maskormenace | 007 ♍ video ♍ backdated to early afternoon

Entry tags:

007 ♍ video ♍ backdated to early afternoon

[ it's been a while since kanaya has been on video, and a while since she's felt presentable enough to be. but here, in whatever office she's working in, she seems to have taken all the necessary effort, pink lipstick and earrings to match her ever-inexplicable reading glasses. visible signs of guilt have never been her style, too much a ploy for attention. too pitiful. she's stable enough now to not make that mistake again.

never one to waste time not multitasking, even while she speaks, she's shuffling and organizing a stack of papers. desk work may be a little dull, but at least it's legal and safe. ]

I suppose recent events demand an accounting of the truth, some settling of where exactly it lies. And that file that was leaked about me, of course, is all true. The bit about Hobgoblin is no surprise to anyone who's been paying attention, but the multiple murders? Yes, that also was me.

And I stand by each of them, bereft of context as they are. I'm not the sort who'd only talk about the morals behind it, after all. I'm not here to defend myself, either. That the information was publicized is one matter, but I think the why of it is more important to discuss.

[ she doesn't stop shuffling papers, but she moves her main focus to the camera, only glancing down every now and then to what she's doing, to make sure it's being sorted correctly. ]

It's easy to point the finger at the Hornets. They were the instigating factor, of course, spreading whatever mental infection they'd concocted to act through us as their agents. It's what they did that had me railing against us, both through physical action and the propagation of an agenda to establish the danger imPort powers presents. [ conveniently, or perhaps loyally, leaving out inumuta's name. if people know, they know, but she doesn't have to drag his name through the mud alongside her. ] Not something I'd have chosen to do, an yet, it happened. But, here on the other side, left to my own thoughts without anyone else's encroaching them, I have to wonder. Didn't they have something of a point?

As imPorts, we are a gun that is not only loaded, but recently found smoking. Certainly, the government can advocate as they like, say that we were victims just the same as anyone on the other end of that gun, but I think that insults those endangered by our proximity. We are dangerous, and simply because we hesitate to pull that trigger ourselves, that doesn't mean it isn't possible for another to pull it for us. Something must be done for that.

[ she puts a halt to her paper pushing, knitting her fingers under her chin. this part is important, and she wants them to know it. she isn't here to argue, not today, so if she can reduce the arguments with a few words, she can hopefully avoid them. ]

Now, in order to properly address what I am saying, let's first get out of the way what I'm not. The Hornets weren't right, there is a difference between being right and having a point. They were just as dangerous to this world and its people as we are, and perhaps more so, for their willingness to fire the weapon regardless of the damage. They lacked the self awareness to recognize their own toxicity, which is where we must be better than them.

[ she spreads her hands, braking their clasp. ] I'm also not saying that mandatory nullification should be initiated across the board. Not now that I'm speaking clearly and singularly, at least. Nick Alford felt otherwise, but...extremities of that sort are hardly the first place to leap to. But I do believe some oversight is necessary, and I no more trust the government's capability nor willingness than I did when I first registered. Less so, if anything, with their response to recent matters.

We have to be better. We have to find true, solid solutions to promise we will be better. This is something we should be considering and discussing. Even if the blame isn't necessarily ours, the responsibility for addressing the aftermath is. We're meant to be populated with a number of brilliant minds, why not put them to use?

[ resting her chin in one hand, she props an elbow up on the desk, staring off thoughtfully. ] Maybe some kind of defense against mental compromise, [ she taps a finger against her temple. ] that would be a good first step. Just don't make it ugly.

[ she takes a moment to reexamine her papers, then reaches over to shut off the recording before continuing. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I joke about a lot of things, Kitty. Hope isn't one of them, it's too dangerous for that.

[ wh
a
whY ARE YOU SUCH A CRAZY PERSON ]

I'm sorry, that's completely mad. Dangerous? It's - First off, no one is not going to have hope. It's just a basic fact that everyone will be hopeful in some way, even if it's just for...being given an extra biscuit by mistake in the lunch line. And that's just a fact of what life is. It's how the brain works so that it isn't shattered by everything bad that happens. There are horrid, painful things in the past and in the present, and they stay with us much more intensely than the good things; hope is what keeps us from going mad with the pain of them, because it lets us focus on the future. It's not even...It's a mechanism for coping.

And it's also what's resulted in anything good in this world and any other one. "Blinders to" - God, I can't even remember your exact phrasing, it was so mad. Hope means staying motivated to make changes, do things. Otherwise, the only way things get done is by habit or out of spite, and neither of those things are any way to break away from the evils of the past. They'll just keep things the same or make them worse. Hope is a mechanism for building up these rotten, broken worlds we come from. It's the only way change happens.

[ She has more to say, but cuts herself off to let out a grunt of frustration instead. ]

Sorry. I don't mean to lecture you, but that's just so - backwards.

Edited 2015-04-10 11:09 (UTC)

[ she's such a crazy person because she's so completely and utterly hopeless. it takes utter madness to keep one going in her circumstances. ]

It isn't backwards, you've just never seen the other side of it.

Living without hope isn't impossible, I know because I've been doing it for years. Though I guess It's a bit rich for a member of the undead to call what she does "living". Lacking it doesn't mean one stops trying, but it does mean she doesn't take her eventual victory for granted. That you describe it as a motivation is precisely what I mean when I call it a crutch, if it were then there wouldn't be much walking without. And perhaps that isn't inaccurate, but we at least have the bullheadedness to crawl. Because the odds will never be in our favor, and we'll need to recognize just how great a effort will be necessary to compensate. It means fighting harder, because there is no other option.

I can't say there isn't an absence of spite to it, but there must be some level of spite to everything. I get up in the morning in spite of the multitudinous reasons I probably shouldn't. When victory isn't an option, you can either give up or you can die fighting. Which do you really expect that you would choose, in my position?

[ It's a good thing they're not together in person, because that self-pity and despair would be enough to make Kitty slap Kanaya right across the face. A little bit of that maybe shows in her face; by the end of Kanaya's speech, Kitty's gained a decidedly bullish, dangerous look, like she's spoiling for a fight. She keeps it civil, though.

Mostly.

...Partly. ]

I've never seen the other side of it, have I? Never mind that a friend of mine has been a slave for over five thousand years. Five thousand years of being tortured, of living under the constant threat of death from master after master after master, with only one of them ever showing him real kindness - and he maintains his hope. Not in any sort of naive way, not in any sort of ignorant or foolish way, but because he's been shown that people can be good. And that hope sustains him. It keeps him funny and brave and decent. It keeps him showing kindness where he hasn't got to. While his comrades who give into despair, who gave up hope, are horrid, wicked, and gluttonous monsters who tear innocent people limb from limb and eat their flesh for fun.

[ She can't suppress a small shudder at the memory of Honorius. That poor, mad creature. Even though she hates that spirit, who killed all her friends and laughed as he did so, she also feels such keen pity for his horrible lot.

Anyway - Temper continues to make Kitty plainspoken, though her intent to injure fades away. This next part is frank, but not cruel. ]

And honestly, Kanaya - I don't want to be unkind to you; truly I don't. You've endured so much. But you're holding up your way of doing things as a model. You're saying that you're an example of getting by just fine without any sort of hope. But are you actually getting by at all? [ Kitty shakes her head - ] I think you might be the unhappiest woman I've ever met. Are you really saying more people should be like that?

[ her expression cools, but she maintains her calm. this isn't the time to get mad or start fighting. ]

I'm not saying I get by just fine, but I do get by. I don't wilt and crumple, and I haven't surrendered to despair. There's a difference between the two, and while they're mutually exclusive, the absence of one doesn't necessitate a presence of the other.

But when I say that you haven't seen the other side, I mean you haven't seen it from the other side. You can talk about what you perceive from a friend, but that will be different from a direct experience.

You are right that I am no example worth following, and that no one should have to be like I am. But I'm not suggesting that they should. This isn't about everyone tossing hope aside or having it taken from them. The point is that it shouldn't be so heavily depended on. It only leaves you more crippled once it is lost.

[ She shakes her head. Her expression fades into something sadder. ]

But that's not what hope is. I mean - [ Another head-shake. ] I've not seen it, you say, but I know you yourself think that my cause is hopeless, and most others - do you think I don't know the difficulties I'm facing? I've lived eighteen years under the yoke of the magicians, and I've watched my friends and countrymen killed or maimed or dragged off for torture. When I was younger, and blinder, I tried to challenge the magicians in court, and nearly ended up in prison myself for it, and that was just about the sweetest and gentlest thing they ever did to me. I do know what it's like to be standing at the base of a sheer cliff and searching for a way to climb -

[ A breath. ]

And believe me, in that case, hope is no bloody crutch. Hope makes things harder. What's easy is giving up. I'd love to just lay down and forget about the injustices my people face, believe me. I'd be happier for it. But I hope that things can get better, and that keeps me fighting. And fighting is bloody miserable, but - Hope isn't a crutch, but a burden. But it's still something we need. Because it's a burden that makes us...stronger, and more joyful, too.

It's a crutch because you're still equating a lack of hope with giving up. It isn't giving up, it's choosing your battles.

[ she shakes her head. ]

Maybe you will achieve victory at home, maybe you'll be able to gather the force necessary to overthrow your oppressors. I can't speak to that. But the methods you've outlined for us, to conquer Lachesis and bring us with you to be your army? That is an empty undertaking, a waste of time, and a false hope to try inspiring.

[ She lifts her chin stubbornly. ]

Why?

Because it ignores intrinsic details of our situation. She won't cooperate and she won't be conquered, neither is in her nature, and she's survived far worse than we could inflict.

More than that, the very powers you'd hope to employ are under her control. She that gives can take just as easily. The whole plan is just recklessly illogical.

[ Kitty shakes her head. ]

You're assuming quite a lot there. Most importantly is this first thing: you assume it must be Lachesis in charge - which we don't even know for certain. You assume that she's exactly the same as the one you knew. You also assume that wildly different circumstances will produce the exact same result.

I'm not saying that you're absolutely, certainly wrong about any of that, Kanaya, but saying that something is hopeless based upon there being some combination of unknown factors that would make something impossible is short-sighted. And you're assuming I've not got back-ups. This is already the...God, I suppose it's the fourth plan I've tried; I won't be surprised if I've got to cycle through a dozen more before I find one that works. I'm going to see this one to its end; if it works out, brilliant, and if it doesn't, I'll move onto the next.

I'm not assuming. These are suspicions that later facts have coincided with sufficiently that I have concluded it to be the case, or at least the case is close enough for any distinction between those suspicions and any "conflicting" truth to be ultimately irrelevant. If it isn't her, than the differences are so minuscule that it may as well be her. Whoever it is certainly hasn't proven any more cooperative.

And I haven't said a thing about your backups. You're assuming my assumptions, now. But as long as whatever plan you have depends on bringing us with you back to your world, you should really consider a different plan.

[ A grunt of annoyance. And something that really bothers her a lot: ]

You know, there are plenty of other people - even people from the City - who don't think it's Lachesis. I wish you'd stop talking to me like I'm stupid and short-sighted just because I don't weigh your opinions heavier than theirs.

[ kanaya doesn't balk, but she does raise an eyebrow. that's actually surprising to hear. ]

Name one.

You at least have an excuse to be ignorant, [ fully stressed, as if she's correcting kitty. ] but if anyone from the City really thought so, they would be stupid and short-sighted.

Ruka is perfectly ambivalent.

I've spoken about it with Ruka before, she's more on my side than yours. But even ambivalence isn't an indication that she thinks it isn't so much as she recognizes the possibility that it may not be. Personally, indifference describes her more often.

But good work invoking my roommate as if you know her so much better. If you've misinterpreted anything she's said to mean that, you probably weren't actually listening to her.

Edited 2015-04-13 12:10 (UTC)

[ Her squint at Kanaya is irritated, to say the least. ]

God, you could be such a useful resource, but you're bloody impossible to have a civil conversation with. It always bloody turns into 'And here's how I'm finding you lacking today.' Honestly, how does getting snotty and condescending ever help anyone? How has it ever helped anyone? We're all on the same bloody side.

[ Another annoyed grunt. Moving on: ]

Anyway, ambivalence is ambivalence, no matter how you try to cast it as a win in your favor. Bradbury's pretty unconvinced, too, from the conversations I've had with him.

Bradbury, all due respect, is also a bit of a dunce. He's more muscle and heart than brains, and not someone I'd count on to draw a reliable conclusion.

[ bloody this, bloody that, for all the english people she knows sharing a similar accent to her, their tongue sure deso seem to be a lot bloodier. and she's a bloody vampire. ]

But the real problem, Kitty, is I'm not here to be your resource. Your goals are not my goals, and I don't intend to contribute to them. I'm more concerned with keeping things sorted on the ground while you're off with your head in the clouds, so while we may be on the same nebulous "side", we aren't actually fighting the same battles.

You want everyone to care about some revolution on your world that simply won't ever matter to us! But you keep shoving it down our throats all the same, and how else do you expect people to respond? My world is dead, my race extinct, and I have to look after its bloody murderer! I can't be arsed with your world's problems, and neither can anyone else!

You're here, on this planet. Home is irrelevant, until she decides it's our time. Get your head in the now, and maybe then we might actually be on the same side.

[ This next bit is far more fierce than anything that's come before. ]

Bradbury is sweet and lovely and actually quite intelligent, and I don't like you sneering at him behind his back. Shame on you.

[ And then she settles in, the flash of anger fading. She's not particularly troubled or hurt by any of that. Instead: ]

And I'm sorry about what happened to you and to your world. That's really awful. But I've got to ask - is that what this is about? All of your anger towards me? That I'm trying to help my people, but you think that yours are beyond help?

[ she just shakes her head, not about to get into an argument about bradbury. the fact of the matter is that whatever he may know, the nature of the porter is well beyond him. he may be nice to people and knows how to conduct himself in a fight, but this isn't a subject she would really value his opinion on. ]

I'm not angry with you, I simply find you frustrating due to being endlessly insufferable. But my story isn't even an especially uncommon one here. It doesn't matter, so I don't bother telling it. No one needs me throwing a pity party about how terrible my situation is at home when many of them have it just as bad.

That's something you fail to realize. It's your home, so obviously it must be the most important subject and everyone had better listen! But trying to make it the focus of anyone else is short-sighted, not to mention impossibly self-important.

You've essentially put on blinders and get huffy when anyone tells you that something's happening in the peripheral.

[ She shakes her head firmly. ]

Except that I'm not. I think the situation in everyone else's home is important, without question. I think the situation here is important. These situations might even be more important than what's happening in my home - but my life is spent fighting for my country, and for my people, and for the freedom of the enslaved spirits. I'm never going to shout down someone who's fighting for their own cause or pretend mine's more important than theirs, but I'm not going to sit down and shut up and stop fighting and stop drawing people's attention to it.

I'm not shouldering other causes out of the way, or trying to suppress them. I'm just fighting hard as I can for what I believe in. If you think this world deserves more attention? Then you should step up and start fighting harder for it.

[ kanaya slides her glasses down her nose, staring down over the rims, knitting her fingers together and setting her jaw. ]

You may not go out with the intention of shouting them down, but you do drown them out. Volume will do that. Telling me that I should speak louder in response will only devolve the discourse into a din that loses the message entirely.

Your pet cause may well be vital to your world, but you need to adapt to your surroundings, adapt your cause to your surroundings. Telling everyone they need out of here so they can help first does elevate it as more pressing than what anyone else fights for. I means that, however you may say that other causes may be more important, you will never compromise those priorities for them, but you would have others compromise theirs.

It's the difference between intention and effect.

Oh, please.

[ That has her outright rolling her eyes, and getting even a little more profane than normal. ]

I'm sorry, that's stupid. That is so far beyond stupid. Not least because people are people, with free bloody will, and if my cause isn't as important as I think it is, they can just bloody ignore me, like I'm one of those madmen ranting on a streetcorner about the apocalypse. It's completely idiotic to say I drown out other voices when I can actually, literally be muted on these network devices.

[ A shake of her head. ]

You're digging for a reason why I shouldn't be fighting. You're digging for something I've done wrong, either because you want to be right or because you want my cause to fail. If it's the former, fine, but if it's the latter, you should be absolutely ashamed of yourself.

Please yourself, have you tried tuning out an airhorn? Not least of which because your like always treats ignoring the soapbox as perpetuating the very cause it rails against.

You say it's a perfectly available option, but heaven knows the sort of stink you'd raise if everyone actually took it.

You know, back home, they at least have decent excuses for trying to silence opinions they don't like. Claims of national security and all that. These excuses are pathetic.

Because it distracts attention from issues that are actually relevant to more than one or two others? That seems perfectly reasonable to me.

007 ♍ video ♍ backdated to early afternoon

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

video

Re: video

video