1st rat - video!

[princeofrats]

[ There's a new face on the network tonight! Viewers are getting an extreme close-up of the newcomer's eye, then his face, and then the new guy at large once he holds the communicator out at arm's length. Dude is shirtless, and, uh... wearing a bandana on his head that makes him look kinda like he has mouse ears. The name that comes up on the device is 'Jayden Revell'. ]

Virtue, Katharsis, Vengeance Moth, Tremor, Burden! If any of you are out there, come find me! I dunno where you are and none of the rats here know what you guys smell like, so I can't find you! I'm at... uhm... [he falters slightly, and the camera wobbles as Mouse turns to glance behind him. ] ... The lady in the car said this was Heropa, and there's a... there's a bike shop next door. They sell bikes.

[ Suddenly, the camera pulls back and away from Mouse, settling a few feet away from him in an angled downshot that clearly shows the head of the alleyway he's crouched in, along with the nearest street signs. Something that looks suspiciously like a rat's tail flicks in front of the screen, and Mouse brightens up immediately. ]

Thanks, Benjamin!

... Okay, it'll probably be a while 'til my friends get here, so I should introduce you guys - anybody watching, I mean - to some new friends I made in the meantime. [ Mouse settles down into a cross-legged sitting position, and two giant, hairy sewer rats crawl up and over his shoulders to rest in his palms. He holds each of them up in turn. ]

This is Mrs. Nesbit! And this is her cousin, Hebert. He wanted to be fancy today, so I made him a bowtie out of a gum wrapper. [ The rat is, indeed, wearing a bowtie. He's very dapper. ] ... And they wanted to say they'd be very grateful if you'd stop putting poison traps inside your restaurants, okay? You wouldn't like getting poisoned if you were just trying to eat, right? Nobody likes barfing.

... Okay, that's all. I'm done now. [Click!]

Comments

[wizzardly]

[of course the only person he's met who properly recognizes how Amazing wizards are would be the half-naked guy who plays with rats.

Well, Rincewind will take what he can get.]

You know, it's amazing how many people don't get that. A little respect would be nice every now and again. Just a little, I'm really not asking for much. ...Maybe a discounted cup of tea every now and again.

[dream big, Rincewind.]

I don't think you ever gave your name. - There's no chance you're from the Disc, are you?

[princeofrats]

[ Oh boy, here we go. ]

I'm Mouse, Prince of All Rats!

... And nope, sorry. I'm from Coral City.

[ For what it's worth, the name 'Jayden Revell' is what's attached to the video! ]

[wizzardly]

...

[well. all right then.]

Is... there a king?

[princeofrats]

Naaah, just me.

... Maybe it would've been my dad, but he didn't even like rats.

[wizzardly]

Wouldn't that make you king, then?

[princeofrats]

No, 'cause I'm not old enough! And I like being a prince.

[wizzardly]

All right, all right, please yourself. I was only pointing it out. There have been young kings before, you know. It's not uncommon.

[princeofrats]

... 'Prince of Rats' sounds cooler, though.

[wizzardly]

Little less respect involved, though, isn't there? I don't know. "King" means power in my world. "Prince" is respectable, mind you, I won't argue there, but on the Disc it's also often attached to snotty-nosed toddlers. So perhaps this is just what we'd call a cultural gap.

[princeofrats]

The rats don't care. And my nose isn't snotty.

[ sorry Rincewind, he latched onto one part of that! ]

[wizzardly]

...You also aren't three feet tall; there are some other differences.

[princeofrats]

Well yeah, duh! The snot was the important part.