one throw it at you.
Did you know the octopus is the only fish that can squirt ink? Just squidding.
Why don't fish pass their exams? Because they work below C-Level.
Why did the octopus cross the road? To get to the other tide.
How do shellfish get to the hospital? In a clambulance.
Did you hear about the goldfish who went bankrupt? Now he's a bronze fish.
Did you hear about the fight in the kitchen? A fish got battered.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A tunee fish.
What fish goes up the river at 100mph? A motor pike.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line.
Why did the fish go to Hollywood? He wanted to be a starfish.

[Yep. That's the post. Just a bunch of awful fishy jokes that are absolutely anonymous and no one can prove otherwise. However, his pool is limited...time to reach out.]

Your turn. Share your favorites, imPorts.

[Whether he means favorite fish jokes or favorite bad jokes is a mystery. Do your best worst, chums.]

[Audio - Introduction]

[cadbane]

[For now it's just a voice and that voice has a gravelly sound and a vaguely European accent. There's a no nonsense edge to the words.]

The name's Cad Bane and I'm seeking some information and some work.

I'm not sure I like a place that gives you a file on your life and recruits you without any negotiations on the paycheck. So right now I'm looking for a better deal. If it can be done, I'll get it done - even if you don't think it can be done - but don't waste my time with any tiny offers of payment or favors in return. You get what you pay for and I'm the best.

What jobs do I do? I'm leaving this open. Everything is negotiable.

Now, about this place and the people here. Tell me something more than what the official word is. Make it worth my while.

Video

[bindsthedead]

[Sabriel's in her office at RISE headquarters- it seemed the appropriate place for this announcement. She's pulled on her armor and surcoat, her expression serious and solemn as she speaks.]

Major General Armstrong has been Ported out. As of now, I'm RISE's commander and I'm naming Jacob Taylor my second in command. [And then her tone shifts, becoming stern and businesslike.]

For those unfamiliar with us, RISE is a group of registered imPorts who work with the government to deal with dangerous imPort criminals and other problems local authorities can't handle- which seem to occur on a somewhat regular basis, and perform outreach to make sure our community has a good relationship with the local population. Our headquarters is in Martian Falls, but we operate in all the porter cities.

I know some of you have had bad experiences with governments in your own worlds, so let me assure you- we're not going to lock you up unless you've committed a crime and it's part of your sentence, or force you to fight battles you don't want to, or investigate you for being openly critical of the government. [Especially since shes privately suspicious of them herself.] But if you cause harm to the people of this world, or your fellow imPorts, then we'll have a problem.

I'd also like to announce that RISE is seeking new members. You need to be registered and not have committed any serious crimes in this world. Beyond that, I just need you to be comptent and ready to work with a team. If you're interested in working as a field agent, I'd like you to be proficient enough in nonpowered combat that you won't be helpless if hit with a nullifier, but we can use more than just fighters.

If you have any further questions, ask them here, or stop by Helix Station and ask them in person.

[More information about RISE and sign ups can be found here or contact me at sarahthesilent]

Video

[stretchy_girl]

Hello dear imPorts! My name is John Smithson and I work on an ongoing project at the New York City Zoo. I am in the middle of writing a paper which looks into the types of Megafauna which have gone extinct in this world but which might still be extant in others.

So, does your world have dinosaurs, mammoths, giant scorpions, terrible predators or any other creatures that might be considered monstrous? If so please describe the creature(s) as best as possible below, and we will have one of our best digital artists create an image and add it to our database.

Thanks for your co-operation imPorts. We hope that you come visit our zoo sometime soon!

[OOC: Should anyone call the zoo to ask about the project they will be told that nobody by the name John Smithson works there and there is no such project. Curious huh?]