05 | text | backdated to nov 4

[deadtective]

[anyone who's been unfortunate enough to have Hazel stumble through their inbox in recent hours may have an inkling as to what this post is about. everyone else...good luck, sorry.]

I don't actually have a goddamn thing to say to any of you people. I'm just making this post because I can.

I mean, shit, look at me. Typing up a post! With legible sentences!! Completely fucking coherent without a single goddamn mistyped word to be found! Spellcheck couldn't keep up with me if it wanted to, my fingers are flying across the keys so fast.

And do you know why? Because I fucking won. I blasted those goddamn moon runes and their bullshit back into Jupiter's orbit where they belong. Somebody WHO KNOWS EXACTLY WHO HE IS tried to bring me down with that alien garbage and he couldn't do it!!! Nobody can fucking beat me. Nobody.

Fuck!! I feel like I should be building a tower out of Webster's dictionaries and planting an American flag at the top or something. At the very least I should go price that shit out; just being able to read all these webpages again is making me cry.

[for someone who 'didn't have a goddamn thing to say' she sure is excitedly rambling. that point is lost on Hazel, unfortunately.]

Comments

[unbreaker]

u slept?

[deadtective]

Well, I mean, 'slept'. I've been trying that deep meditation shit and it turns out it's pretty similar? I get the breathing pattern down and I drift right off.

[unbreaker]

oh
thats pretty cool

[deadtective]

Yeah, it's nice. Except that's totally when he fucked with my comm, so maybe I should just drop it anyway.

[unbreaker]

well i mean u dont gotta drop it totally
i wouldnt mess up ur comm or nothing

[deadtective]

Are you saying you want to come over and watch me nap?

[unbreaker]

sadkfadsjgh i didnt say id be watching u or nething what kinda weirdo do u thnk i am!

[deadtective]

Do you really want an answer to that?

[ah, but she's been pretty mean to him so far, hasn't she. she won't drag this one out as much.]

But if you want to cuddle that bad I might even be able to be persuaded to let you on the bed.

[unbreaker]

im not saying i dont want that

but thats all im saying

[deadtective]

Hey, well, you said it yourself. You've got a key to my place.

[unbreaker]

ya but i mightve actually asked kanaya to go 2 the zoo with me already

[deadtective]

[he actually went and asked that, just to try and return fire in the jealousy war..? Hazel can't help it, she giggles. thank god for the text function.]

Oh my god, you loser. What did you think was gonna happen with that?

[she should probably leave it at that. but...]

Well, there's always later if the tigers don't maul you. I don't get any actual sleep, remember?

[unbreaker]

[He went and did exactly that. Yep.]

idk that shed say yes and id get to take my godegg out to the zoo?

but uh...if i do wind up going, u sure ur okay with me swinging by after? ur not gonna throw something at my head for walking in late?

[deadtective]

Well, I'm not going to rule it completely out, just in case...but the odds are looking pretty good that I won't, as long as you look sorry enough.

[unbreaker]

i can do that

ill put on my best sorry face and be there in a little bit then

[deadtective]

Yeah, you fucking better be. I do actually miss you when you're not around, believe it or not.

[there, look, she managed to spit that one out. it's not so hard, is it? Hazel just needs to ignore the wave of complete mortification that rolls over her immediately after hitting send, that's all. super simple.]

[unbreaker]

i might miss u 2

maybe
a little
sometimes


neway! ill see u in a bit!

[deadtective]

Dumbass.

[and that's it, but it's a very fond 'dumbass'. at this point Hazel actually hopes it takes Josuke a little longer to show up, because she needs all the time she can eke out to get over how mortifyingly awful she was to him on this post. can she just pull her head off and bury it somewhere because that is a way better option than continuing to live after all the bullshit she let slip out.]