02 . text

[systemize]

[The comm tag reads Stormer and is untraceable.]

Someone asked me recently how I'd define moral and immoral, but I think my perspective's a little skewed. How do you define it?


> private to Magicman
I need to ask you for a favor. Do they have you listed as an adult here? I wasn't sure what your official age would be.

> private to Isaac
I think I have your software finished. I can send you the file to download and you can check if it needs troubleshooting.

Comments

[glowsferatu]

then i suppose you at least have the benefit of this temporary reprieve

is he undying

[ because, if not, the solution seems pretty clear to her. ]

[systemize]

I'd feel better about it if my reprieve included my family.

No, but I don't want him dead. I don't want anyone dead, not really.

[In this case, though, it's a lot more specific than that, and he's trying to cover it up, obscure the real meaning. Cadel doesn't want Prosper dead. He'd burst into tears when he thought it might be true, because at the end of the day he's fifteen and Prosper is the father he'd had for most of his life. His only source of support. He hates him and can't bear to lose him at the same time.]

[glowsferatu]

[ it's a position she might have sympathized with, once. she can at least sympathize with not wanting to fall down that pit, it's always better if fewer people become like her. her hands are already dirty, she was younger than he is the first time she killed someone. it hasn't been exactly good to her. ]

no you just want him to stop
death is the answer if hes truly unstoppable
but if that isnt what you want then you need to consider what can be done other than that
methods that may have a better more desirable effect
have you sought any kind of help toward that end

[systemize]

[Cadel has already caused multiple deaths. It wasn't his own hands, but it was irrevocably his fault, and it had been that shock that woke him up from his moral lassitude and into empathy. Just because the people who'd died had been reprehensible in their own way didn't mean he felt entirely absolved-- it hadn't been an intended outcome and it had still happened, because of his carelessness. He never wants it again, is terrified of Saul or Fiona or Sonja or Gazo ending up dead just because they're in his life.]

He targets all the people around me. If I ask for help, they're in danger. And I'm better equipped to deal with him than anyone else. I can't depend on the police-- last time he got put in prison, he used it to his advantage and then escaped. No one would listen to me or give me the resources to go after him because I'm a minor. So it's better if I do it on my own.

[glowsferatu]

if theres one thing about earth ive run out of patience for is how difficult it is to be taken seriously due to something as inconsequential as age
one month left and i can put it behind me
but that makes it no less stupid

so you wont kill him but you cant really leave him alive
what options does that leave you
the only one that comes to mind is breaking him to the point hes either incapable of continuing or at least discouraged

[systemize]

I get that most kids need their decisions made for them, but some of us don't. Congratulations on aging out soon. Really. You aren't from Earth?

I don't want to do any of that! I'm not going to be that person. I don't know what to do but I was telling the truth when I said that he might be dead. There's compelling evidence for it, it's just hard to believe. People like that end up seeming immortal.

[glowsferatu]

no im not from earth
where im from i was already in a position where my decisions would need to be made on my own
but there wasnt really any alternative
not when most of the others were younger than i was
i was 13 when i first became an import and ive been providing for myself and others since

but unfortunately being able to make your own decisions means to understand that there will be times when you will have to do things you dont want
simply because they must be done
perhaps youll be lucky and theyll be dead already
but in my experience if you havent seen a body you cant depend on that
and even then you should never put your back to it
sometimes they rise to their feet again

[systemize]

It's frustrating to be in that position and then suddenly, after all that time, have someone tell you you're too young to take responsibility for yourself. But that means you've been here for ages! They have to acknowledge that you know what you're doing by now.

[Cadel is perpetually caught in between being smart enough to take care of himself practically, and being young enough that he can't do it emotionally. He instinctively needs parental support, and he's only lately starting to understand that.]

We don't have things like that, people coming back from actual death. That's not a danger. But I wouldn't think it was lucky if he were dead, either. I know how stupid it is of me. It's naive and dangerous to want to have a resolution with someone like that. I've done plenty of things I haven't wanted to, there's just... some things I don't think I could make myself face, even if that makes me weak.

[Like wanting his own father dead. Prosper isn't his biological father, he knows that now, but in Cadel's heart, there's some part of him that can't ever give him up, a part that Saul with all his dark-eyed knowing support can't touch. Maybe Prosper was, technically, according to the courts, abusive. But Cadel knows that he loves him and in his warped way was trying to do what he thought was best for his son; no one else got that. How is he supposed to want him dead?]

[glowsferatu]

oh youd be surprised how well i might not know what im doing
ive given them very good reasons to suspect otherwise
but i may get some acknowledgement in certain areas

[ or she'd get more if she wasn't so consistently prickly. but she's been raised to think like an adult, she knew when her mother died she'd have to take over the job. but she was thirteen, there's some she could have managed mothering an entire future, if it hadn't all gone wrong anyway. ]

but if you didnt want some resolution to all of this
if you were content to leaving it as it is
whether its continuance is dubious or not
would you even be asking the question

[systemize]

[Cadel doesn't know what he's doing as much as he'd like to, either. He panics and makes a mess of things, which leads to incidents like nearly drowning in concrete in a basement. That had been terrifying.]

I probably shouldn't be complaining either. My age has saved me from a lot of legal repercussions for bad decisions. And Saul isn't too bad about letting me help, but I can tell he doesn't want to.

What I want isn't ever going to happen. [For Prosper to love him like the kind of father he wants, to approve of him and leave him alone and probably, also, stay in jail.] I'll have to settle for him not hurting anyone to get to me again.

[He still can't bring himself to type if that means he's dead, so be it. Cadel is worked up just saying what he has.]

[glowsferatu]

thats the unfortunate path things have a tendency to go
you just have to find your way to keep the people important to you safe
and maybe determine how youll live with yourself after

[ he has plenty of reason to be apprehensive, nothing comes without consequences. there's always going to be a cost to pay, and it's just what he expects. ]

which one is saul if you dont mind

[systemize]

That's a lot more honest than what most people say to me.

Saul is my adoptive father. My mom's Fiona. At home, I mean. I don't have parents here.

[glowsferatu]

no we rarely do
but there are always those who think its their place to fill that role
and some of us even fall for it
as though replacing those people who raised us is something to do heedlessly

[ well that's suddenly bitter. ]

[systemize]

I've gone through a lot of parents. [Cadel has to actually stop and count to come up with a number.] If we're including unclaimed biological relations and legal relationships, I'm on my sixth set.

Most of them weren't people I wanted. But I wouldn't beat yourself up about "falling for it". I've done this six times and I still do, sometimes.

[Although he's not willing to admit that this subject is directly related to their subject immediately previous.]

[glowsferatu]

some of us dont have that luxury
it would only make me appear weak

[ because she feels like she is, so often, that the easy thing would be to give in, to let someone else shoulder the burden. but if she doesn't, even if she could really trust someone else to, what would be the point of her?

it's her duty, she can't well pass it off on someone else. ]