05 | text | backdated to nov 4

[deadtective]

[anyone who's been unfortunate enough to have Hazel stumble through their inbox in recent hours may have an inkling as to what this post is about. everyone else...good luck, sorry.]

I don't actually have a goddamn thing to say to any of you people. I'm just making this post because I can.

I mean, shit, look at me. Typing up a post! With legible sentences!! Completely fucking coherent without a single goddamn mistyped word to be found! Spellcheck couldn't keep up with me if it wanted to, my fingers are flying across the keys so fast.

And do you know why? Because I fucking won. I blasted those goddamn moon runes and their bullshit back into Jupiter's orbit where they belong. Somebody WHO KNOWS EXACTLY WHO HE IS tried to bring me down with that alien garbage and he couldn't do it!!! Nobody can fucking beat me. Nobody.

Fuck!! I feel like I should be building a tower out of Webster's dictionaries and planting an American flag at the top or something. At the very least I should go price that shit out; just being able to read all these webpages again is making me cry.

[for someone who 'didn't have a goddamn thing to say' she sure is excitedly rambling. that point is lost on Hazel, unfortunately.]

Comments

[iamtetsuo]

ADORABLE?! What the hell are you talking about?!

[Do you dare share this with the class, Hazel]

[deadtective]

Dude, you don't need to pretend anymore! I know you've been calling me 'hazel tree' because you can't actually say my name. It's fucking precious.

[looks like the funeral happening today...will be for Tetsuo's dignity.]

[iamtetsuo]

Wh - .........

....

IT'S NOT PRECIOUS!

[deadtective]

ハシバミ, right? I wrote it down before they switched languages back - it even looks cute!!

[iamtetsuo]

THAT'S JUST HOW YOU WRITE IT!!!

[Deny deny deny deny deny-]

[deadtective]

Well, how do you say it, then? You're the expert here.

[iamtetsuo]

I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU! YOU ALREADY KNOW IT!

[DENY INTENSIFIES]

[deadtective]

But how would I know if you haven't been saying it over and over to me before..?

[iamtetsuo]

I'VE SAID YOUR STUPID FUCKING NAME BEFORE!

[Has he though has he ever]

[deadtective]

I'm starting to question that, honestly.

[iamtetsuo]

I HAVE!!

[deadtective]

But could you do it again, though?

[iamtetsuo]

I-

Only if I want to!

[deadtective]

Only if you want to? What, does the moon have to be waxing full and I have to slaughter a baby lamb at your door to get you in the mood?

[iamtetsuo]

No!

[Though if she does that that'll be all sorts of questions he can't even begin to figure out answers to]

Who the fuck does that shit?

[deadtective]

I've got a list about a fucking mile long of people at home. You really want an answer to that?

[iamtetsuo]

YOU- you what? Don't mess with me!

[When Tetsuo thinks something's kinda messed up...]

[deadtective]

I'm not fucking around this time! How many times do I have to tell you that the supernatural shitbags from home are assholes for you to get it?

[iamtetsuo]

[Wild topic change appeared!]

Go on, remind me!

[deadtective]

There was a cult of mages who'd made a contract with an eldritch horror to buff their powers. To keep their end of the bargain and to power up a big summoning array to bring it into this world someday they'd been sacrificing people in the same house for hundreds of years. Some of the mages went mad and they sealed them up alive in the house's columns so the thing could feed off their magic and insanity.

Remember yet?

[IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE]

[iamtetsuo]

[Holy shit that actually worked. Haha. HAHAHAHA MAKE HIM SAY YOUR STUPID ASS NAME NOW HAZEL HAHAHAAH HAHAHAHA HE WINS]

And you call ME the alien!

[deadtective]

They're not aliens, they're monsters. There's a difference.

To all aliens or monsters listening to this, humble apologies

[iamtetsuo]

[AHAHAHA SUCK IT WHO'S DEFENSIVE NOW HUH]

There's literally no difference! None!

do you mean like the one he's talking to right now

[deadtective]

[SHE'S NOT EVEN DEFENSIVE SHE'S ARGUING A PHILOSOPHICAL POINT THAT IS CORE TO HER VERY EXISTENCE]

You haven't met any, then.

one day he'll learn this

[iamtetsuo]

Oh, but I have...

[he's not even lying.]