video

[mightthinkthat]

[Francis is outside, looking like he's just a bit done. Not a hundred percent, but a bit irked all the same.] If anyone would be so kind as to help remove a rather large reptile? [He adjusts the camera angle to show off the gila monster before returning it to himself.] Better yet, whoever put it there in the first place. 

I wouldn't mind, normally. [Which is perfectly true. Sleeping lizards, albeit giant ones, aren't all that much trouble.] But it's in the way of traffic, which is awkward. [Understatement. He's getting practice of the hypnotism power, but that's a little tiring for everyone.]  

[Private to Ray Kowalski]

Oh, and on another topic, I've investigated into your residency issue. If you have the time to talk?

Comments

[video]

[wasnever]

Just eat it.

[Absolutely sound advice.]

Or put it in the bed of someone you don't like.

[mightthinkthat]

I believe you're unfamiliar with the scale of the situation.

I can't put it anywhere, I cannot leave it anywhere.

[wasnever]

Not even in your stomach?

[mightthinkthat]

[Just stares.]

[wasnever]

What? I'm sure it doesn't taste that bad!

[Not that she'd be eager to eat it.]

[mightthinkthat]

[Eating giant lizards is apparently a thing where this one comes from.] By all means, you can try to eat it if you wish. [It would probably not approve, but hey, if he can't fix the PR, then he can at least put on a show for all these people.]

[wasnever]

Nah, see, if I had it I'd have to go for the bed suggestion.

Where is it?

[mightthinkthat]

[It's entirely too big for the bed, even though he's reasonably certain (as much as you can be certain about the internal workings of reptiles of unusual size) it wouldn't mind.

He gives the address. She either see how big it is or actually try, so it's win win.]

[wasnever]

Oh. That's too far away to be worth it.

But someone's gotta want the thing, yeah?

[Maybe someone will eat it after all!

So she thinks.]

[mightthinkthat]

[He sighs.] Yes, thank you for time. Good bye. [And he's quick to disconnect.]

video; id reads Impulse

[moded]

Whoa... [is that a giant lizard iS THAT A GIANT LIZARD] Ha! Dude! That's so crash! Where is it?!

[mightthinkthat]

[No idea what crash means, but he doesn't care.]

Nonah. [Address here.]

[moded]

[Rude!!! It's only the best word ever to be invented]

HAHA! Thanks-- oh, right. Impulse. [He jabs a finger at himself, grinning wide] Is it yours? Cause I mean I think that happens sometimes there's weird chemical stuff and things can get bigger or smaller or kinda go crazy it's just napping right? Cause uuuugggghhh I don't wanna fight a giant lizard it looks way too awesome!

[mightthinkthat]

[It brings up torn metal and potentially death and injury, but sure.]

No, it's not mine. And I would be significantly more urgent if it was a rampaging animal, so I'd rather you didn't try to fight it at all.

private;

[cuff]

Gotta be someone around here who pulled reptile remover outta the job market hat.

[ But look he's here and he's- well. Yup. ] Got all the time to spare and then some.

[mightthinkthat]

Well, perhaps. [He's asked, so he's done his bit.]

It would seem they have no intention of budging on the residency issue.

[cuff]

None at all? What's up with that, they got a thing for being patriotic?

[mightthinkthat]

[He laughs, though it's a breathless sardonic laugh.] They've a thing for being in control, I fear. We're an asset to them against the Russians, you see, and they don't trust that we'll be good. Land of the Free indeed.

[cuff]

[ grumble grumble grumble ]

Cause runnin off to Canada's gonna do anything to rock some commie's world. But of course they don't trust us, not like they kidnapped us or anything. Who'd pledge their allegiences after that.

[mightthinkthat]

It's a wonderful situation all told, isn't it. [So much sarcasm. London wouldn't be the same here, but he prefers it over Nonah.]

[cuff]

Couldn't get any better. [ SIGH. His hard ass life; and here Ray didn't actully hate this place. ] Starting to actually miss home right around now.

[mightthinkthat]

Yes, I understand entirely. [Well, he doesn't miss home, really, he misses Elizabeth. But of course, he can never see her again. She killed him.]

[cuff]

But hey- I, uh. Appreciate the information fact finding. Nobody else's gotten a real, hundred percent answer so far. So that's more than I had.

[mightthinkthat]

Of course. I'm glad to help.

perma audio

[bestsword]

Holy shit! How the hell would anyone even get something that big?

[Surely pet stores around here aren't absurdly ridiculous enough to sell that. Right.]

perma audio

[mightthinkthat]

I'm sure our people will be blamed, which is why I'm here.

[bestsword]

'Our people'?

Oh right. [He's still adjusting to there being competent people around.]

Well maybe someone'll claim it. How would anyone even move something that huge?

[mightthinkthat]

ImPorts.

[He sighed.] Well, I assume someone has enhanced strength or a shrinking power or something.

[bestsword]

Gotta be someone around this crazy bin who can.

Good luck with it. Glad I'm not in that town.

[mightthinkthat]

Luck wasn't what I was asking for. [He's not exactly thrilled with that being the entire sum of help he's getting for.] But thank you.

i'm so sorry

[fuckai]

[sliiiides in]

Do us all a favor and don't fuck it.

[TEAM LEADER DUTY: DONE.]

video

[animalage]

Oh man! That guy's super cool. I can totally help you out with him.

--But in the meantime, don't eat it like that one person said. Don't. They're venomous.

[mightthinkthat]

[Eyeroll. Did you not hear the conversation you eavesdropped? He couldn't have been more condescending!]

Good of you to say. [Oh wait, that was probably more condescending.

But back to normal.] But thank you. The locals have been inconvenienced enough.

video;

[moneylogues]

Wow, okay, that's something else. What do they even feed the lizards around here? 'Cause holy shit.

[He can see why something like that would be an issue, yeah.]

Have you tried waking it?

[mightthinkthat]

Yes, it's... something. [It's a little out of his experience, hence his fascination, but it's still somewhat awkward, so he's not exactly effusive.]

I'm loathe to do that, given I have little experience of lizards, much less excessively large ones and thus have no real idea of what I would do with it should I wake it up.

[moneylogues]

I dunno, chase it away? Just saying, it'll be easier to move if it's awake.

I mean, you can't exactly push this thing out of the way. Except maybe by ramming it with a car.

[mightthinkthat]

Currently, it's not causing property damage. Waking it up and chasing it away will very likely cause it, one way or another. Harming it will likely have the same effect.

If someone had, say, enhanced strength, or an affinity for animals as their power, they might be of use.

[moneylogues]

Yeah, but at that point it's out of your way and basically not your problem anymore, right?

Or you can just sit there and wait until someone with the exact right power set comes along. I mean, if that's your idea of a fun time.

[mightthinkthat]

Wrong.

Do you have any problem solving skills at all? And if not why are you here? Because if you're trying to annoy me, you could at least come up with some new and interesting material.

[moneylogues]

Wow, lighten up a little, will you? It was just a suggestion. You don't need to start bitching.

Sorry "giant lizard transportation" isn't exactly one of my specialties. To move something like that you'll need like a... I don't know, a tow-truck or something.

[mightthinkthat]

It was a ill-conceived boneheaded comment and by all means continue making them if you really want to, but whining when I call you out on them is honestly evidence that you need to lighten up.

I didn't require you to answer. I asked the general imPort population if they could help. If you couldn't help, then you needn't have answered.

[acclimatized]

Have you tried calling animal control?

[mightthinkthat]

[You people are so damned lucky Francis is used to the utter inanity that comes with dealing with the public, you have no idea. His impatience manages not to show.]

This isn't a matter of forced perspective, you know, it really is that big. Sadly, Godzilla isn't a common visitor to these shores.

[Animal control, indeed.]

[acclimatized]

[ chill out mycroft. ]

Yeah, I can see that. They could safely relocate it though. Put it back into the wild.

[mightthinkthat]

First of all, how? As I said, they've not dealt with anything quite this size. [He doesn't enjoy repeating himself.] Secondly, there isn't exactly a wild for this. It's a giant lizard.

[acclimatized]

Alright, calm down. I'm only trying to help. Have you tried, I don't know, luring it away with something? A bit of grass to much on?

[mightthinkthat]

You're failing rather miserably, I'm afraid. [A bit of grass? And Francis is calm. Irritable, certainly, because 'trying to help' is not help.] Advice is not what I need. Actual solutions are welcome. Beyond 'grass'.