001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

audiooo

[ferrisbuellean]

I'm a replacement? Please tell me the last one was a complete moron.

[cuff]

Shit, did I miss my highbrow calling card? Must've tossed it. Y'know. By accident. Or is that something I only get to be if i'm disbarred? And no, I didn't learn that word from reading rainbow, in case you're gonna ask.

[schrader]

Entertainment?

[ Because narcotics isn't enough of a mess, it needs a tv show to make them all look like imbeciles? A news crew for a big bust is one thing, this is...not that. Doesn't matter, it's not like anyone above him would sign off on something like this given the image Jeff Winger would probably enforce, so Hank doesn't care enough to worry.

Innocent. Not snatching that bait. ]

Tell you what, you run that cute little idea up the chain of command and we'll see.

[ Isn't that lawyer-speak for 'no fucking way'? He can blend! But it's not like he's the only imPort officer. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

It smelt wrong? Get an air freshener.

[dogsled]

I have a very sensitive nose. Is there an air freshener caller 'old car smell'?

[ferrisbuellean]

[Hank's choice to ignore most of that was wise. Oh so wise.]

Sure, I can totally see that idea being accepted by your higher ups. I bet they've got nothing to hide.

[He's tempted though. So tempted to actually pass it up the chain.]

So you really don't wanna be on the show? Man, I was hoping for good things.

[boobwindow]

He got to be a judge on his own show.

[schrader]

[ This ribbing is punishment for socializing. Never do it, Hank, especially ironically. ]

With that little skip in your step, I'm sure you'll keep it flamboyant and thrilling all on your own.

[ferrisbuellean]

I was gonna ask. [Way to ruin his flow, Ray.]

You're a cop, right? You've got to be a cop. Either that or a security guard.

[ferrisbuellean]

You know, I bet you could find that on the web. Either that or just get some homeless guy to live in the back seat for a week for the same sort of effect.

[ferrisbuellean]

Didn't they already do that with Judge Judy?

[boobwindow]

I guess they have a specific audience they have to appeal to here.

[cuff]

[ He tries. This is what happens when your ex-wife is the ASA. ]

Detective. But sure, go with cop.

[ferrisbuellean]

[You might've picked the wrong guy to socialize with, Hank. Especially when Jeff's not under the watchful eye of his friends. Sorry, buddy.]

I could always do with others around to make me look even better.

[Must. Stop. Mocking.]

But seriously, you don't seem so bad for a cop. You actually have a sense of humor for a start. Folks love that.

[slightlyoffchilt]

[Don't you want to be FAMOUS?]

[slightlyoffchilt]

[Oh yeah, that's the golden invite.]

Well. Have you seen this woman -- sorry, this heroine named Power Girl? Her moniker is highly accurate, believe you me. And there's the walking, talking, probably sentient billionaire playboy trope named Tony Stark.

Clark Kent might help you with the media marketing. He is currently our only imPort journalist.

[acclimatized]

Yeah, it's hard to miss. You could be a dead-ringer for Jeremy Kyle.

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah, apparently. The shows in this place are seriously lacking. Some of the sci fi stuff is passable but c'mon, this fixation on war and patriotism? It's like they never quite got past the eighties.

[ferrisbuellean]

Nailed it. Is that what you do in this place too, or did they give you some demeaning shell of your former job?

[ferrisbuellean]

[Gotta use while he's got it.]

Iiii don't think I've met any of... them... yet.

[Brain reboot.]

I'm sorry, did you uh, did you say Tony Stark and Clark Kent?

[ferrisbuellean]

I literally don't understand like 80% of what you're talking about.

[And he has a British friend! He thought he was informed!]

[cuff]

Managed to get tossed a PI gig. Anything without higher-ups lookin' over everything I do is good enough for me.

[ferrisbuellean]

Wow, that's actually not a bad deal, man. You got seriously lucky. Must actually be vaguely interesting around here too, what with all the powers flying around.

[cuff]

Compared to what i've heard's being dished out, I know I made it out good on this one. But yeah, makes for some pretty interesting work, i'm not complainin'. Isn't Chicago, but hey- what is. [ Yeah okay maybe that's a lead in comment, but w/e, he does what he wants. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

I don't think we want any where else being like Chicago. Chicago though, huh? You friends with a Mountie?

[Look at Jeff, doing his own investigative work.]