✚ 001. [voice]

[puppydoctor]

[It would be really, really nice to just go one day without a reminder that none of this is normal. Like a patient noticing the glowing tattoo and looking uncomfortable. Or having a full-blown panic attack on the way to work, just because a bus passed him by.

Or a bedpan filling itself up with hot coffee on his last day of work as a nurse.]

It turns out "infinite coffee" is somehow the actual most annoying superpower ever.

[There's a shuffle and the sound of water running. He's attempting to get the worst of the coffee off of the stain, while the scalded skin underneath quickly heals itself. Another reminder.]

What's the policy on disappearing into anonymity here? 'Cause I just wanted to rest in peace, not live out a comic book. I don't even want Heaven after all this, Purgatory would be fine. I was a good Catholic kid.

[Until he stopped believing in God, committed adultery, and got divorced.]

I lived - live - to help people. I joined the army back home to help people, and that's all I want to do here, with my afterlife. But I'm tired. Death is tiring, and I just want to be Mr. Nobody who goes to work and comes home from work and gets a couple of drinks with his friends. I don't want to be a hero to anybody's world.

... But if I'm going to be, I need to know what the hell you tell yourself to keep going. I don't have anywhere to get back to. This is my only world now, and I don't know if that makes me part of it, or if I'll be an outsider forever, but I need to hear it. I know I'm not the only undead guy walking around without a purpose.

Comments

[aggressiveapathy]

The crotch bulge and boob windows. Mostly.

[ Who needs in depth reasons when sarcasm works just as well? ]

[puppydoctor]

[Her answer isn't what he expected, but he laughs.]

Oh man, yeah, I hate wearing the boob windows. So exposing.

[aggressiveapathy]

Right? Like justice needs implants to work. So. Stick with the non-hero life, like us non-fetishists.

[ A beat. ]

Mm. Well. That fetish.

[puppydoctor]

Yeah. Us non-heroes are all ass guys, anyway.

[He gives her a crooked, joking smile.]

[aggressiveapathy]

Don't forget the eyebrows. Seriously important in non-superjerk attractiveness.

So. Anyway. Welcome to this purgatory, I guess.

[puppydoctor]

[He gives her a genuine smile. She reminds him of Christina, and it's so relieving that he can't be annoyed with her attitude at all. It's endearing.]

Thanks, I appreciate it. I'm George.

[aggressiveapathy]

April.

But don't be harsh on infinite coffee yet. You could totally drive Starbucks out of business. Just for fun.

[puppydoctor]

I could start a coffee monopoly, quit my hospital job... It'll be a whole new life.

[aggressiveapathy]

Villainy totally pays better.

[puppydoctor]

Hey, let's not put a name on it. Only the really lame villains actually brag about how villainous they are.

[aggressiveapathy]

Lame is probably your best entry level. We need someone that only does crime on stupid holidays again.

[puppydoctor]

Oh yeah? Well, I think I'm free on Columbus Day, but I might have to get back to you about National Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day.

[aggressiveapathy]

Finally. The world is back in order.

[puppydoctor]

Is this your job, then? Some kind of criminal mastermind?

[He's joking - she just doesn't seem the type, attitude aside.]

[aggressiveapathy]

Yes.

[puppydoctor]

Yeah? What's the most dastardly crime you've committed?

[aggressiveapathy]

I invented the Dave Mathews Band.

[puppydoctor]

[He almost chokes.]

... Are you psychic? Like, honestly.