JANUARY 10TH, 2016

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 10TH, 2016

GOOD TO BE SELFLESS
As seen initially on all major news networks, then on the RSS feeds of news sites:
The gala event of the season was sixty-five million years in the making. Sorry, that's 3.5 billion. The history of life on Earth was on display at De Chima, featuring appearances by some of prehistory's most famous faces. But it was a real, baby T. rex that stole the show, and the hearts of those present. Funds raised by the event benefitted SELF, a new organization providing help to non-humans.

HE'S GOT GAME
As seen on Lulzfeed, Rumblr, BlueTube, everywhere!:
Do you follow Agito and Hiro? Do you like twenty-four hours GAMING LIVESTREAMS? DO YOU SUPPORT CHARITY? Then good news! Agito and Hiro, technologically savvy imPorts, have already played to fundraise (a la Extra Life) on the 1st to raise money for the Heropa Health Clinic.

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE
As seen on reporting from national news television, international news cycles, newsprint, amateur BlueTube videos mostly of the green fog descending, botanists discussing the jungle that had replaced Heropa:
Crisis had struck dear Heropa on the day of January 2nd 2016. We thought we could at least have some relative peace in the new year but it only took one day before an incident struck. On the 2nd imPorts were alerted to another imPort causing trouble. What appeared to be a criminal running a rampage turned far worse. A heavy green fog would roll in that day and consume all of Heropa. Many of the citizens and some of the local imPorts were lost inside the fog but the fog was not the only unwelcoming and ominous thing that took place.

When the fog lifted Heropa no longer stood the marvel that we all knew. Instead a jungle took it's place and one can only describe it as a frightening sight. Clearly the work of an imPort had been at hand. Only but a few hours later did we receive a video that revealed the cause of the jungle landscape, one that we dare not show. In short, it had turned out that someone we thought a hero was merely wearing a mask to hide darker intentions. Many would know him as a sprightly character from fiction, one we all grew up with and loved, but instead has proven to be more sinister than we realized. His name, is Peter Pan.

Many imPorts gathered to the edge of the Jungle to thwart whatever spell he had cast and didn't return for four days. On the sixth of January on lookers outside of what could be considered Peter Pan's twisted Neverland saw a golden light spread out from the center of the jungle and like it had never happened, Heropa stood once more.

The locals who had been trapped in Neverland had this to say. "We were trapped, not just inside there but in our own heads. We didn't remember anything about ourselves, but this warped nightmare we were made to think we lived. I don't remember much of it but it was just horrible. The things I saw, the things I did..."
More people commented that it was like some mass brainwashing, that made them do Pan's bidding or worse: be his play things for his brainwashed mass. It can only be described as insidious. Formerly cursed witnesses had said some people had actually died inside the jungle, though the proof of that is still unclear. Ongoing investigations are looking into finding some of the missing people that were inside Pan's Neverland.

In related news, officials believe that in a string of kidnappings that have happened in Maurtia Falls was done by none other than Pan himself. Care takers of some of these children often commented that before the victim was taken they would often speak of a figure playing pan pipes, something that Peter himself is known for. There is no trace of these missing children yet but we are assured that they will be looking into this.

We are still looking from comments from the brave imPorts who thwarted such an evil but we remain here to ask; Where is Peter Pan now? Is he alive? Do we have to fear another curse?

OUT OF YOUR SIGHT
As heard on international air waves:
The girl that Moscow claimed to be Lachesis is now missing.

OUT OF YOUR MIND
As seen in the 24-hour national news cycle:
Moscow has been issuing threats against imPorts. They claim that unnamed imPorts have made attempts against the native human they claim to be Lachesis, and now they have finally succeeded in their plot. The Secretary of State to the US has issued this statement: "Moscow does not have Lachesis, and our imPorts have made no move against this fable. This is but base propaganda intended to spark tension."

But word from Moscow is adamant. ImPorts will pay.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from PLUM to STYGIAN BLUE because of Pan's antics. Thanks, Pan.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

[akito]

Because it's so easy for ImPorts to sneak out of the U.S. and across the oceans to infiltrate Moscow and kidnap a child.
Meanwhile I can barely make it from Florida to Virginia without security having a fit.

[Video]

[timeshares]

So, I'm just going to start the good old fashioned disclaimer train... That was not me.

[Not that he hadn't been seriously considering offering to go check out the rumors.]

also video

[abandon_hope]

... Castellan ...

[timeshares]

What? Preemptive disavowal is a time honored tradition for Eleven. I'm just keeping up with it.

By the way, you don't look any better than I do. The code is even in your color.

[abandon_hope]

Stygian blue is not a real color.

[Video]

[quaerit]

[ Jesus Christ, Luke. ]

I hope you realize that I didn't think it was before you said that.

[timeshares]

Come on, like it's any worse than the parade of "like we can leave!" I'm watching.

[quaerit]

Honestly, if I were Russian, I'd be assuming the same thing. Providing any part of it is true, of course.

I'm more worried about what they'll do about it.

[ Remember how he doesn't want to be in a war? Yeah, he still doesn't want to be in a war, and it's looking more and more likely. ]

[Text]

[sleight_of_hand]

Oh sure.

Because if I could travel overseas so easily, the exact place I'm going to go is somewhere stupidly cold to kidnap some kid.

video

[ringen]

[ This. This is the face of someone who's pretty much Done with Cold War bullshit, both from home and from this place. ]

You could have stopped at "Moscow was issuing threats." I nearly forgot what year it was.

text

[doesntdomuch]

[Geez, was this really what it was like to live during the Cold War?]

I really hope this doesn't all end in a huge battle over nothing.

text

[glowsferatu]

sorry to disappoint
but this is almost definitely going to end in a huge battle over nothing

text

[doesntdomuch]

Great.

We can't have two minutes without something stupid happening, can we?

text

[failureisntachoice]

I'd like to know what the government is planning to do about these threats.

[excessivehubris]

[ Well, this is an interesting read. ]

[kanadian]

I accidentally got too close to Russia once, and they immediately knew it and pulled me back quicker than I could say "caught".

I really don't think anyone is kidnapping any Russian kids.

[superposition]

Pulled you back? I didn't think they had that sort of precision.

[kanadian]

The US Government? They were ready to ship me off as soon as they found out I was close, and the Russians...they knew we were coming for miles out.

text

[knifecollecting]

Wait, I thought Lachesis or whatever was in control of the Porter. A regular old kid has been doing this to us?

Why hasn't someone grounded them yet?

text

[bindsthedead]

Actually, from the one pair of imPorts who managed to sneak into the Porter, we've learned that Lachesis hasn't been involved in the Porter aside from restarting it. Whatever's controlling it now isn't her.

But if this child really has some connection to her, and this isn't some elaborate provocation, she could offer us answers.

text

[knifecollecting]

when was that? I didn't hear about it.

The Russians aren't going to let us have her if it's true.

[mammal_robot]

Who is this "Lachesis" character? Other than a probable Soviet propaganda tool, that is.

[superposition]

[Qubit attaches a few pertinent links.]

Short version: an entity from an alternate-dimension Earth where some of our fellow imPorts lived prior to its destruction. Until recently, it was widely assumed she controlled the Porter on this Earth as well.

[mammal_robot]

So the greek god of fate is transporting people across dimensions to the USA?

Color me dubious.

[orions_shadow]

It's blue now, and I totally called it.