✚ 001. [voice]

[puppydoctor]

[It would be really, really nice to just go one day without a reminder that none of this is normal. Like a patient noticing the glowing tattoo and looking uncomfortable. Or having a full-blown panic attack on the way to work, just because a bus passed him by.

Or a bedpan filling itself up with hot coffee on his last day of work as a nurse.]

It turns out "infinite coffee" is somehow the actual most annoying superpower ever.

[There's a shuffle and the sound of water running. He's attempting to get the worst of the coffee off of the stain, while the scalded skin underneath quickly heals itself. Another reminder.]

What's the policy on disappearing into anonymity here? 'Cause I just wanted to rest in peace, not live out a comic book. I don't even want Heaven after all this, Purgatory would be fine. I was a good Catholic kid.

[Until he stopped believing in God, committed adultery, and got divorced.]

I lived - live - to help people. I joined the army back home to help people, and that's all I want to do here, with my afterlife. But I'm tired. Death is tiring, and I just want to be Mr. Nobody who goes to work and comes home from work and gets a couple of drinks with his friends. I don't want to be a hero to anybody's world.

... But if I'm going to be, I need to know what the hell you tell yourself to keep going. I don't have anywhere to get back to. This is my only world now, and I don't know if that makes me part of it, or if I'll be an outsider forever, but I need to hear it. I know I'm not the only undead guy walking around without a purpose.

Comments

[illuminescent]

I-

[She sound upset, now.]

What do you mean, death-

[voice; private]

[puppydoctor]

[He freezes, his eyes wide. He hadn't told Lucy, he hadn't told her, and the distress in her voice makes him want to take everything back and pretend he was lying.]

... I died, back home, before I came here. I'm sorry you found out like this.

[voice; private]

[illuminescent]

But you must not-

You are so young, and so good-

[She is crying, now, it's clear - not sobs, but tiny little hiccuping noises.]

I am sorry, I do no mean to carry on so-

[She does not cry at war, she does not cry for wounds, but for her friends, she cries a lot.]

[puppydoctor]

[He hears her crying, and his heart breaks. He had mourned for the life he'd left, but not for himself. He wants to comfort her, but all he can do is look down at his lap.]

Sometimes... Sometimes accidents happen, and it doesn't matter who you are. And it's always sad, but...

I died well. I died making sure someone else lived. And it hurt, and it was awful, but I'm not sorry that I did it.

[illuminescent]

But I hope you are well-mourned.

I know it matters not in a way but in another-

I hope you were well loved, you deserve to be well-loved.

[puppydoctor]

I was. I had a lot of friends who loved me very much, but I don't want them to mourn me. I just want them to be happy. They, uh. They all deserve it. They were amazing people.

[illuminescent]

But they should mourn you. They should miss you, they should feel their hearts wounded-

I am sorry, I-

[She's quieting a bit, hiccuping. She doesn't want Athos to hear her, or find her like this.]

I am sorry. I do not mean to upset you.

[puppydoctor]

I'm not upset, Lucy. I can talk about it, or I can not talk about it, whichever you're more comfortable with. I've had a couple of months to get used to the idea, but this is the first time I've really told people. And I get that it's weird. But... I don't want to think I've left sadness behind, you know? I like to think I've left them better off.

[illuminescent]

I have known you but a short time, and I would mourn you.

Please, know, when you leave sadness behind, it is not for lack of betterment. It is the only way love can manage loss. Else we would go mad for it.

[puppydoctor]

[Behind the communicator, his face is flushing. He wants to hide under the hospital sink. He doesn't want people to feel the emptiness over him that he's felt over his father, and over...]

... I don't want them to mourn me, because someone else died that day. Another friend of mine. And she was the best- ... I knew what I was doing, when I risked my life. It was my time. But she had a whole life in front of her. She's the one that deserves to live on through them.

[illuminescent]

No.

No, please-

I'm sorry, I cannot think that it was your time, when you were so young, please.

[puppydoctor]

[He can't make himself agree with her, but he doesn't want to say anymore to make her mourn.]

... I'm so sorry, Lucy.