4 - voice

[lackey]

[Mike's first audio network post is a little noisy: there's a busy road somewhere near him and, every once in a while, a small-sounding dog barks.]

Lost another month, last month. Hear 'bout that happenin' a lot. Good thing, though. If you didn't know it was happenin' to other people, too, might start thinkin' that you were goin' nuts. Or that the government was screwin' with you. Or that you got abducted by aliens... After gettin' abducted by the god machine. That'd be somethin'.

Anyway.

I was gonna ask what happened last month, but I figured I could just guess what happened. So, guessin' now.

[He clears his throat, coughs lightly.]

Last month! October? Starts out real quiet, just like it is now. Then, around the middle of the month, the Russians show up. I mean, show up. Like in boats. You ever see that movie with the guys? The guys wearin' short shorts and capes? There were like 200 or 400 of 'em or something. But in the movie, the big enemy army all showed up in boats. The guys look out at the ocean and it's like shit, that's a lot of boats. That's how it was last month. With the Russians.

Then there's a big battle, right? US soldiers and heroes versus Russians. And it lasts like a week? No, two weeks. Two weeks for sure. Total bloodbath. People dyin' all over. The soldiers and you heroes are puttin' up one hell of a fight, but the Russians keep comin'. There's just so many of 'em and it turns out they've got those power-blockin' things?

By the end of the month, they're winnin'. They're winnin' and they're about to take over.

[A pause for effect.]

Why don't they? 'Cause a hero stops 'em. He gets clear of their uh... blockin' things... And this hero has like... You ever see that other movie about the guy with the, uh... knife thing? Full of sand? Magic sand? And that guy could rewind time with his magic sand knife? That's what this hero did. Except like a power instead of a knife. Or maybe he had that knife? Or a similar knife? Don't know if the movie was based on a true story or not. Probably not. Sometimes they do that, they tell you it's based on a true story and they're lyin'...

But yeah. That's my guess. Which means it's not November now, it's still October, and you guys probably only have a couple days before the Russians show up again? Kinda sucks, if I'm right. I'd keep an eye out for those boats if I were you.

Comments

[mightthinkthat]

That's exactly what happened.

[lackey]

I knew it! ... Wait, you mean you remember all that? Are you the time rewindin' hero guy?

[mightthinkthat]

[ He rolls his eyes, though which was the greater offender between not noticing sarcasm or 'time rewinding hero guy' is unclear. ] Is there a specific person here with that august title?

voice;

[textualhealing]

[What is this even...]

300. And Prince of Persia.

[lackey]

[Long, slow day dealing drugs. Possibly also doing drugs.]

Oh, yeah. First one was good. Second was okay. Coulda been better.

[textualhealing]

Second one sucked when you compare it to the game. And it sucked pretty hard when you compare it to any other movie in existence too.

You ready to don you short shorts and cape and take on the Russians, Mike?

voice;

[5055034455]

Now that is one epic and entertaining guess as to what's been goin' on here. Unfortunately — or, uh, fortunately — I can't confirm this version myself, on account of also having just shown up back here. Except in my case, I missed close to a year — unless you count my younger self showing up during the summer.

[Saul huffs out a laugh. It's almost like you can hear him shaking his head in confusion over that whole thing. Still.]

Mike Parker. Hello again.

[not here]

[kingpawn]

[ Oh. Hey, Saul. What's up? Walt has been watching this post for other reasons, so imagine his surprise when his ol' buddy, ol' pal shows up all grown up once again.

Well. Good to. Fucking know.

He opts not to address him and instead uses this as the gauge that will, once and for all determine Jesse's loyalty. Just how long will it take him to tell Walt? Or will he even do so at all?

Ball is in Jesse's court, and the clock is ticking. ]

[not here]

[lackey]

[Jesus, go smoke a bowl, Boss. Crash on a comfy couch and light one up. Or go find somebody to torture to death! Just get it out of your system and get on with your afterlife, man.]

[lackey]

[Mike just about gasps.]

Hey! Dude! You! I remember you! Welcome back, man. Shit, you were gone a long time. [Absence makes... Mike Parker significantly less wary of you.] That's crazy, the younger you thing.

[5055034455]

[Mike's reaction has nothing on Cass's hug, but it makes Saul grin anyway. Mike can probably hear it in his voice.]

I know, right? But that's par for the course here, I guess. How you been?

( audio )

[chancetoatone]

I'm sure we all appreciate the warning about the boats.

[He pauses for a moment. Something early in this transmission had caught his attention.]

Why would aliens abduct you?

[lackey]

Nah, I don't think people believe me. But that's okay. It was just a guess! ... And I'll get to say 'I told you so' when I'm right later.

[Sure, Mike, sure.]

Why did the god machine lady abduct us all? I don't think anybody knows for sure. Same thing with aliens. Never really know what they're up to. Maybe they're curious and just tryin' to learn about people when they grab 'em. Or maybe they already know everything about people and they're just sendin' their kids to pick up people for alien school projects. Your guess is as good as mine. Might even be better than mine. By a little bit.

[chancetoatone]

...in my own world, we "aliens" had no concern for your people until they entered the Galactic stage, Mike.

voice

[hsalf]

That was the exact opposite of what happened last month. The worst of it was a bunch of people screaming about the red scare, and every food and drink you could imagine was being converted into being pumpkin flavored.

[Truly a hellish experience.]

I'm sure we'll be fine when the boats come, but thank you for the insight.

[lackey]

Pumpkin-flavored everything...? [The actual ew goes unspoken, but you can hear it pretty clearly in his tone there.] Maybe you're not rememberin' things right. Maybe your memories got all... messed up when time went backward.

Happy I could help either way. Gotta be ready around here.

[hsalf]

No, no. My memories are quite clear. Pumpkin spice lattees, pumpkin-flavored cereal, pumpkin-flavored cookie butter spread. Think I saw pumpkin-flavored milk somewhere.

[tucky]

Yeah, you're right! That's just what happened.

You better be careful, 'cause you're gonna have to fight 'em this month, too.

[lackey]

... What? No. No no no. No. I can't fight 'em.

[tucky]

Yeah? Why not?

voice

[enustari]

You should pitch this as next year's summer blockbuster.

[lackey]

Why bother? They're gonna make a big movie about it after it happens, anyway. And if the Russians win, it'll be all rah-rah Russia. Look at all our awesome boats, look at our army kickin' ass! Only in a Russian accent. Can't do that accent.

[enustari]

They'd probably just do the whole thing in Russian. Fuck us if we can't understand it.

[quantifies]

I do not believe aliens would abduct you. Science aliens are the most likely to do so, and they do not presently exist in this dimension.

[lackey]

Science aliens. Makes sense. How do you know there aren't any of those guys here, though?