Video

[idontwanttoknow]

[A new world, a whole new populace to meet. As long as they don't expect him to do anything other than woo them, Ivan thinks he'll get on with these people quite well.

Time to introduce himself, then. He takes as much time as necessary to figure out the (frankly archaic) video capture equipment. His first call needs to show his good side, after all.]

Hello, De Chima. I've recently been ImPorted to your beautiful city, and I'm looking for an equally beautiful guide to introduce me to my new home. Would any of you ladies out there care to oblige me?

I also thought I would introduce myself for those of you who aren't sure whether or not to help me: My name is Ivan Vorpatril, and I am your galactic dream come true. Respond to me on this channel, and I can happily repay you with a night that is truly out of this world.

Comments

[vorbarra]

Human resources. If you can imagine it, I'm Ops.

Not exactly-- wrangling Counts doesn't exactly translate to business matters. It's just close enough that I fudge it.

[idontwanttoknow]

No, I mean, HR for whom?

Ops, huh? I can do Ops. Let me know if you need any tips. It's a whole lot easier than wrangling Counts.

[vorbarra]

Oh, for Miles and the Dendarii. Thank you, Ivan, but it's been alright so far.

[idontwanttoknow]

For Miles?

Isn't that usually kind of a disaster? [Who would want to clean up after his cousin's shenanigans?]

[vorbarra]

It's not been near as bad as the incident at the Hegen Hub, if that's what you're implying, but it's been... interesting. Not entirely at Miles's fault.

[idontwanttoknow]

Not entirely? Who started it?

[Details, please. A gossip like him lives off of them.]

[vorbarra]

[ Gregor is pretty much the anti-gossip, sorry. ]

It involved indiscriminate slaughter of enemy guards after they were already subdued. 'Started' is a misleading term.

[idontwanttoknow]

[No, that's enough to tell Ivan to stay out of it.]

...enemy guards?

[vorbarra]

We're at war with the Soviet Russians, if you've missed that. And by 'we' I mean the country we reside in is.

[idontwanttoknow]

But Soviet Russia is clear across the Atlantic! What are they doing here?!

[vorbarra]

We're in the 21st century, not the Time of Isolation, Ivan. They have air travel. Anyway, this wasn't here that the guards were killed; there was a mass kidnapping, Miles included.

[idontwanttoknow]

But it's still an inconvenient distance...

[Of course Miles got kidnapped. Typical Miles.]

Mass kidnapping? How did that happen?

[vorbarra]

Essentially, by using the same technology that brought us here: long distance teleporting. The Russians got a hold of it.

[idontwanttoknow]

If the Russians have that tech, can't they just imPort their own superheroes?

[vorbarra]

... That's a fair point. I can only assume it's a replication of stolen technology and not as powerful as the genuine article. The government's being understandably cagey about the details.

[idontwanttoknow]

What, are they afraid we'll make one for ourselves? It's not like they could keep the Russians from figuring it out.

[vorbarra]

Demonstrably, they've only figured it out in a limited capacity. If we have access to it, everyone has access to it. That's not a gun that can be unfired.

[idontwanttoknow]

You mean they haven't figured out how to send people back?

[vorbarra]

Not deliberately, no. They haven't even figured out how to get people here deliberately in the first place. The force controlling the Porter is not under U.S. sanction.

[idontwanttoknow]

But not under Russian, either?

So how do we know they don't have imPorts?

[vorbarra]

In secret, you mean? I suppose we know because if they did, they wouldn't have felt it necessary to kidnap or brainwash us.

[idontwanttoknow]

[He makes a compelling argument. Ivan stops to consider that one.]

So at least we're not up against other heroes.