maskormenace | 3rd Trick

[Looking around Yomiel's living room, it's apparent he's just returned from a trip. There's a suitcase, and a boarding pass is visible sitting on the coffee table.

However, it seems the trip didn't go so well. He's not wearing his usual suit and tie, just a simple T-shirt. And boy does he look mad about it.]

This place just gets more and more delightful.

So there I am, minding my own business at a software developer's conference for work, and all of a sudden gigabyes and gifs turn into ghosts and goblins. A whole bunch of monsters tear through the convention center, and all the software nerds turn into an all-you-can-eat buffet.

And the authorities say they can't say anything for sure. You're telling me they have no explanation for how a bunch of werewolves and vampires popped up in the middle of New York City?

And even worse-

[Irritably, he digs in his suitcase and pulls out what's left of his suit and shirt, shredded all around the shoulders as though he was... mauled in it. Which he looks pretty good for, if that is indeed what happened.]

This thing was custom tailored, and they're telling me I'm on my own to get it replaced!

Where am I going to find one of these in Florida in late spring?

[Because priorities.]

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The last part's the easy one. You just call a tailor.

Or you gab on in public about it until one calls you. [ because that's exactly what just happened. ]

Are you a tailor? Because this thing is shredded to bits, and I want it fixed.

As it just so happens, I am. I can do house calls, unless you'd prefer to visit.

What material is it?

The jacket is wool and cashmere. I don't care so much about the shirt.

[Artemis is giving her new communicator a try and this is the first video she comes across. Welcome to the world, baby girl.]

Wait, people got eaten and you're worried about your suit?

[She sneers and rolls her eyes]

Nice. Because clearly that's the most important thing in this situation.

[Yeah, this guy's kind of a dick.]

People are already dead. There's nothing that can be done for them now.

All that's left to do is to figure out what the government had to do with it.

And fix my suit.

[Artemis isn't exactly a ray of sunshine]

So go buy a new one. What's the big deal with the suit?

[Says the girl perfectly content to wear cargo pants and hoodies when she's out of costume, as she is now]

And why would the government have anything to do with monsters that eat people?

[Sure, her government has shady labs where they clone people, but... vampires? Werewolves? Seriously?]

I like this suit. It was a gift. Besides, where am I going to find a red wool-cashmere blend suit in Florida right before summertime?

Well, they sure aren't being very forthcoming with the answers, now, are they? That means they have something to hide.

[Artemis waves that off]

Fine, whatever. But it's going to be like 900 degrees. [a sly smile] Hope you have plenty of deodorant.

Did you think that maybe they don't know anything? I mean, they did bring in a bunch of heroes to save people, right?

[She has a point. It's good thing he doesn't actually have to worry about that due to... reasons.]

Yeah, sure. If you believe what they say. I don't buy it for a second that something like that could just happen out of the blue.

Great, conspiracy theories. [mutters to herself] Oh, this is just what I need...

So, you think that the government created a bunch of monsters for some reason, unleashed them on an unsuspecting public, then brought in a bunch of super-powered heroes to... do what, exactly? Clean up the mess?

[Actually, when she says it like that it sort of makes sense. She frowns.]

[He just smiles serenely.]

What better way to make all the imPorts feel warm and fuzzy and necessary?

Even if the government isn't responsible for the monsters... you've got to admit, they sure make this whole scenario look more plausible, don't they?

Edited 2014-05-19 19:13 (UTC)

Cashmere can be tricky at times, but I shouldn't have any trouble handling it. The bigger problem may be if the werewolf broke skin.

It didn't.

[Okay, it did. A lot.

But he's not about to admit that, because it will involve explaining why he doesn't have a scratch on him.]

[Oh, Artemis is not enjoying this conversation. Can they go back to the ridiculousness of a grown man wearing wool in the Florida heat?]

If--if--these are their monsters, then they should be able to control them somehow. And if they messed up and lost control, then sure, why not bring in some people who can handle the situation. [Not that this makes her feel any better...]

And if it's just to make to make us feel welcome--because monsters are totally welcoming--then that still doesn't explain why they need us in the first place.

[She pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head. This is giving her a headache and she'd much rather be out shooting arrows at something.]

Why bother controlling them? It'd be a lot easier to just let them run wild and let the heroes come to the rescue. More convincing.

[He idly fiddles with the ripped suit in his hands, trying to piece it back together.]

Now that, I don't know. But presenting opportunities like this-- for everyone to save the day and look good for the general public-- does a great job of covering up whatever the real reason is.

At least, that's what I think.

Might be best to have it looked at anyway. You wouldn't want to have any unpleasant surprises next full moon.

[ not that a vampire's about to judge a ghost for his immunities. ]

It's not a problem. I'm not worried about it.

[At least if his corpse turned into a werewolf, it'd be a change of pace.]

How much for the suit? Whatever you want to charge is fine. It was a gift and I'd really like it fixed.

[He's making an uncomfortable amount of sense and Artemis wishes he wasn't. She watches him fiddle with his suit for a bit before shaking herself out of it.]

Yeah, and you're clearly doing a great job of saving the day and looking good for the public--seeing as all those people died and everything.

Excuse me? I'm not a superhero.

[He just shrugs again.]

My powers aren't even good for anything. I am but a humble systems analyst.

[She snorts.]

Oh, come on! Sure, you're just a systems analyst. That's why all those other geeks got eaten and you're just worried about your suit.

[She holds up her hand to stop him from saying anything.]

Whatever. Don't tell me your secret identity, because I seriously don't care. [And she would seriously prefer no one ask about hers.] Just don't tell me everything you just told me and then lie to my face.

Heh.

[Wow, she really thinks so, doesn't she?]

Just because I survived doesn't mean I'm a superhero. Not everybody with powers can tip over cars or fly, you know. Some of us get "blessed" with abilities that are completely useless to anyone else.

[He smiles with amusement all the same, kicking back in his chair.]

I'm a little flattered at your theory though. If only it was true.

You're the one with all the theories!

Besides, it's not like I can do any of those things either but that doesn't mean I wouldn't fight and try to save people being attacked by werewolves or zombies or... whatever it was that tore up your suit. You don't have to be Superman to be a hero.

[She pauses as if she just heard the words that came out of her own mouth and then smacks herself in the forehead.]

Oh my god, that was so corny...

If you didn't notice, I was kind of being mauled by a werewolf when it all went down. There wasn't anything I could do to save anyone else.

[Yeah, the amused smile lifts a little more.]

Yeah, jeez, did you get that off a box of cereal or something?

Just... forget I said anything, okay?

[She scowls ferociously to cover her wounded dignity.]

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