MAY 20TH, 2016

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: MAY 20TH, 2016

GET OFF YOUR KNEES AND RISE UP
As seen in official military press release, circulated by mainstream American media:
America's imPort heroes are at a high state of readiness to defend against any threat, thanks in part to this week's intensive training sessions hosted by the Rogue imPort Suppression Enforcement (RISE) team. Working closely in cooperation with the US government, RISE is putting their agents and visiting heroic volunteers through their paces with a variety of exercises and drills. This training includes advanced Virtual Reality technology that represents the cutting edge of American ingenuity in military development, on loan to RISE. ImPort Heroes are practicing at challenges including close combat, disaster rescue, and bomb disposal, sharpening their abilities to a keen edge in preparation for any future crises. When asked for comment on the activities, RISE commander Major-General Olivier Armstrong only stated "It's standard training. We're honing our skills. That's all you need to know."

America's citizens can rest easy knowing that heroes like RISE stand ready to protect the nation from any disaster or enemy, with all their considerable power. And America's foes should be given pause, knowing that the United States has such strength on its side.

FEED YOUR NEED
As seen on the Rumblr account for Benny's Breakfast:
This is a WONDERFUL BREAKFAST.

You can have them apart, but do you really want to be that kind of person?

Eat well. Have egg and potato.

LIPLOCK AND LOAD
As seen gone viral on BlueTube and viewed on the show Good Elevensies America:
The people responsible for the "Awful Lip Reading" series have at last turned their attention to imPorts, with a new episode aptly titled "ALR: imPort Edition"! For those not familiar, they've spliced together footage from the news and user-submitted videos and such (probably including footage from FanPort), anything where the imPort's mouth is clearly visible, and then dubbed over with their own nonsensical dialogue. The episode is a hilarious viral hit, but some commenters have expressed concern that the imPorts included might be upset at quite literally having words put in their mouths...

BETS THAT BITE
As heard on AM radio:
An underground gambling ring has stepped out the shadows with a new betting bid: werewolves vs. vampires. You put your money where your fangs are, and any damaged sustained (property or otherwise) by either party could fill your pockets. Rumor has it that the best bookies are hiding down in Maurtia Falls.

DIX MEASURING CONTEST
As seen on Bwitter, Rumblr, and Threadit's /imPort/shipping/ sub-threadit:
The name of that guy Rick Grimes was spotted getting cozy and friendly with just after Fanport has been discovered!

It's Daryl Dixon.

Photos of the two walking 'home' to Xavier's together have been circulating, along with stories posted by students at the facility saying that Daryl is clearly living with the Grimes. While some "Rix" shippers are disappointed that Tex and Rick's relationship seems to have fizzled out, the newly minted "Darrick'" shippers are quickly filling up the vacancy with new candid photos of the two standing suspiciously close to each other, smiling fondly and laughing with the other, and even a couple hugs -- hugs damn you! -- and it proves they're dating! Rick doesn't hug anyone like that in public unless it's his son!

Checkmate, Rixtheists.

CHUMPANZEE
As seen on national news:
Ronald Chump wants to remind everyone purchasing imPort products (including technological toys) that this is technically UNAMERICAN PRODUCTION. Bwitter has since been ablaze with controversial commentary both supporting and denouncing Chump.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MOTHER OF PEARL to PLACID GREEN, as nothing traumatic has happened on a massive scale! Yay, imPorts!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

text

[112ounces]

dont they have a life to live other than obsesses over my dad's lovelife?? what is WRONG with these people

[ why the fuck are people crazy ]

Text

[dirtyredneck]

Who are those people and where can I find them? I'm gonna stomp their asses.

[He will fight the whole internet over this. Of course, it would help if he realized that the report was talking about more than just a few people. But he's still new to the whole online thing.]

Text

[112ounces]

it's the internet you cant fight the internet not unless you own entire internet companies and shut down their access


Text

[dirtyredneck]

I can fight the people using it. Can't be that many assholes saying that shit about me and your dad.

[112ounces]

you be surprised.

voice;

[knifecollecting]

We're betting on supernatural deathbringers now?

Great.

voice;

[notsheepish]

So that's a new thing then?

voice;

[knifecollecting]

I think so. [Admittedly, even when she lived in Maurtia Falls she didn't keep track of what people were betting on.]

[notsheepish]

Well, that's something at least. I saw what happened to the last place Monster Fight Club got together. Let's hope it isn't going to turn into an ongoing thing.

[knifecollecting]

I hope so. That's the last thing we need.

voice;

[kickingand]

[ hi jo. ]

Sounds like a party.

voice;

[knifecollecting]

[...Better Dean than Lucifer. That's what she'll tell herself.]

Not really.

voice;

[kickingand]

What, you think there's a better use for those guys?

voice;

[knifecollecting]

They're dangerous. [Even here they can still pose a threat.]

They shouldn't be entertainment.

[Voice]

[sleight_of_hand]

Those color codes just keep getting more and more ridiculous...

Voice

[helladoomed]

And now I want breakfast. Great. Thanks a ton terrible drawing of eggs.

[She managed to say that without laughing. Barely.]

text

[monster_san]

Oh, how wonderful! I feel very proud that the traumas have been on the small scale only.

text

[huntergames]

where is bennys

[liverletdie]

I wonder if Ronald Trump understands the contributions we're making toward American industries, or if he's just saying sensational things to fire up the anti-import crowd?

[unwiseheart]

[ Okay, so he should probably be offended by people betting on that, but-- ]

don't waste your bet on werewolves for a few months. you'll only be setting yourself up to lose.

[beneathbluerafters]

Why is the potato blushing?

text.

[glowsferatu]

[ Nic may be withholding his offense, but Kanaya sure isn't. ]

placing bets
of all the tasteless nonsense

it isnt like anyone was murdered or anything!!

text

[notsheepish]

[Guess who rewrote this message like a million times!!]

Hey, it's Kanaya, right?

Sorry to sort of message you out of the blue, but this is Ruby. I think we met briefly the other day under pretty much the worst circumstances there are to meet someone? I was hoping you might want to meet up and talk. Maybe over coffee?

text

[glowsferatu]

[ Kanaya just stares at this, puzzled. She leaves to do other things and keeps coming back to it, trying to figure out who it's from. Met under bad circumstances, so someone she's seen but doesn't have a name for, plus the context of her message.

It's about an hour before she finally hazards a guess. ]

youre the other wolf right

private text

[notsheepish]

I'm still trying to figure out how things work here, but where I came from before that wasn't exactly something it was safe to tell many people

Clearly it doesn't tie me in with the best company