☠ A New 1 - Video

[heartstings]

[The video is a little dark -- it's still the early hours of the morning -- but Kenzi can be made out with her messy hair -- some leaves and twigs stuck in it. She looks calm despite her disheveled look, calm unless you get a good look at her eyes. There's a lot of rage there. A lot. Of rage.

Her lips twist for a moment before she presses them together, brow knitting as she closes her eyes and takes a breath.]

This is the last place I want to be right now. Why the hell am I here again? Why couldn't I have just stayed home? Why? Why?

Fucking why?!

I just--

I am so--

[As she speaks her voice shaking a bit, it's clear she's having trouble keeping her emotions in.]

I just need to--

[She lowers the comm as she leans forward, the video is dark as if the comm is pressed against her chest. The audio is a little muffled as Kenzi screams as loud as she possibly can. A scream that lasts for nearly a solid minute. A scream letting out some of that pent up anger and anguish that she's been holding in. The sound of something crashing can be heard, probably just some trees.

After a few moments of relative silence Kenzi's face appears again, a bit red now. She doesn't look at the comm, her eyes focused somewhere else as she raises her left hand to push back her hair. Anyone paying attention will notice a rather sizable ring on her ring finger. When she speaks again it's softer.]

I guess there's no changing anything.

[The corner of her mouth twitches as she glances back at the comm then switches off the feed.]

Comments

[heartstings]

[Silence save Kenzi breathing in deeply and slowly letting it out. She's really not that great at suppressing her emotions.]

All I really want is for the guilty one to pay. He cheated death twice already so he shouldn't be around anyway.

[glowsferatu]

But even that's only a temporary measure. It won't end with that.

Revenge is...satisfying, I won't pretend it isn't. But it's momentary, [ especially when they refuse to stay dead. ] and afterward you will still have yourself to contend with. You won't feel any less empty than you do now. Perhaps more so, no longer having that one final purpose to drive you.

[heartstings]

I'm pretty sure I'd find something else to care about after making him pay.

[glowsferatu]

[ kanaya's chuckle is humorless, bordering on bitter. ]

You may be surprised to learn that it isn't nearly so simple as you make it sound. It took me a long time before I was anything even remotely resembling okay.

And I certainly didn't manage it alone.

[heartstings]

Well, there is the possible end of the world to worry about.

Again. [It's a reoccurring thing with Bo...]

[glowsferatu]

It's funny, I think we've all been through that sort of ordeal enough that it becomes something you can discuss casually.

...At least when you aren't currently experiencing it.

[heartstings]

Yeah. This make, like, the third time I think? Second? I don't remember, between here and there it's kind of hard to keep that shit straight.

[glowsferatu]

It can be like that the first few weeks, when you've been away a while. It takes some mental sorting to determine what happened when.

Too much overlap.

[heartstings]

Never had this issue until now. I always went home for a few hours to a day at most.

[glowsferatu]

I've been back twice. Once for an hour at most, and again for two years. You can imagine which was more disorienting.

[heartstings]

Eugh, sounds like a nightmare.

[glowsferatu]

It was, but at the time I think it was a necessary nightmare. The kind that leads you to wake up.

[heartstings]

I don't feel this was necessary... [She sighs. She was just fine with the way things were before.]

[glowsferatu]

I suppose that's the difference between coming from an ordeal and coming from its aftermath. I was granted my resolution. You have yet to see it.

[heartstings]

Yeah... [And that's it, she's out of things to say which is uncommon for Kenzi.]

[glowsferatu]

And when I say "my resolution" I'm not referring to my revenge. They were separate incidents entirely, and I'd already fulfilled the first when I initially arrived.

It sounds trite now, but you'll be surprised the effect time can have. You'll just have to let it.