4 - voice

[lackey]

[Mike's first audio network post is a little noisy: there's a busy road somewhere near him and, every once in a while, a small-sounding dog barks.]

Lost another month, last month. Hear 'bout that happenin' a lot. Good thing, though. If you didn't know it was happenin' to other people, too, might start thinkin' that you were goin' nuts. Or that the government was screwin' with you. Or that you got abducted by aliens... After gettin' abducted by the god machine. That'd be somethin'.

Anyway.

I was gonna ask what happened last month, but I figured I could just guess what happened. So, guessin' now.

[He clears his throat, coughs lightly.]

Last month! October? Starts out real quiet, just like it is now. Then, around the middle of the month, the Russians show up. I mean, show up. Like in boats. You ever see that movie with the guys? The guys wearin' short shorts and capes? There were like 200 or 400 of 'em or something. But in the movie, the big enemy army all showed up in boats. The guys look out at the ocean and it's like shit, that's a lot of boats. That's how it was last month. With the Russians.

Then there's a big battle, right? US soldiers and heroes versus Russians. And it lasts like a week? No, two weeks. Two weeks for sure. Total bloodbath. People dyin' all over. The soldiers and you heroes are puttin' up one hell of a fight, but the Russians keep comin'. There's just so many of 'em and it turns out they've got those power-blockin' things?

By the end of the month, they're winnin'. They're winnin' and they're about to take over.

[A pause for effect.]

Why don't they? 'Cause a hero stops 'em. He gets clear of their uh... blockin' things... And this hero has like... You ever see that other movie about the guy with the, uh... knife thing? Full of sand? Magic sand? And that guy could rewind time with his magic sand knife? That's what this hero did. Except like a power instead of a knife. Or maybe he had that knife? Or a similar knife? Don't know if the movie was based on a true story or not. Probably not. Sometimes they do that, they tell you it's based on a true story and they're lyin'...

But yeah. That's my guess. Which means it's not November now, it's still October, and you guys probably only have a couple days before the Russians show up again? Kinda sucks, if I'm right. I'd keep an eye out for those boats if I were you.

Comments

[chancetoatone]

I am green, yes, and smaller in stature than most human men.

[lackey]

Huh! Never woulda guessed. I was thinkin' you were more... More... Somethin' else. Don't know what I was thinkin'. But not green and short. Wonder if you're shorter than me. I'm shorter than most human men, too! Taller than a lot of girls, though, still.

Hey, you got the big head and eyes, too?

[chancetoatone]

That question is relative, Mike, but I'll let you decide.

[And with that, Thane enables the video feed. His expression is even, if a little curious and expectant.]

[lackey]

Whoa... [Mike's quiet for a second after that.] Dude. You're cool-lookin'. [Another pause.] But... But no, you don't look like... What they say those men look like. Those guys, they're... all head and eyes. Tiny bodies. You're really cool-lookin'. Badass.

[chancetoatone]

I look "bad-ass" by nature of my species? [He blinks with two sets of eyelids.] Interesting.

[He pauses then, looking thoughtful.] I don't know of a species that fits that description.

[lackey]

You do! You look like you could totally wreck somebody. And I mean that in a good way.

Maybe the little green men are from somewhere else. Or they keep to themselves. When they're not pokin' at people.

[chancetoatone]

Ah. [He makes a motion with his hand. Mike might notice the second and third fingers on that hand seem to be fused together.] That is because I can.

[A single chuckle.] Perhaps so.

[lackey]

[Mike notices all right. Just what else is different about this guy? ... Mike suspects he's probably better off not knowing.]

Right, right, you did say you... deal with intruders. As a job. You still doin' that?

[chancetoatone]

[A nod.]

I am, though it doesn't involve death. [That's not to say other jobs I've done didn't. This one just...doesn't.]

[lackey]

It doesn't? Just arrest then? Or black eyes and broken noses?

[chancetoatone]

Normally, it doesn't come to blows.

[He...sort of misses the violence, honestly.]

[lackey]

That's good! Or... really boring.

[It does sound kind of boring, in Mike's opinion.]

[chancetoatone]

Boring? Perhaps. I've brought enough darkness into the galaxy, though.

[lackey]

Darkness?

[chancetoatone]

Yes. Not literally.

[He pauses.]

I am an assassin.

[lackey]

An assassin... Oh. That's killin' people for a living.

[chancetoatone]

[Really.] Yes, Mike. That is correct.

[lackey]

[He's just trying to wrap his head around this fully.

He knows an assassin.

He knows a real assassin.]

Damn... That's really cool, man...

[chancetoatone]

Cool? Perhaps. My son seems to think so. [He pauses.] It's not a path I wish for him.

[lackey]

Yeah... I can see not wantin' your kid in that line of work. Even if it is cool. Sneakin' around, takin' people out from the shadows... You a gun guy or a knife guy or a bare hands guy? Or maybe a... some other weapon I've never heard of guy?

[chancetoatone]

Different species are more easily killed in different ways, though I prefer close-quarters.

For instance, the quickest way to kill a human is through an eye-socket. The skull is most thin, there.

[lackey]

[oh.]

... Uh-huh? I mean... Well, yeah. Through the eye. Yeah, for sure. Eyeball and then... right through... Hello, brain! ... Yeah.

[chancetoatone]

Forgive me, Mike. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

[lackey]

No, no, I'm not... I'm not uncomfortable. I'm good. It's just murder, no biggie.

[chancetoatone]

We all die, Mike. I do my best to assure my targets do so painlessly.