one - fresh meat | video

[abduxel]

[The fellow on screen is a new face. There's a small waver in his voice if you listen closely, but only at first. He sounds almost American in an old-timey way, but has a faint accent impossible to identify. He appears to be a normal guy in his mid-20s, perhaps a little pale. He's well-dressed, sort of; he's wearing a full, all-black suit, but it looks a little over-worn. There's glamour magic hiding the two demon horns on his forehead, and so instead most people will just see two small bumps. He seems a little bit exasperated. His ID reads "Matthew Lin."]

So, [clears throat] seems I'm in Virginia. Not exactly according to plan, but then it never is, am I right? Doesn't seem to be the case for most of you guys, either. One hu - person - leaking from her face, just, water, all over the place. I asked why she was doing that, and if she would show me Snapchat, and the look she gave me nearly banished me on the spot. Really, give a guy a break, it was just a question. People's attitudes these days! Unbelievable.

In any case, if anyone a little more well adjusted would like to discuss some things, I've apparently got all the time in the world right now and I'm feeling a bit ... disoriented. I'm finding my normal communication wires have been cut, so to speak, which, by the way, I don't terribly appreciate. Also, the job I've been assigned! Who do I talk to if a job description conflicts with my, er, religious beliefs?

You won't believe the week I've had.

Anyway, what is this thing? [The video jostles around like in a 'found footage' movie. He's hitting the communicator lightly, which comes across as loud booms in the audio, and turning it every direction to look at it.] Is this an iPhone?

Comments

[halfcow]

Cuz of the way you freakin' described it! Ya totally didn't know what tears are!

[abduxel]

I don't know what you're talking about. That never happened.

[halfcow]

[ groans ] I don't give a fuck if ya know what cryin' is or ain't. Just wonderin' what kind of rock ya live under.

[abduxel]

[Flippantly,] An igneous rock.

[halfcow]

I got not idea what the hell that is.

[abduxel]

[In a mocking falsetto,] Oh wow, you really don't know what an igneous rock is? What the hell?

[halfcow]

Yeah, I'm dumb.

But I know what a basic body function is, t'least.

[abduxel]

Look, I just forgot for a minute. It's a little disorienting, you know, suddenly appearing in a place like this.

[halfcow]

next thing you know, you forget what jerkin' off is.

[abduxel]

[He laughs, though he's still a bit defensive and trying not to look it.] Kill me if that happens, out of my misery, alright?

[halfcow]

[ hell if ryoki cares if he doesn't know about crying ]

OH you know what it is. Good.

Woulda been pretty awkward to explain that shit to you.

[abduxel]

Yeah, pretty sure that conversation would've been breaking some child safety laws, 'cause what are you, fourteen years old?

[halfcow]

[ he laughs loud ] Fuck no. 16.

Besides, some 14 years old know a lot more than some adults.

[abduxel]

Doesn't mean I want them to tell me all about teasing the weasel, does it?

now with the right account

[halfcow]

[ why is this so incredibly funny to him? Because ryoki is very mature ] Holy shit, I ain't heard that expression since I was 9 or something!

Good thing it's just tears. Or do ya got any other bodily function ya might need an explanation on?

applause

[abduxel]

[He smirks.] Kid, you were talking about that stuff at 9 years old? You're definitely a sinner.

Don't think I'm forgetting everything else, but then again, how would I know?

face in hands

[halfcow]

You'd be surprised. Was born into sin and all that jazz. [ no, really. That's what people say about his kind. Monsters born of sin, and things like that. he's used to it ]

True, true. Just ask when ya see sometin' goin' on. Like, some idiot pissing in a bathroom, you just go up to him and ask. That will go well.

pat-pat-pat

[abduxel]

[Probably arrogantly, he doesn't really think he'd be surprised, granted that he's a demon and can transform into some bizarre creatures. ...But he would, because what, genetically engineered half-cow people?? He wouldn't even know what "genetic engineering" meant.]

Lucky you, not all of us are so fortuitous. I was born into a hard-working god-fearing family, and just started creating sin myself out of nowhere. [He winks.]

Thankfully I happen to remember what pissing is, too, or else that suggestion would get my ass beat.

[halfcow]

[ Ryoki laughs ] God fearing? That oughta be a seriously fucked up way to grow up.

Aha, lucky you. Too bad for me, i would want to know how that went.

[abduxel]

Yes, it ruined me. All that repression - when it finally gives way, what a sight. What makes you born into sin, teen mom out of wedlock or something?

[halfcow]

[ he laughs because it's not even close ]

I'm a bioengeneered being.

[abduxel]

[Blankly,] Come again?

[halfcow]

[ not the first time someone doesn't know what that is ]

it means I was made by humans. With science.

[abduxel]

[With genuine curiosity,] ...Do you have a soul?

[halfcow]

[ he laughs ]

Who the fuck knows. Most people say we don't.