CHAPTER ONE

[perturbator]

[The video comes in rather unfocused at first, until some noisy fiddling brings a pair of 80s style Air Jordans into view.]

There's probably other things I should be asking first, but I only have two questions right now. One: How's the weather in California this time of year?

[If this place really is different, the forecast won't be nuclear fallout. People will be there again. America might be whole again.

Quickly, the camera shifts to a small coffee table with several different newspapers strewn all over it, but with a DVD copy of Terminator 2 on top.]

Two: How the fuck do you rewind this thing?

Comments

[perturbator]

They only play music where I come from.

[You've found the most humorous guy in the room. Totally.]

I'm so sorry.

[timeshares]

These do too. We call em soundtracks.

I also apologize for him

[perturbator]

So what job they give you? Opening comedy at the titty bar?

No, it is wonderful!

[timeshares]

Someone thought putting me in charge of kids was a great idea.

Just think, whole generations guided in the ways of cheap, overly literal jokes. It's a beautiful future.

[perturbator]

The commie threat and the talking computers really make it seem that way, yeah.