04 ⚜ Video

[restingstitchface]

[Pristine is how Crane appears when he flicks on the video feed; it's a lovely display of smoke and mirrors that he's pulling off, after the events of the last three days. He has a clean, elegant, ascetic appearance - and enough calm professionalism to mask his excitement.]

You're all handling this outbreak remarkably well. It seems you're all keeping to the boundaries of the law, as the Major-General expects you to. That's a good thing, mind. It would be terrible news to hear people have been shot for breaking quarantine.

Anyway, I am here to help if this event has caused you psychological distress. I am a doctor, after all.

[A pause, and he tucks in his chin and folds his hands in his lap. He half-closes his eyes.]

Fears and phobias are my specialty, and there is much to fear in this situation.

[His head comes back up. He's staring at the lens.]

Be that as it may, fear is something everybody needs. It keeps you safe and keeps you on your toes. It will do you all well to remember that. That it's good to know we must always feel a little scared. It's good to see that most of you haven't submitted to bravado and dagger-tongued bragging.

[The corners of his lips lift in a boyish smile. He tilts his head slightly. His voice is disarmingly gentle. His soft inflection on 'most of you' is meant for one person in particular.]

And I wouldn't like to think that those with guts would put everyone in danger. I trust everyone to make the best decisions for each other in combating this disease.

It would be terrifying to think we couldn't trust each other. Wouldn't it?

[He crosses his right leg and rests his hands over his knee. His graceful fingers smooth his trousers, and he waits for his audience to speak.]

Comments

[restingstitchface]

[And in his mind, Crane's clawing his nails down his face.

Oh. He will destroy you.]

No. [There's an eat-shit smile on his face.] But out of courtesy, I would regard your gift with exceptional respect for a few seconds before I trash it.

[Verbally or literally, or both. Take your pick.]

[schrader]

See, knew it would have been a waste of time, huh?

[ Isn't he a genius after all for not sending that thoughtful gift! Really though, Crane, only a fool would trash his wonderful beer baskets. A fool. ]

Kinda like this little PSA of yours. Maybe you should try to channel Mr. Rogers next time, bet it'll work better.

[restingstitchface]

Well. That certainly is an imaginative picture. But I don't believe in false pleasantries.

[And shows what you know, Hank. Crane doesn't touch alcohol.]

Now. Maybe you could send my gift to Chilton. [Notice Crane's complete lack of respect in that statement.] I hear he enjoys little surprises. I'm sure he'll enjoy the emotional support.

[schrader]

[ Hank looks like he just ate a lemon at the name 'Chilton'. It's faded by now, sure, but it's still a sour taste in his mouth, ain't it? Fuck, Crane, and their bullshitting could have been so beautiful. Why'd he have to taint it. ]

That asshole was here way before I was. Pretty sure his welcome basket was a buncha sticks that he then proceeded to shove up his ass in rotation. Think he would've run out by now.

[restingstitchface]

[Asshole. Sticks up his ass.

Oh. This is good.]

Really? I think not. There are plenty who would say that man has a habit of plucking things from thin air. And I suppose that sticks are a part of that. We all have a habit of creating situations from thin air, forgive my repitition. Sometimes we don't know quite what we're asking.

[Like answering "Where would you show me?" to "Would you like to see my mask?"]

[schrader]

Yeah? Must be a superpower for imPort therapists. That and shit stirring. How are you any different?

[restingstitchface]

Well. I would say it's because I don't really care. You can view me as you like.

Simply, I have a job to do here, and I'll do it.

[schrader]

This part of your job? Scaring people who're already freaked the Hell out and calling it work?

Tell me you don't work with kids so I can sleep tonight.

[restingstitchface]

I assure you, officer, that I treat the children under my protection with the utmost care.

[No sleep for you, Hank.]

[schrader]

Shit, I'll bet.

[ Whatever, Hank didn't get any sleep, anyway! Seems legit. And maybe he could try to act more offended, or...something, but...he's actually laughing at Jesse Pinkman snoring in Crane's face. Hank's role in this post is to laugh at everybody else sassing Crane, job well done. ]

[restingstitchface]

Well. That's another colorful turn of phrase. You certainly shoot from the hip, officer.

[Shrug.]

Regardless, I suppose it's better there's words in your mouth, rather than a gun in your holster.

[schrader]

Oh I got both, but it's worse when the gun's out of the holster, mi amigo! Obviously not for fellow imPorts, of course, and definitely not for you blessed folk over at Internal Affairs! We're all team members.

Which reminds me, when you see Graham for lunch, tell him he better bring me one of those brownies after work. He owes me for a game, anyway.

[ No he doesn't actually expect Crane to tell Will anything. He just expects Will to see this. ]

[restingstitchface]

[Hank, please. Does Crane look like your errand boy?]

... I'll see what I can do.

Besides, Will and I are good friends these days.

[Keep polite. Keep cool. It makes for a better surprise.]

[schrader]

[ Messenger bird yes. ]

Hey great, maybe he can bring you to the bar one of these nights when we aren't all fighting off the black death.

I'll bet when a guy like you gets hammered, you break out into show tunes. Right? Come on.

[restingstitchface]

I believe you're greatly overestimating my capacity to stomach liquor.

I don't drink. Besides, there are other ways to have a gas. One doesn't need to drink themselves under the table to have fun.

[He says, completely serious.]

[schrader]

Fine fine, wanna be a pussy about it, you can have a Shirley Temple. At least know how to play pool? Darts? Old Maid?

[restingstitchface]

No.

I'm afraid I'm the sort of man who's married to his work.

[That's no to all of those. Don't hate Crane because he's boring, okay.]

[schrader]

[ Only one man currently targeted by Hank's adoring hatemance, and that's the shitstain that was snoring so poignantly at poor Crane further down. Better the devil you know. ]

Well no wonder that's all you can talk about. Almost feel sorry for ya, must be depressing as fuck. Maybe I'll send you that gift basket after all. You a Nietzche guy?

holla for text

[infomodder]

Just for announcing that, I'm getting you the one with the most nuts.

[By which he means: a dozen nutty brownies for Hank the Tank.]

holla for bromance

[schrader]

[ He can change to text bc he just. Doesn't care. ]

Hell yeah. They got caramel?

holla for a dolla

[infomodder]

What am I, your sugar daddy?

[This is Crane's buddy right here. This crass little fuck.]

[schrader]

What I ain't pretty enough for ya? Come on I can turn all the tricks.

[ Who isn't a complete fuck around here, let's be honest. ]

[infomodder]

It's not the same when you haven't got any hair.

[Jonathan Joestar?]

[schrader]

Bring me that caramel and I'll put on a wig and make you a new man. Gotta be gentle with me though alright I'm delicate.

Crane's not here, but he is, and he's totally stalking this

[restingstitchface]