1st rat - video!

[princeofrats]

[ There's a new face on the network tonight! Viewers are getting an extreme close-up of the newcomer's eye, then his face, and then the new guy at large once he holds the communicator out at arm's length. Dude is shirtless, and, uh... wearing a bandana on his head that makes him look kinda like he has mouse ears. The name that comes up on the device is 'Jayden Revell'. ]

Virtue, Katharsis, Vengeance Moth, Tremor, Burden! If any of you are out there, come find me! I dunno where you are and none of the rats here know what you guys smell like, so I can't find you! I'm at... uhm... [he falters slightly, and the camera wobbles as Mouse turns to glance behind him. ] ... The lady in the car said this was Heropa, and there's a... there's a bike shop next door. They sell bikes.

[ Suddenly, the camera pulls back and away from Mouse, settling a few feet away from him in an angled downshot that clearly shows the head of the alleyway he's crouched in, along with the nearest street signs. Something that looks suspiciously like a rat's tail flicks in front of the screen, and Mouse brightens up immediately. ]

Thanks, Benjamin!

... Okay, it'll probably be a while 'til my friends get here, so I should introduce you guys - anybody watching, I mean - to some new friends I made in the meantime. [ Mouse settles down into a cross-legged sitting position, and two giant, hairy sewer rats crawl up and over his shoulders to rest in his palms. He holds each of them up in turn. ]

This is Mrs. Nesbit! And this is her cousin, Hebert. He wanted to be fancy today, so I made him a bowtie out of a gum wrapper. [ The rat is, indeed, wearing a bowtie. He's very dapper. ] ... And they wanted to say they'd be very grateful if you'd stop putting poison traps inside your restaurants, okay? You wouldn't like getting poisoned if you were just trying to eat, right? Nobody likes barfing.

... Okay, that's all. I'm done now. [Click!]

Comments

[video]

[wizzardly]

[that is a man. That is a man without a shirt talking to rats. Rincewind just marvels at this sight for a long moment.]

...And er, your... Mrs. Nesbit and Herbert... they're actually talking to you, are they?


[Perhaps he shouldn't be so judgmental, having an orangutan for a friend back home, but at least he knows that orangutan used to be a man. These rats are just - well, rats. Having read up some some on the subject lately, the wizard feels half-inclined to recommend Mouse find a psychiatrist.]

[princeofrats]

They're not mine. They're theirs.

... But yeah, of course they are. Why wouldn't they? I can talk to them.

[ he says it like it's the normalest thing in the world! Rincewind's getting an interested look, though... is that a genuine wizard hat? ]

[wizzardly]

Right, okay, it's just that that's not normally something people do, you know, talking with rodents. Unless it's to scream at them. And even then the most you get back is a few squeaks. Not really the basis for the best of conversations.

[it is a genuine wiz(z)ard hat, absolutely! With genuine poorly-stitched sequins and everything.]

[princeofrats]

I'm not really normal, I think. [ He just shrugs. He's never been normal, by most people's logic, but it's never bothered him either.]

They make sense to me! Most people just don't listen the right way.

I like your pointy hat, by the way.

video

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Herbert looks like such a gentleman! He should definitely stick with that look for Mrs. Nesbit's tea party.

[She just assumes there's gonna be a tiny tea party. There's gotta be a tiny tea party.]

[princeofrats]

[ Well, of course! ]

She has to find a tiny kettle and some china first! Maybe a couple of fancy chairs. I tried making some furniture and stuff for my rats back home, but they just chewed them up.

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

What terrible table manners!

[Video]

[monge]

Monge~! Those are the biggest hamsters I've ever seen, zura~

[...They need a bath.]

[princeofrats]

Naaaaah, they're rats! See the tails?

[ ... and then he actually looks at the screen, and his eyes go wide. TALKING DOG... CAT... THINGY. With great flaming eyebrows! ]

Y-your... your eyebrows! Your eyebrows are on fire!

[monge]

[Rats are just giant hamsters with tails, and now he knows this.]

O-Oh, heh, yeah, they are, zura. T-Thanks for noticing, z-zura~

[Somehow he takes that as a compliment, rather than a stated fact.]

video;

[baetiful]

And are these names they gave themselves or names you have given to them?

[ This guy is talking to rats. This guy is legit talking to rats.... ]

[princeofrats]

[That's how he rolls!]

It's a little of both! If they don't have names already, I help come up with them.

[baetiful]

It is most kind of you to give them some sense of identity.

video

[pobrecisco]

Okay, those are some sweet names. I'm also digging the ears.

[ The rats not so much, but the kid seems really fond of them, so he's not going to ruffle any feathers here. ]

[princeofrats]

The...?

Oh! Oh yeah! [ He reaches up, tugs off the bandana, and holds it up to the camera! ] They're not real, though. It's just kinda folded that way.

[ ... he sounds a little depressed, like he wishes they were real.]

[pobrecisco]

Yeah, I figured. They look cool, though.

video;

[heliophilic]

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your friends probably aren't here. This place doesn't tend to take a bunch of people from the same place at the same time.

[There's something about those names, though, that seem vaguely familiar. He can't put his finger on it.]

As for your rat buddies, you might want to consider getting them an alternate food source. They might not mean to, but too many of your friends trying to book reservations at the same place means that restaurant gets shut down.

[princeofrats]

What?! But... they... they wouldn't--!!

[ Mouse's face doesn't so much fall as it does crash like the Hindenburg. Mohawk-guy is right; if any of them were here, they would have answered by now, Virtue especially wouldn't leave him hanging like this. Virtue would know what to do in this situation, she always knows what to do, she's the one that comes up with the plans. He hasn't been on his own like this in years.

... Then again, with the rats, he's never really alone. He takes a deep breath, as Herbert scuttles back up his arm to rest on his shoulder. ]

... I'll talk to them about it. Back home, I kept them away from the milkshake place and the storage room where we kept all our food, but even then, they have to eat somewhere. I'll see if they can maybe spread out a bit.

[heliophilic]

[Aw crap.]

It's... [Looks up at the ID tag] Jayden, right? Listen to me. They didn't leave you alone, you were taken. Did anyone in Heropa give you the rundown?

[This is so not something he's good at.]

Sounds like a plan. No reason you can't find a way for everyone to walk away happy.

[airshow]

[ WOW. ]

Well, Hebert is dressed for a five-star restaurant. Pity they probably don't feel the same.

[princeofrats]

I know! It's like they've never seen the movie with the rats in the fancy Paris restaurant! [such injustice!]

[airshow]

Was that based on a true story?

[ He asks, with perfect sincerity! ]

[countdone]

Those are some nice friends.

[He's not biased, at all, in any way.]

So, sounds like you can talk to them?

[princeofrats]

[ he brightens up immediately! Could it be? A fellow rat enthusiast...?]

Yeah! I've always been able to.

[countdone]

You should meet mine sometime, then.