(no subject)

[walkingballpit]

[ Someone's going all selfie feed with his comm, and all that can be seen is Robbie's smiling face, the pole that he's leaning against, and the big, blue sky behind him. ]

Hang onto your garters, Heropa, because the Porter's taking another ride on the B-train. That's right, ladies, Robbie B is back on the Network for your viewing pleasure and continual amazement. You can try to mask your marvel, that's okay. I know you don't want to get flustered in public.

[ He gives the comm a wink, because it seems like the place for one. ]

I wish I could tell you that I missed you more than you missed me, but - look, if it wasn't for the fact that I wound up back at the completely not secret government HQ for the Porter, I wouldn't be sure that I hadn't hallucinated the whole "home" snippet. Then, I come to find out that I've been gone over a month?

[ Robbie blows an exasperated foo of air through barely open lips; the bonus is that it gets his hair out of his eyes.]

It is kind of lame. Next time, skip me like a hundred years in the future back home. I've been promised hydrogen cars for the common man and at least 15 different people have sworn to take over the world. What did I miss here? Don't tell me, there was a party for the new imPorts, and we were all invited and plied with food and promises for a better, brighter, bigger American tomorrow.

Was there a ticker tape explosion? I've always wanted a gen-u-ine ticker tape parade, and this atomic age retro glam - AARG is such a great acronym for this place - universe seems like the kind of place where I could get one. I need to work on that.

Comments

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[cleptes]

The last swearing in ceremony was a real gas. Pun fully intended by the way.

[She's quiet after that, awaiting his response.]

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[walkingballpit]

[ Pun fully... well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to put together what could've happened there. Gassing a crowd like that. He could be wrong, although the chance of it being his one and alternative is probably slim. ]

If they had a crew of dentists offering free caps and crowns, you should be pun-ted for that one.

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[cleptes]

[ A shrug. ]

Got my point across, didn't it?

But seriously, it was an awful night.

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[walkingballpit]

Yeah. Yeah, it did.

[ He rubs at his shoulder. ]

Who set off the gas - the government, the haters, or...?

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[cleptes]

A man by the name of Jonathan Crane. He's a psychologist.

[If that made a difference to him.]

I believe he wanted to see what would happen as a result.

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[walkingballpit]

[ Robbie starts noticeably. ]

Jonathan Crane? And he wanted to see what...

[ An awkward cringe. Man, he just collects lunatic shrinks. ]

Well, that's great. The guy's supposed to be a shrink.

[ And is therefore supposed to be worthy of a certain amount of public trust. ]

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[cleptes]

Being a shrink doesn't necessarily excuse him. But I know what you mean.

[ Crane had shown his true colours in a public manner. No coming back from that. ]

Have you heard of Crane before then?

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[buildsfriends]

Oh man, this is a great new show!

DO A BACKFLIP!

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[walkingballpit]

[ Hey, why not? Robbie grins and turns around with the comm in his hand still. His body clearly starts the backward stretching jump that starts off a back flip, and the camera goes wild for too long for a normal backflip and the feed shows the ground rushing up from twenty feet away and then... moving away again, even faster.

The motion slams to a stop, and Robbie gets the camera righted again to himself. For someone hanging on a flagpole, he's really relaxed. ]

How's that?

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[buildsfriends]

I GOT DIZZY AND I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA THROW UP!!! THAT WAS THE BEST EVER!

What else can you do?

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[walkingballpit]

[ So much enthusiasm that his tooth hurts. He's going to call you Aracely 2.0. ]

I've got a few tricks up my sleeve. On special occasions, I flip my eyelids inside out and burp the alphabet backwards.

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[buildsfriends]

That's amazing! I-I can't even say the alphabet FORWARDS!

Your new show is gonna do very, very well. Congratulations.

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[walkingballpit]

[ There's this awkward feeling that hits when Robbie realizes that, somehow, someone has taken him completely in earnest and, not only that, but gone one step further with it. He has no idea how he knows that this is sincerity, but somewhere around "I can't say it forwards" - it just is, and it's not funny if everyone's not in on the joke. He's not sarcastic at all with the response. ]

It can't be any worse than the last one was. Hey, maybe we can work on the whole alphabet thing for you.

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[notyourfathersosborn]

Hey. Is "Welcome Back" really appropriate in this situation?

[Normie can't remember if he actually saw Robbie since the whole hornet incident, but as he doesn't hold him accountable for that in the slightest, he decides to pretend that never happened.]

Trust me, dude. You got lucky that you missed the last swearing in.

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[walkingballpit]

Is 'welcome back' ever 100% appropriate? I'll take it though.

[ Pretending that nothing ever happened is all well and good with him. An apology is needed, but Robbie won't be the one to bring that mess up. ]

I hear it was fangastic and that there may or may not have been dentists, but I'm just guessing on that last bit due to outdated laughing gas jokes.

[notyourfathersosborn]

Sorry, you have to be back at least a week before you can get all metaphysical over the network.

[Commence the pretending!]

Even though I know this will sound like a bad pun, it was no laughing matter.

[walkingballpit]

Oh, come on. That's barely metaphysical. That's like, Wikipedia having an entry about Wikipedia levels of meta, physical or not.

[ He'll get around to apologizing eventually. ]

Ain't that the tooth. What happened?

[notyourfathersosborn]

Still counts.

[Smiles. A real one, not an Osborn one.]

Some crazy guy who apparently calls himself the Scarecrow released some kind of gas that had pretty much everyone hallucinating their worst fear.

[walkingballpit]

[ Robbie doesn't manage a smile. He's too busy thinking about what his worst fear looks like. It's not pretty. ]

Yeah. I'm not sorry I missed it. I... I hope everyone was okay.

[ All those powers and people hallucinating their worst fear. It's a steep hope. ]

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[sidecars]

I was promised jet packs and flying cars myself. The future is full of shit.

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[walkingballpit]

Technically, I think the only thing keeping us from having jet packs and flying cars is Certain Nerds not sharing their goodies with the world.

I mean, how hard would it be for Iron Man to put his boosters into a backpack? And Hawkeye has a flying motorcycle, that counts.

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[sidecars]

...... Alright, I don't know who this Hawkeye fella is, but don't get me started on Iron Man! That legacy has been promising flying everything since I was around and I am still not seeing 'em!

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[walkingballpit]

Oh, sometimes he makes stuff that flies.

Like the Stark Phones fly surprisingly well when you throw them out the window.

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[sidecars]

Ha! Haaa [ He likes what you did there. ] Wait, Stark makes a phone?? Why don't I have one...

God, for a billionaire he sure is a cheapskate!

[ Is that how you treat your boyfriend's best friend, Tony?? Not giving him free shit just 'cause?? So fucking rude! ]

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[walkingballpit]

[ What do all those old-timey characters say? I like the cut of your jib. Yes. That's how Robbie feels as well. ]

I don't know if he makes it here, but he certainly makes them at home.

As to why you don't have one, you'd have to ask him. I don't want to say that he thinks you can't handle it, but...

[ That is exactly the right amount of condescending that he would be.]

And yeah, he's a cheapskate. Why else would he move the Avengers into his building? He probably had them write a new IRS bylaw that lets him use it as a tax writeoff on the whole damn place.