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[skyentologist]

[The camera opens up, displaying no one in view, only the corner of a couch. There is the distinct sounds of crunching. It sounds almost... thoughtful? Eventually, the camera is turned so it focuses on a young woman in a lab coat who appears to be staring into space and munching on something. She swallows and addresses the camera.]

Looks like I've arrived just in time. Valentine's Day, huh? Lots of frippery about love, romance, and other mushy things. And lots of anatomically inaccurate hearts.

Anyways, I'm Ema Skye. Apparently I'm supposed to be the host of some criminology show but there are more important things to talk about right now. Specifically: snacks for Valentine's Day. I know people like to give out those little cinnamon hearts and weird chalky things with cutesy writing on them. But scientifically speaking, besides being inaccurate, they're terrible. Not top snack tier at all. Chocolate seems to be a common choice, which is a good start. But why not go further?

Choose something with crunch. With a distinctive... pillowy shape. Something that can be savory or sweet, salty or tangy. I'm talking about the Snackoo. Which doesn't seem to exist here. Yet. Looks like whoever's going to invent it has until next Valentine's Day to work on it, at least.

Comments

permatext

[hypnotherapy]

[ Well, this is different from all the other Valentine's Day posts, at least. ]

You know, until you said it didn't exist, I thought this was supposed to be an advertisement.

What has science got to do with food preference? [ There's a reason cooking is a science all by itself, but he has to admit that this particular thing is a new one. ]

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[skyentologist]

Everything! Did you know that as we age we lose tastebuds? That's why a child might dislike something, but enjoy it when they grow up.

Not to mention how certain foods can trigger endorphin rushes. Even though spicy foods should logically be something the body wants to avoid, the endorphins make them desirable.

[hypnotherapy]

Well, that does make sense... [ He knows a lot more about how humans work emotionally than they do scientifically, really. But to be honest, it's never been something he's really interested in. He has enough firsthand experience with how bodies work to not really want to study it. ] Then again, I suppose it is just part of human biology, so I really should have expected it.

Losing tastebuds sounds a bit odd, though. Is there any particular reason for that? [ BOY HE PANICKED ABOUT HIS OPERATOR LOSING TEETH THE FIRST TIME not that anybody needs to know that. Ever. ]

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[monster_san]

I have been noticing those hearts in stores lately... they look a little like antacids, to me.

What exactly are these Snackoos made of? Maybe you can make your own.

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[skyentologist]

Unlike antacids, they'll probably give you heartburn instead.

Hm... Snackoos are made of flour, brown sugar, and yeast. But I don't know the ratios. I had a bag with me, but they didn't make it through the Porter, otherwise we could reverse engineer them.

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[monster_san]

Do they? I'll avoid them.

The snackoos, however, sound rather tasty. Devising the recipe ourselves could be interesting on its own, perhaps.

[Video]

[monge]

Monge~! That's a great idea, but why are we waiting until next year? We should invent them right now, zura!

[That's how things work, right? You can just make things on the spot?]

I can get the pillows if you can get everything else, zura!

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[skyentologist]

[What... is she looking at right now? A bear? Cat? Dog???]

Ah..! They're just pillow shaped, not actually made of pillows!

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[monge]

[Pillow shaped? Well this is starting to sound like the weirdest thing ever.

Yes, it's definitely the snack and not the bearcatdog.]

Oh... that's too bad, I had a lot of pillows I could offer, zura... I-I guess I can't help after all, I'm not sure what else I could offer. I'm...I'm a bad inventor, zura!

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[subourbon]

[Not expecting anyone to be home, Alison is startled when she rounds the corner with her hands full of Valentines decorations and nearly drops everything.]

Jesus Murphy!

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[skyentologist]

[The shout surprises Ema into whipping around and instinctively throwing a snack (in this case, some potato chips) at the offending noise.]

Augh! ...Murphy who?!

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[homerunning]

Snack...oo.

Isn't that what the cartoon dog eats?

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[skyentologist]

What? You must be thinking of something else. Snackoos are the epitome of perfect snackage.

[Video]

[protects_the_small]

[It's been a confusing few days, full of cities that are jam-packed with more people than are probably in a whole duchy, and now this whole not!magical network full of people talking. Which at least has so far helped with answering the important questions: ]

What's chocolate? I've never heard of it.

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[skyentologist]

It's a type of candy made from the cacao bean. ...Which you've probably never heard of either. Best way to learn about it is to try it!

video | id reads "karen starr"

[boobwindow]

Iiiii don't think anatomically correct candy would sell well. Maybe among serial killers.

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[skyentologist]

Or among the scientifically minded! There's definitely a market for it.

voice

[dramaking]

I have never heard of this Snackoo.

[And he has seen Every Commercial.]

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[skyentologist]

Well, they don't exist in this universe. At least, not yet. I'm working on it.

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[hardcorduroy]

Okay, they sound great and all, but can they beat chipackerz. That's the real question.

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[skyentologist]

If those are just cracker chips, then yes. Definitely. They definitely beat chipackerz.

[Like it's even a question.]

[video]

[missleadingquestions]

Crunchy... pillowy.... y'know, I think I know a recipe for something like that.

[Who on earth could you be]

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[skyentologist]

[This person seems kind of familiar.]

Hey, really? I know what's in the snack, but not exactly how to make it. We should share notes.

[kendo_taisho]

Y'know, it's kinda tradition for girls t'make chocolate for the people she likes on Valentine's Day. It's not meant for snacks.

That's what every other day is for.

[There's a pause, then...]

The hell's a 'snackoo'?

[skyentologist]

...I think that's a Japanese thing. Here, it's all about different kinds of candy. --And flowers and restaurants and all that other stuff too, I guess.

A Snackoo is the perfect snack. Crunchy, sweet... just a bit savory. It's got everything you need.