4 - voice

[lackey]

[Mike's first audio network post is a little noisy: there's a busy road somewhere near him and, every once in a while, a small-sounding dog barks.]

Lost another month, last month. Hear 'bout that happenin' a lot. Good thing, though. If you didn't know it was happenin' to other people, too, might start thinkin' that you were goin' nuts. Or that the government was screwin' with you. Or that you got abducted by aliens... After gettin' abducted by the god machine. That'd be somethin'.

Anyway.

I was gonna ask what happened last month, but I figured I could just guess what happened. So, guessin' now.

[He clears his throat, coughs lightly.]

Last month! October? Starts out real quiet, just like it is now. Then, around the middle of the month, the Russians show up. I mean, show up. Like in boats. You ever see that movie with the guys? The guys wearin' short shorts and capes? There were like 200 or 400 of 'em or something. But in the movie, the big enemy army all showed up in boats. The guys look out at the ocean and it's like shit, that's a lot of boats. That's how it was last month. With the Russians.

Then there's a big battle, right? US soldiers and heroes versus Russians. And it lasts like a week? No, two weeks. Two weeks for sure. Total bloodbath. People dyin' all over. The soldiers and you heroes are puttin' up one hell of a fight, but the Russians keep comin'. There's just so many of 'em and it turns out they've got those power-blockin' things?

By the end of the month, they're winnin'. They're winnin' and they're about to take over.

[A pause for effect.]

Why don't they? 'Cause a hero stops 'em. He gets clear of their uh... blockin' things... And this hero has like... You ever see that other movie about the guy with the, uh... knife thing? Full of sand? Magic sand? And that guy could rewind time with his magic sand knife? That's what this hero did. Except like a power instead of a knife. Or maybe he had that knife? Or a similar knife? Don't know if the movie was based on a true story or not. Probably not. Sometimes they do that, they tell you it's based on a true story and they're lyin'...

But yeah. That's my guess. Which means it's not November now, it's still October, and you guys probably only have a couple days before the Russians show up again? Kinda sucks, if I'm right. I'd keep an eye out for those boats if I were you.

Comments

[lackey]

[Long, slow day dealing drugs. Possibly also doing drugs.]

Oh, yeah. First one was good. Second was okay. Coulda been better.

[textualhealing]

Second one sucked when you compare it to the game. And it sucked pretty hard when you compare it to any other movie in existence too.

You ready to don you short shorts and cape and take on the Russians, Mike?

[lackey]

Right, right... That was one of those game movies. Haven't played many games... Haven't played any games. Got to hold one of those controller things at a friend's house once. Belonged to his kid?

I thought it was an okay movie, though. [It had a little violence in it, that's all he needs to be happy.]

And no. I don't do short shorts. Or capes. Or fightin' the Russians. Just wanted to give other people a heads-up. You know... in case I'm right.

[textualhealing]

Yeah, real thoughtful of you.

[But something strikes him as incredibly woeful; the fact Mike hasn't played games. Gaming is a way of life, yo, how can he not?]

Hey, you should come over and try out the Xbox sometime.

[lackey]

The Xbox?

[textualhealing]

It's a games console. To play games on. Grandpa.

[lackey]

Hey... I knew that. I was just askin'... Uh... Like... See, people usually call it somethin' else where I'm from? They call it the uh... Uh, the... [HUFFsigh.] Fuck it. Where is it? Your office?

[textualhealing]

[Yeah, he totally believes that.]

Sure, it can be at my office. I mean it's in the house right now, but... I can take it to the office.

[lackey]

I can't go to the house, so... office. If it's not a lot of work or whatever. I know they're not big machines, but don't they got a lot of cords and stuff? In the back? I think the one I saw did.

[textualhealing]

Like... two. Not exactly a lot. But sweet! Let's do this. You stop by the office in the next few evenings and I'll totally have it set up. We can drink, game and totally not have awkward conversations about feelings. Cool?

[lackey]

Cool... I guess. [Except it feels kind of... wrong. Like he's been tricked into drinking with Jeff again. And he was just pissed at this guy! Really pissed! ... Oh well. At least there won't be any awkward conversations about feelings. Those are the worst.] Need me to bring anything?

[textualhealing]

[This is totally tricking Mike into having drinks with him again, except it's barely even tricking considering he outright offered drinks. Poor, easily confused Mike.]

Just yourself. And maybe some plant life if you got any going spare, buuuut that's less important. [Chilling the fuck out is always a good idea though.]

[lackey]

Yeah, sure.

[He might be dumber than a bag of rocks, but he does share his weed...]

If it's just gonna be us.

[... With some people.]

[textualhealing]

[Dumb bros who share weed are the best kind of bros.]

I'm not gonna pull a surprise party on you or anything, Mike, relax. After hours everyone will have gone home, alright? Me and you, that's all it's gonna be. You always gotta be so paranoid?

[lackey]

I'm not paranoid! I'm just... careful.

[textualhealing]

You don't need to be careful around me, I don't bite. Usually.

[lackey]

Everybody bites. Sooner or later.

[textualhealing]

That's when you get a rolled up newspaper and smack 'em on the nose. It's no biggie.

[lackey]

... Rolled up newspaper.

[textualhealing]

Yeah, a newspaper. It's how people found out the news before the Internet was invented.

[lackey]

Oh, you meant newspaper when you said newspaper. Thought maybe you meant gun.

[textualhealing]

Why would I mean gun?!

[lackey]

I don't know. Sometimes people use one word when they really mean another word. Gun's what I would use. And the barrel's kind of like a rolled up newspaper? Only real skinny.

[textualhealing]

Mike. No. Bad dog, don't use a gun.

[lackey]

Knife?