★ 008 | Text

[unbreaker]

[Josuke's first strictly text broadcast to the network. The occasion? Well, if he's honest, human hearts weren't meant for tug-of-wars and Josuke's is exhausted from the seemingly endless pull on his at the moment. Things are much simpler if people can't see or hear his distress.

Never mind that it might be identifiable to those who know already his texting patterns, which are markedly...different from what follows on screen a moment later. For one, he rarely uses caps, and for another, the number of abbreviations that would appear if he were feeling better would be too numerous to count.]

For those who're interested, PAINTBALL is still on for tomorrow. So pay attention if you wanna play! This is what you need to know.

1. You need to be in Maurtia Falls by 7 PM at a place called All Star Parking - it's an out-of-use parking garage near the east end of town that you can't miss.


2. The game is played solo, in pairs, or in teams - it's up to you. Just remember, there'll be only one winner by the end of it.


3. Hisoka (my partner) and I got some protective gear for you, but it's first come-first serve, so you might wanna bring your own padding if you don't wanna get a little banged up.


4. Powers are allowed, but anyone caught pulling lethal stunts is gonna need a ride straight to the emergency room when I'm finished with them...I guarantee that.


5. It's 1 round played until there's only 1 person left 'standing'. You're out if you get shot 3 times - which should still be a challenge 'cause of peoples' powers.


6. Sorry, there's no prize, just the glory - but that's all a real champ needs, right?

I guess that's about it. If you're a new face around these parts and you're feeling up to playing hard with the big boys, you're more than welcome to join in. Don't expect anybody to go easy on you, though.

[In any case, that's appears to be all he has to say today about...well, anything. There's nothing to signify he's been following the network posts (even though he has been) or that he cares what's going on (he does) and that he's bothered by certain events (an understatement). In sum, his post might as well read: IT'S PLAYTIME BITCHES, GET YOUR GAME FACE ON AND PREPARE TO LOSE! ...even if he feels a lot more like calling the whole thing off and calling up his biffle for a cheesy movie night.]

Comments

permatext

[deadtective]

Oh man, a numbered and indented list of rules? You're really serious about this. We get sent to the paint gulag if we're late?

[this is probably the most oblique way of asking if he's alright, but with Hazel there is rarely any sort of moderation - it's either this or blunt and tactless. considering everyone she remotely cares about seems to have decided to have emotional episodes recently, this low energy approach seems more viable for the long term.]

[unbreaker]

I'm serious about winning, you bet.

[Which is true, but he has a multitude of reasons for having written this post the way he did, some subconscious and others not so much so.

In other words...he's dealing with how he feels. A bit poorly, but still dealing. He should be alright, right? ...if something else doesn't happen to knock him back down when he thinks he's finally climbed up out of this hole.]

Didn't think about if people show up late but I kind of figure they lose out if they do. It wouldn't be fair if they join in when some of the competition's been knocked out already.

[deadtective]

I don't know, it worked out pretty well for America during WWII.

[Hazel, you're making it REALLY OBVIOUS you watch lots of weird educational documentaries during the bleak hours of the night. stop.]

A late game ambush might be kind of fun if they decide to be super fucking dramatic about it.

[unbreaker]

I'm not American! In case you hadn't noticed!

[Gosh, Hazel, maybe watch your friends a bit MORE than those documentaries?]

And whatever, if some idiot wants to try, I guess that's up to them. They'll probably get shot in the face, though.

[deadtective]

You're here now!!! Pick you some skills!

But, I mean, isn't that the whole point? Shooting everyone in the face until they can't see anything that isn't Coral Blue or whatever.

[unbreaker]

Only skills I need are HAZEL STOMPING skills and I've got plenty already.

[...]

Anyway, yeah! I mean, that's the point, but what ISN'T is being some fucking wuss and showing up late 'cause you can't take the heat, you know?

[deadtective]

You realize that every word you type is making it more and more likely that I'm going to saw a hole in the ceiling and elbow drop you into a paint can, right.

[unbreaker]

I don't know if it's actually possible that there's a hole out there large enough to fit your big head, though...you might get stuck.

[deadtective]

I'm no longer waiting until the paintball holocaust to kick your ass.

[unbreaker]

I'M TREMBLING.

[deadtective]

I'M GOING TO BUY A CAN OF PUCE PAINT AND DO SOMETHING UNSPEAKABLE TO YOU

[unbreaker]

there are worse colors

[deadtective]

Dude, they named puce after the color a tick makes when you splat it. There's nothing worse than that.

[unbreaker]

i'm not arguing that the name isn't stupid because it is

all i'm saying is the color's not that awful

i mean it's better than...

...hold up, why am i helping you?

[deadtective]

Because I'm your best friend and you want to see me happy and satisfied with my life. C:

[unbreaker]

idk i don't mind if my bff cries like a baby as long as someone else ain't making them do it

[deadtective]

I DON'T CRY THAT MUCH STOP MAKING IT SOUND LIKE I DO

[unbreaker]

what's that? all i hear right now is weeeeeeeeeeeeh

[deadtective]

THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!!!

[unbreaker]

yes it does! it means you're whining like a baby right now! jfc hazel keep up

[deadtective]

I'm trying to stop the spread of misinformation from people who should know better. This is closer to fucking investigative journalism than babysitting!!!!!

[unbreaker]

excuse u this is not misinformation

[deadtective]

It's a seething filthy nest of lies.

[unbreaker]

i think that ur confusing this with everything that comes out of ur mouth

[deadtective]

I've got an interplanetary empire of lies, this is the baby leagues you're splashing around in.