✚ 001. [voice]

[puppydoctor]

[It would be really, really nice to just go one day without a reminder that none of this is normal. Like a patient noticing the glowing tattoo and looking uncomfortable. Or having a full-blown panic attack on the way to work, just because a bus passed him by.

Or a bedpan filling itself up with hot coffee on his last day of work as a nurse.]

It turns out "infinite coffee" is somehow the actual most annoying superpower ever.

[There's a shuffle and the sound of water running. He's attempting to get the worst of the coffee off of the stain, while the scalded skin underneath quickly heals itself. Another reminder.]

What's the policy on disappearing into anonymity here? 'Cause I just wanted to rest in peace, not live out a comic book. I don't even want Heaven after all this, Purgatory would be fine. I was a good Catholic kid.

[Until he stopped believing in God, committed adultery, and got divorced.]

I lived - live - to help people. I joined the army back home to help people, and that's all I want to do here, with my afterlife. But I'm tired. Death is tiring, and I just want to be Mr. Nobody who goes to work and comes home from work and gets a couple of drinks with his friends. I don't want to be a hero to anybody's world.

... But if I'm going to be, I need to know what the hell you tell yourself to keep going. I don't have anywhere to get back to. This is my only world now, and I don't know if that makes me part of it, or if I'll be an outsider forever, but I need to hear it. I know I'm not the only undead guy walking around without a purpose.

Comments

[coppelganger]

Now that's hot.

[puppydoctor]

I knew you'd think so, you gold-digger.

[coppelganger]

[ That's enough to make her quit kidding around, not that she'd say anything about it to him. ]

I'm 28.

[puppydoctor]

[A bit of an abrupt end, but George still just smiles into the audio feed.]

You had me going there for a minute. I think it was the "mate". Really convincing.

[coppelganger]

Oh, come on, that was nothing.

[ And then it's like her entire voice transforms, and she's suddenly speaking in a different accent (generic American/Canadian) and a different cadence, something that sounds like this. ]

What if I told you I'm not even English?

[puppydoctor]

[The shift is so complete that for a second George just blinks at the communicator.]

Woah. That's crazy. You're good!

[coppelganger]

[ She keeps the voice going, trying not to laugh and screw it up. ]

Yeah, you think? I've had a long time to practice.

[puppydoctor]

Living in Canada, you mean?

[Yes, George. That's exactly why she's good at changing her voice. All Canadians can change their voices at will.]

Oh man, it's starting to get weird.

[coppelganger]

[ Laughing and switching back to her real voice. ]

Yeah, you know, you hear something long enough and it's not hard to copy it.

[puppydoctor]

You're so good at it, though. You could be, like, a spy or something.

[coppelganger]

I'm not that good.

[puppydoctor]

Okay, maybe I'm just trying to make you smile, then.

[coppelganger]

It's working...

[puppydoctor]

[Goofy grins on this end.]

Hey, um. How would you like to grab dinner sometime? I mean, not grab, but-

... I'd like to take you out to dinner.

[coppelganger]

You want to take me out to dinner?

[puppydoctor]

Of course I do. A real dinner, with, like, real food. Not just liquor.

[coppelganger]

How fancy are we talking here?

[puppydoctor]

You won't even have to get your napkins out of a dispenser.

[coppelganger]

Wow. Well, I can't say no to that.

[puppydoctor]

I figured that right there would be the hook.

[coppelganger]

Okay. Let's do it.

[puppydoctor]

Yeah, how's this weekend? Before I start my ridiculous 36-hour shifts?

[coppelganger]

[ Gross, 36 hours at work is about 35 hours too long, in her opinion. ]

This weekend's good. Yeah.

[puppydoctor]

It's a date, then.

[ :) ]

[coppelganger]

Alright. See you then.