05 | text | backdated to nov 4

[deadtective]

[anyone who's been unfortunate enough to have Hazel stumble through their inbox in recent hours may have an inkling as to what this post is about. everyone else...good luck, sorry.]

I don't actually have a goddamn thing to say to any of you people. I'm just making this post because I can.

I mean, shit, look at me. Typing up a post! With legible sentences!! Completely fucking coherent without a single goddamn mistyped word to be found! Spellcheck couldn't keep up with me if it wanted to, my fingers are flying across the keys so fast.

And do you know why? Because I fucking won. I blasted those goddamn moon runes and their bullshit back into Jupiter's orbit where they belong. Somebody WHO KNOWS EXACTLY WHO HE IS tried to bring me down with that alien garbage and he couldn't do it!!! Nobody can fucking beat me. Nobody.

Fuck!! I feel like I should be building a tower out of Webster's dictionaries and planting an American flag at the top or something. At the very least I should go price that shit out; just being able to read all these webpages again is making me cry.

[for someone who 'didn't have a goddamn thing to say' she sure is excitedly rambling. that point is lost on Hazel, unfortunately.]

Comments

[text]

[iamtetsuo]

what the hell are you talking about

[because if it's about what HE did then we're about to have all the problems, Hazel, ALL OF THEM]

[deadtective]

You know exactly what I'm talking about, you little shit.

[GET READY FOR PROBLEM TOWN, POPULATION: THESE LOSERS]

[iamtetsuo]

moon runes

text;

[helpline]

There's no such thing as moon runes.

[ because that's the important thing to take out of this conversation. ]

[deadtective]

You didn't get a close look at my comm, then.

[helpline]

Does this relate to the nearly incomprehensible text I got from you earlier? That wasn't in moon runes either.

text;

[unbreaker]

cant believe im gonna say this but i gotta agree with forehead guy on this 1

idek how u even come up with shit like moon runes

[deadtective]

YOU HAVE NO OPINION HERE

ESPECIALLY IF THE NONEXISTENT OPINION IS ALSO TETSUO'S

[unbreaker]

im pretty sure thats not how it works

[ text ]

[enucleation]

What are you taking about?

[deadtective]

I beat the dumbass aliens trying to get me down, Kaneki. I fucking did it and he's mad as hell about it.

[CONTEXT, HAZEL. STOP PROLONGING THIS AWFUL JOKE.]

[enucleation]

[ god hazel you are a mess ]

I will need context to understand what you mean.

[text]

[rassera]

whatd tetsuo do

[Because we both know it's Tetsuo, Hazel and honestly he wants to know because this could be fucking groundbreaking. Tetsuo NEVER has the upper hand on shit like this he wants to know if his baby brother's starting to be a shitposter or not.]

[deadtective]

Fucking nothing now, that's what.

[you're going to have to work for this information or become an amazing extractor of context clues from the original post, Kaneda, because Hazel's high on her own nonexistent victory right now.]

[rassera]

>oh so it was a landslide victory huh

what did he beat you at a game or something


kick your ass so badly that you cant even pop up at the house as often is that where youve been do i have to arrange playdates

text;

[fuorilegge]

[Firo stubbornly refused to use his comm for the first while but now that he is it's been like... this. And salmon. Why.]

won wat

[deadtective]

[WELCOME TO THE NETWORK YE OLDE TIMEY KID]

Everything that matters.

Text

[restingstitchface]

Spelling is separate to grammar and punctuation, you realize? Nouns, pronouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs all play their part in the structure of the English language. That's grammar.

Punctuation is used to create sense and clarity in sentences. It is vital to disambiguate their meaning. Periods, commas, exclamation marks and the hyphen and the dash.

I see no clarity in your message.

[Yeah, he's going there. You wanna fight?]

[deadtective]

Sorry, were you trying to say something? Can't understand a thing in your message, must've switched the languages back again by accident.

[she has got zero time for your bullshit, come at her]

[timecapture]

Is typing like this a big deal for you or something?

[deadtective]

Today it is.

text;

[maime]

[Maine's only directly interacted with Hazel once before, but based on that time and this, there's one possible conclusion he can draw;]

so are you just agitated about something all the time?

[deadtective]

[he's not even wrong, really.]

Only when there's something worth being agitated about.

text

[dumbfound]

What kind of aliens?

[ Asking the clearly important questions. ]

[deadtective]

Off one of Jupiter's moons, I figure.